Serafina's Corner of the World

I should be teaching 4th grade. I went to the library and checked out a bunch of books. After I did, I noticed the library had helpfully coded the suggested grade level on them and all my books are either fourth or fifth grade.

I'm also kind of thinking again about maybe becoming a librarian. I could either be a teacher-librarian, so I could work in schools, or a "regular" librarian, except I'd want to be a children's librarian. But a) I don't know and b) I don't know if I'd have time and c)... what if I fail.

I should probably talk to my sister since she's already in the program, huh?

I'll stick with first this year, but I'll think about maybe requesting fourth next. Maybe.

The whole district had meetings to plan out the rest of the year until the big tests. First grade doesn't take the tests, so they shuffled us off to another school and told us to aline the rest of our year with the common core. Which, somehow, translated to us sitting around writing the page number the common core standard was on our current pacing guide. After sitting around for almost two hours doing nothing because none of us had been told what to bring (or where to go).

It sucked.

It cracks me up how no couple on TV ever wants to know the sex of their baby (even though they usually find out), because I want to know, and I'm not even pregnant. There's no particular reason I want to know, except I never look for Christmas presents and the one time I found out what I was getting beforehand, I felt so guilty that I almost told my parents that I didn't deserve it, but why put that stress on me if it's already inside my body?

Not that I'll ever be pregnant.

Also, I find Michael Emerson strangely attractive and I'm sad I'm done with Lost and I'm mad that Person of Interest is not streaming on Netflix.

Also, I think that if Bobby Goren from Criminal Intent ever met Shawn Spencer from Psych, he'd totally get a kick out of him.

I made it through the week. By Friday, I started feeling like maybe I've got almost a handle on this. I still feel like I'm not actually teaching anything, that the kids aren't learning. I'm having to bribe the fuck out of them just to stop talking, but... it's getting better.

However, never make the mistake of smiling when the kids are making fart noises behind you. You go from 3 to 20 in a heartbeat.

My neck is killing me today. I think I probably need a new pillow. I've also had migraines all week which, I realized on Wednesday, start in my neck. I woke an hour early with this warning tingling in my neck and realized that I had to take medication right now or suffer. Of course, I couldn't find it, so I ended up taking Midol, but it mostly worked until I was more awake and found the migraine meds. Still, trying to teach with that hasn't been fun.

The crisis at work was the principal. Our grade level met on Thursday and then sent our notes to her. She responded and I thought her response was sharp and rather unhelpful, especially the part aimed at me. Basically, in response to saying that I was having trouble managing the class and praise wasn't working, she told me to post my expectations on the board (where they are), refer to them often (which I do) follow through with consequences (I think I am) and give lots of praise (which... doesn't work, because the kids who hear it immediately turn to talk about being told they're good, and the rest aren't listening). Pretty much, she gave me advice that first year teachers are told instead of... I don't know, being helpful.

She is going through a personal crisis with her mom right now. I knew this. I even told myself that she's stressed, she was writing quickly, she was annoyed at something else and this wasn't personal. But, well. Nearing the end of my rope, in pain, etc. And, the last time a principal walked into my room and suggested I put up something that was already there (in that case, a writing wall), I ended up losing my job. It's not that simple anymore since I'm tenured, but...

Anyway. I'm getting a massage today and then seeing Premium Rush because I have secret fantasies of being a bike messenger (ever since seeing Dark Angel... which I never watched beyond the first few episodes, but whatever). I also need bras (I've needed new bras all summer) and at least one pair of pants (I have no black pants).

And that's my life.

I made a half hearted attempt to go to school to work on my classroom. I don't have to be back until next week, officially, but since I've moved rooms, I started going in last week. I skipped Friday and Monday, but convinced myself to go in for a few hours today.

However, my usual on ramp to the freeway was closed for construction. Then, I missed the second one. So, since I wasn't really enthusiastic about going, I took it as a sign and came home. I'll write instead. And maybe go to the movies, maybe. And read fanfic.

( DKR thing )

So, my allergies have been acting up all week. My brain is just fuzzy and I'm not thinking clearly.

Which is why this happened:

I needed to get the classes attention about something. I also needed to blow my nose. So, I called for attention, all the kids turned to look at me, got a tissue, then blew my news obnoxiously loudly. And then realized what I did.

The kids were mostly stunned silent, obviously trying to figure out if they were allowed to laugh. I started cracking up, so they did, and it was funny

But. That was not what I meant to do.

ETA I just noticed I'm wearing my shirt backwards.

I don't know what the heck happened this morning. I 'overslept' (not like I was going anywhere, but I slept longer than I met), had breakfast and then decided I was going to make posters for my classroom this morning. There was one I wanted to copy from a teacher's magazine about author's purpose. So, I went out, got markers and poster board, and came home to draw and create.

I was almost done when I started to feel hungry. Really hungry. It was around one. I made lunch (egg salad) but I guess by then it was too late. I started to shake and feel really icky. I finished the sandwich and started on... other stuff. I only remember the Life cereal. Finally, I stopped shaking super hard, but I still felt off and icky, so I decided to lay down. I somehow lost an hour, so I'm assuming I fell asleep, but, gah. It was awful.

Then I had to go Target because I didn't have any crayons and I needed those, too. I was good. They've got a lot of supplies out now, but I know that this is the waiting game. If I buy stuff too soon, it'll just be cheaper later and that's bad. If I wait too long, well, then I have to pay more. And I have to his multiple stores for things (Target, Wal-Mart, Office stuff). And, you know, I've can order stuff from school, which I did, but we never get it on time and sometimes we don't get enough stuff for everyone (kids should, in theory, be able to share crayons; in practice, they all want to use red at the same time). So it's good to have backups.

I still have a little bit of a headache. That sucks.

So, the school I'm doing my play through is on spring break, which means no rehearsal for 10 days (eek! Then we go into tech week). I have nothing to do this weekend, and it feels weird. Kind of depressing.

Not that I can't use the time off. This week was jam pack. I almost literally didn't get to relax until Thursday, and that was just for fifteen minutes. Yesterday, I got longer, but even still. The problem was I do yearbook at school and the other adviser and I got behind (waaay behind; it was due Monday, and we were still sending kids to take pictures), so I kept having to stay after until almost six to work on it, then rush off to eat dinner and get to rehearsal (it's a half hour drive from work to home.) Plus, I'm on my period this week, so I was all "rawr!" And it's only 4 more days until the state tests (and I had to give two on Friday).

So... it was a stressful week. But it was fun. I need to find another play to do when this is done.

Today, my room stunk when I got in. The kids immediatly covered their noses and started screaming, "Who farted?" I told them I didn't know what smelled, that I was going to open all the windows, and they should all check their desks and make sure that none of them left foo do rot in their desks.

And immediately found my missing lunch bag and a rotten container of yogurt.

Yeah. In my defense, when one of my students moved last week and I cleared out her desk, I found rotting strawberries.

The other day, I was so frustrated with everything and everyone and just so sad and depressed about the world...

I actually thought, "You know, Veidt had the right idea."

I feel like,lately, I have so many people contacting me over fics (Sona, COTW, etc) that aren't finished, that I intend to finish, but haven't touched in forever because of my novel. I'm six chapters away from the end (last week I wasn't able to get into it and now have to scrap what I did write and start over) and I just want it done. Done so I can revise and get people to give me conctrit and get it edited and send it out. But it's hard because fanfiction gives such an immediate reward in feedback that it's addictive.

But, no. I must solider on.

In other news, CHRISTMAS BREAK, BITCHES!!!!!! Okay, yeah, I'm still teaching intersession, but 12 students for 4 hours? Ain't nothing. And I kind of need the money. So. WOHOOO!!!!!!