Fic; Cellie
Apr. 18th, 2007 07:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafina20Title: Cellie
Author: serafina20
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Michael/Mahone
Summary: Four months into his sentence for the murder of Oscar Shales, Alexander Mahone gets a new cellie.
Alex was surprised when a guard came to tell him he had a visitor. Besides his family, no one ever came to visit him. He'd never had many friends, and those he had, he'd alienated after killing Shales. So unless it was Pam or Lincoln, he had no idea who might be here to see him.
He changed his shirt before following the guard to the sensitive needs waiting room. Except he wasn't taken there. He was taken to a private room, reserved for lawyers and law enforcement. That narrowed the field somewhat.
David Wheeler was in the room when Alex was shown in. He stood and smiled. As always, he seemed somewhat nervous and incredibly awkward. In some ways, he reminded Alex of Michael: smart, cute, and somewhat out of step with the rest of the world. Only, strangely enough, Michael was actually better at blending in. Despite everything, he was just more comfortable in his skin than Wheeler was.
"David. Good to see you again." He didn't say that, despite their amicable parting, he never expected to se the other man again.
David shook his hand. "You too. I had time, so I thought I could, you know. Come see you."
"I appreciate it. Gets boring in here sometimes."
"I bet." David smoothed down his shirt as he sat down. "I heard about the riot. How are you?"
"Fine. I was a little bruised, but nothing too bad," he answered as he took a seat across from the other man.
David nodded. Hesitated. "And, uh. Michael?"
He shrugged. "About the same. Considerably more upset, though." He tapped his fingers on the table, wanting to talk. Wanting to unload all his worries, his fears about Michael to someone, anyone. He'd been talking to Pam nonstop since the riot, almost every night. That didn't take the worry away. Nothing would.
He held his tongue. David didn't care about Michael's personal angst. And Michael wouldn't appreciate Alex sharing it with a stranger. Even a stranger who had studied Michael's profile as intently as any doctor.
"Oh. I, uh. Brought you something. You and Michael because I figured.... Um. Here." He handed Alex a bag.
"Thanks, David." He pulled out the contents. There were three Sudoku books, a puzzle book, and 1776 by David McCullough. "Wow. Thank you. I appreciate this." Alex looked up at the other man. Smiled. "Thanks."
David shrugged. "It wasn't anything. I just went to the bookstore. You know. Saw those and thought how you were always doing those. And you might be bored or whatever."
"It's great. Really."
"Well, uh. You're welcome." He cleared his throat. Looked down at his hands.
Alex put the books back into the bag. Set it by his feet. "So, David. What brings you here?" Because he didn't come just to give Alex puzzles.
He cleared his throat. Adjusted his glasses. Looked up and met Alex's gaze. "You Oscar Shales. Buried him in your backyard."
Apparently, he was here to reminisce. "I did."
"Why?"
He let out a long, slow breath. "The case got to me. I thought I was fine. Holding it together. Ever notice how much his last victim looked like Pam?" he asked. "Dark hair, dark eyes. Six months pregnant." He swallowed. "Pam and I were trying again. Always wanted two kids. Might happen for her now. Not me. But that's..." He shook his head and waved it away. "He knew it too. About my wife. What she looked like. He killed her to taunt me. And then he did taunt me when I caught up with him. I didn't go after him, not intentionally. I was just... in his head. Trying to anticipate where he would have gone. And there he was."
"Where?"
"Some bar in Peoria. He caught me in the bathroom. We fought. He knocked me out. When I woke up, he was gone and had taken a picture of Pam from my wallet. Which he still had when I got back to my hotel room and found him on my bed. We fought again. I pinned him to the wall. He kept talking. Wouldn't shut the fuck up. Kept talking about all the women he'd killed. Them and their unborn children. How he looked forward to doing Pam once I got her knocked up. That he was sad he hadn't known me when she was pregnant with Cameron. And he was saying more, I don't know. I just snapped. Shot him, through the head." Alex shrugged. There wasn't much more to say.
David looked down at the table. Ran his fingers over the chipped plastic. "How do you feel about it?"
"What kind of question is that?" he asked harshly.
"A valid one."
His gut churned. "I'm not sorry the bastard's dead. He was an animal. He needed to be put down." Alex's brow knotted. He clenched his fist. "Do I wish it had happened differently? Yes. I always have, from the moment I pulled that trigger, I wanted nothing more. Am I sorry?" He shrugged. "Honestly? I don't know."
"What about the others? Abruzzi and the kid?"
"Those I regret. Especially Apolskis. He was just a kid. Innocent, even for a crook. You know the last thing he did was trick me so he could go visit some girl?" Alex smiled, bitterness filling him. "Some girl he met and crushed on. Said he was going to write her every day. Cute girl, too. Too good for him, but..." He shook his head. "A waste. Just like everything the Company did. Waste." He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I regret what I did to Shales only because it went against what I tried so hard to believe in. In truth and honor and justice. In my country. In that moment of weakness, I threw it all over. Became no better than..." He bit off what he was going to say and finished with, "the Company." He looked up at David. "I'm sorry I failed you. But I'm proud of you, what you did. Investigating me, my misdeeds. That takes a strong man, David. A good man. And I wish I could have been more like you."
David looked at him for a long time. Always so serious anyway, he looked to be studying Alex for an exam. Trying to memorize him. Quantify and classify. For what, though, Alex didn't know.
"Okay." David nodded. "That's all I wanted to know."
"For what?" Angry now. For having to go through that. For still not being over it. For his former protégée, unofficial that he may have been, rubbing it all back in Alex's face. "So you could rest easy, knowing that you've put a criminal in prison? There was never any doubt of that, David. I could have told you that without you ever needing to come."
He shook his head, eyes widening. "No. Alex, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean... The warden contacted me. About you. He asked if I would be wiling to write a letter on your behalf. To help get you out of here." He adjusted is glasses again. "I always looked up to you. You were... And when I realized that you were corrupt, or suspected, I was hurt. Took it personally."
"You still offered to help me," Alex said, looking away.
"When I realized you were in trouble, yeah. Of course. You were, well. Not my friend, but I wanted to help. I just wasn't sure I could help put you back out there."
"Have I satisfied your fear that I'll be a danger to society if put back on the streets, or are you still afraid I'll go on a killing spree?"
"That wasn't my fear, Alex," David said, his voice soft. "I just needed to know why you did. Why you really did it, I mean. Shales and the others. And how you felt about it."
"And?"
"And now I know." He shrugged. "It's pretty much what I thought. And, well. I only hope my support makes a difference. If not to the president, then at least to you."
Alex wanted to fucking pound David Fucking Wheeler into the ground. How dare that sanctimonious sack of shit act like Alex needed his support. His forgiveness. And make Alex jump through hoops in order to earn it.
His jaw clenched. "You know. You could have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble. Now? You can shove your support and letter up your ass."
"See? I *knew* you'd be like this!" David exclaimed. "Get offended, like I have no right. You were my Goddamn mentor, Alex. I idolized you, okay? You were fucking fantastic. Brilliant and intense. You could think circles around anyone you met, and I was basically convinced that you, I don't know. Hung the moon. Wrote the book, whatever. And you know what happens when you lose faith in something. It hits you hard. Colors everything." He shrugged. "I got bit once, Alex. Excuse me for being cautious about this."
He knew what David was saying was logical. Made sense, he'd want to make sure that Alex was penitent. Or at least aware of what he'd done was wrong.
Didn't stop it from being smug and condescending in Alex's eyes. Didn't take the sting away.
He stood. "Don't bother," he said, walking to the door. "I wouldn't want disappoint the great and mighty David Wheeler."
"Please," David said, rolling his eyes. "Now you're just being irrational."
"Go fuck yourself."
The door opened and the guard came in. "You done?"
"Yeah," Alex said. "We're done."
"Alex, don't do this. Just calm down, please. I'm just..."
Alex stormed out ahead of the guard.
"Yo, Alex, wait up or I might have to taser you."
He stopped, arms crossed across his chest.
The guard caught up. "What was that? Thought he was your friend."
"Please. He's someone I once worked with. He put me away for my crimes against the government."
"Didn't you turn yourself in?"
"He was on my tail. A good agent."
"So what was that about?"
His heart was slowing to its normal pace. The roaring in his ears faded. His limbs trembled as the adrenaline that had coursed through him bled away. "I don't know," he admitted. "He just set me off. Wasn't his fault."
The guard cocked his head back. "I think he's still there."
"You know, the guards here are worse meddlers than little old ladies in nursing homes."
He grinned widely. "For that past three months, I've been running the psych-infirmary-special needs wings. I'm bored outta my mind. Meddling's all I got."
Alex rolled his eyes. After taking a deep breath, he strode back to the visiting room. Opened the door and stuck his head inside.
David was still there, talking on his cell phone. The bag he'd brought was on the table in front of him.
He went in and picked up the bag.
"I'll call you back," David said. He hung up the phone. "Alex..."
"Don't," he said sharply. "I'm sorry. I was... I don't know what's wrong. Everything's wrong. And I wasn't thinking clearly."
"It's okay, Alex. I didn't mean for it to come off like I'm doing you a favor, or acting like your judge. I just needed to know, that's all."
"I understand." He shrugged. A smile flitted across his face. "I would do the same."
David pushed himself to his feet. "You're too thin. And you look tired."
"Thanks mother. I'll keep that in mind."
"I'm just worried."
"It's been a bad few weeks. I am tired. All my focus and energy right now are on Michael. And it's hard in here to find room to take time for oneself. It's the nature of the beast."
"It'll get better. Either you'll get out or it'll get better."
"Yeah, sure." He sighed. Rubbed his eyes wearily. "I hope so."
* * *
Michael had forgotten how pretty Travis was. Not handsome, like Ricky, or flat out gorgeous like Alex, but pretty pretty. Like a male model or something. Long, curly blond eyelashes and freckles on his perfect nose. Soft full pink lips and a fantastic physique. He'd been working out.
Worst of all, was how full of energy and life he was. Happy and smiling and joking and just generally making everyone laugh and warm to him.
Michael hated him.
When he'd gotten back from his shrink, Alex had been gone. Randall and O'Connell hadn't seen him since Michael had cut and run earlier. And he didn't wan to ask the guards, because he wasn't sure of them. So, he was sitting in the common room, curled in a far corner, pretending to read while really keeping an eye on Travis.
He hated Travis.
Without having read one word on the page, Michael turned the page of his book. Narrowed his eyes and glared at Travis the Beautiful.
"And then," Travis said, laughing so hard he could barely speak. "Then the orderly walks in and just, you know. Stops. Dead. And me and Bruce were just standing there and there's honey all over the floor, right? And then Bruce just, *freaks* the fuck out and drops the peanut butter."
"No," Randall laughed.
"He did. And it's that all natural stuff that only comes glass jars, so it shatters. All over my pants and shoes and Bruce's and the orderly just... just turns bright red. I swear to God, I thought his head was gonna explode."
"And they didn't throw you in the SHU or anything?" asked O'Connell.
Travis shook his pretty head, stupid pretty blonde curls waving gently as he did. "Naw, they don't do stuff like that in the nut bin. They just made us clean it up, which was fine, since Bruce and me had a shitload of chocolate. We had a feast."
Michael scowl. Turned the page again.
"Hey, anyone see... Travis!" Without so much glancing at him, Alex strode into the kitchen and made a beeline to Travis.
"Alex! I've been waiting for you, man. Where you been?" Travis bounded out of his seat and straight into Alex's arms. He wrapped himself around Alex like a fucking octopus. Squeezed far tighter and far longer than he needed.
Michael's hands clenched. The cover of his book twisted. Tore at the binding.
"What are you doing here, kid?" Alex extricated himself from Travis's grasp. Mussed his hair.
"I had this, like, break through in therapy a few weeks ago. My shrink thinks I'm good to leave the safety and security of the nut bin, so he sent me back here. Said I'm good for sensitive needs. And here I am." He grinned. Gave Alex a slow once over. "You look really good, Alex." His voice had lowered a notch.
The little prick was gay. And hitting on his boyfriend. While being pretty.
"Thanks. I've heard otherwise today, but it's always good to hear." He clapped Travis on the arm and stepped back.
Travis followed. "Who'd say that? I mean it, Alex, you look good. Seriously, man." And he gave Alex the once over again.
Alex's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Oh. Well. Thank you." He gave Travis a strained smile. "Do you guys know where Michael is?"
Randall cleared his throat. Nodded to Michael in the corner.
Alex turned. "Hey. I've been looking for you."
"I've been right here."
"You okay?"
"Just peachy. Where were you?"
"David came to see me. He brought... stuff."
Michael raised his eyebrow.
"Puzzle books and stuff. Want to see it?"
He shrugged. "Whatever. Sure." He closed his book. Rose and followed Alex out of the room.
"How was your session?" Alex asked. He slipped his hand into Michael's.
Reflexively, Michael started to pull away. Then he realized that if he did that now, he might lose Alex to pretty Travis. So, instead, he tightened his grip. Hung on. "Okay. I don't know. We talked about riots."
"Fun."
"Oh, yeah. Very fun." He sighed. "Anyway. He thinks maybe I should go on anti-depressants or something." He pushed the door to their cell open.
"Oh."
Michael turned to look at Alex. "What?"
He shrugged. "Nothing. Just... Oh." Alex ran his hand over his hair and sat on the bed. "I'm doing it. On medication. It's not so bad."
Michael sat next to him. "I was one stuff before. I need a physical and stuff first. He wants me to keep like a journal this week." He licked his lips. "Are you disappointed?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm turning into a junkie. Like my brother."
Alex snorted. He put his arms around Michael and pulled him down to the bed with him. "When I said I didn't want you doing drugs, this wasn't what I meant. This is fine." He kissed Michael once, twice on the lips, mouth soft and gentle against Michael's own. "Are you disappointed?
Michael shrugged. "I did so good for so long. Off medication. Focused. Happy. Even when I got here, I was happy. So happy to be with you." His hand clenched in Alex's shirt. "I hate him so much."
"I know."
"No, you don't." His throat closed, making it hard to speak. "I *hate* him. What he did. to me. Why? I just..." He squeezed his eyes shut. A sob tore from his throat. Painful. Deep. And they just kept coming. More and more, deeper and deeper.
Alex pulled Michael against his chest. Stroked his back. Kissed his temple, his hair. "I'm sorry, Michael. I'm so sorry."
He couldn't stop crying. But it wasn't just crying. Crying didn't hurt like this. Crying didn't feel like his insides were trying to force their way out through his mouth. It wasn't deep. Painful. This felt like he was dying.
He cried for a long time. It felt like forever. And the whole time, Alex just lay there, stroking his hair. Rubbing his back. Making soothing sounds and holding him. Keeping him safe.
Finally, finally the painful sobs abated. Tears still flowed down Michael's cheeks, but they were silent. Peaceful.
"I need to start, you know. Going to the fitness room or something," Michael said, voice hoarse. "Hit things."
"Sounds good." He kissed the top of Michael's head. "Maybe we should anyway. Get the endorphins working."
He snorted. "Yeah." Sniffing, he wiped his nose against Alex's shirt. "Maybe I'll tone up, too. Look more like Travis. Pretty, pretty Travis."
"Are you threatened by Travis?" He twined his fingers in Michael's hair. Tugged.
"Maybe."
"He's just a kid."
"A pretty kid."
"He might be pretty. You're beautiful. And you're mine." He tugged Michael's head back. Kissed him, long and thorough. "I'll keep you."
"Bad mood and flabby stomach and all?"
He laughed and kissed Michael again. "For better and for worse, Michael. Sickness and health. And all that other stuff."
That brought laughter from Michael, heavily colored by relief. Embarrassment. "I'm being silly, huh?"
"No more silly than I've been over Ricky. Especially since Travis and I have a past." He stroked the side of Michael's face. "He's a kid. Someone who was hurt. Someone I had to help. And he has a sort of hero worship towards me. I could never take advantage of that, even if I was remotely interested. Which I'm not."
"He is."
"Yeah, I noticed that." He snorted thoughtfully. "Didn't realize he was gay."
"Maybe that's what his breakthrough was." Michael sighed. Pressed his face into Alex's neck. "I could use a breakthrough around now."
Another kiss was placed on top of his head. "It doesn't help that you're bored. Not that there's much to do around here." He stroked Michael's arm. "Limited society. The same thing day after day. It sucks."
"It does suck." He wiped his eyes on Alex's shirt. "What did David want?"
"Warden asked if he'd be willing to write something on my behalf. He just wanted to see if I was the kind of person he was willing to do that for."
"Are you?"
"After I removed my foot from my mouth, I think I proved to be."
Michael laughed. Kissed Alex's jaw. "That's good. You'll have to introduce me to him when we get out of here. He seems like a good guy."
"He is an excellent man. And excellent agent. I've always been sorry I let him down." He nipped Michael's ear. "Michael. When we get out, will you marry me?"
Michael froze. His stomach nose-dived. Head spun.
He pushed himself up. "What?"
Alex sat up, too, and took Michael's hands in his. "Will you marry me?"
"We can't. I mean...."
"Screw the whole legal thing, okay Michael? This is about you and me. I love you. Now and forever. Marry me."
Still shocked, still frozen, Michael was unable to do anything but nod inanely.
A slow, lopsided grin spread over Alex's face. "Really?"
"Yeah. Yeah, really." He practically fell onto Alex, kissing him, arms wrapped around him tightly. "I'll marry you, Alex. "
Alex kissed him back. His thumb rubbed against Michael's cheek, wiping away a tear. This time, though, the tear hadn't been shed in sorrow.
Author: serafina20
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Michael/Mahone
Summary: Four months into his sentence for the murder of Oscar Shales, Alexander Mahone gets a new cellie.
Alex was surprised when a guard came to tell him he had a visitor. Besides his family, no one ever came to visit him. He'd never had many friends, and those he had, he'd alienated after killing Shales. So unless it was Pam or Lincoln, he had no idea who might be here to see him.
He changed his shirt before following the guard to the sensitive needs waiting room. Except he wasn't taken there. He was taken to a private room, reserved for lawyers and law enforcement. That narrowed the field somewhat.
David Wheeler was in the room when Alex was shown in. He stood and smiled. As always, he seemed somewhat nervous and incredibly awkward. In some ways, he reminded Alex of Michael: smart, cute, and somewhat out of step with the rest of the world. Only, strangely enough, Michael was actually better at blending in. Despite everything, he was just more comfortable in his skin than Wheeler was.
"David. Good to see you again." He didn't say that, despite their amicable parting, he never expected to se the other man again.
David shook his hand. "You too. I had time, so I thought I could, you know. Come see you."
"I appreciate it. Gets boring in here sometimes."
"I bet." David smoothed down his shirt as he sat down. "I heard about the riot. How are you?"
"Fine. I was a little bruised, but nothing too bad," he answered as he took a seat across from the other man.
David nodded. Hesitated. "And, uh. Michael?"
He shrugged. "About the same. Considerably more upset, though." He tapped his fingers on the table, wanting to talk. Wanting to unload all his worries, his fears about Michael to someone, anyone. He'd been talking to Pam nonstop since the riot, almost every night. That didn't take the worry away. Nothing would.
He held his tongue. David didn't care about Michael's personal angst. And Michael wouldn't appreciate Alex sharing it with a stranger. Even a stranger who had studied Michael's profile as intently as any doctor.
"Oh. I, uh. Brought you something. You and Michael because I figured.... Um. Here." He handed Alex a bag.
"Thanks, David." He pulled out the contents. There were three Sudoku books, a puzzle book, and 1776 by David McCullough. "Wow. Thank you. I appreciate this." Alex looked up at the other man. Smiled. "Thanks."
David shrugged. "It wasn't anything. I just went to the bookstore. You know. Saw those and thought how you were always doing those. And you might be bored or whatever."
"It's great. Really."
"Well, uh. You're welcome." He cleared his throat. Looked down at his hands.
Alex put the books back into the bag. Set it by his feet. "So, David. What brings you here?" Because he didn't come just to give Alex puzzles.
He cleared his throat. Adjusted his glasses. Looked up and met Alex's gaze. "You Oscar Shales. Buried him in your backyard."
Apparently, he was here to reminisce. "I did."
"Why?"
He let out a long, slow breath. "The case got to me. I thought I was fine. Holding it together. Ever notice how much his last victim looked like Pam?" he asked. "Dark hair, dark eyes. Six months pregnant." He swallowed. "Pam and I were trying again. Always wanted two kids. Might happen for her now. Not me. But that's..." He shook his head and waved it away. "He knew it too. About my wife. What she looked like. He killed her to taunt me. And then he did taunt me when I caught up with him. I didn't go after him, not intentionally. I was just... in his head. Trying to anticipate where he would have gone. And there he was."
"Where?"
"Some bar in Peoria. He caught me in the bathroom. We fought. He knocked me out. When I woke up, he was gone and had taken a picture of Pam from my wallet. Which he still had when I got back to my hotel room and found him on my bed. We fought again. I pinned him to the wall. He kept talking. Wouldn't shut the fuck up. Kept talking about all the women he'd killed. Them and their unborn children. How he looked forward to doing Pam once I got her knocked up. That he was sad he hadn't known me when she was pregnant with Cameron. And he was saying more, I don't know. I just snapped. Shot him, through the head." Alex shrugged. There wasn't much more to say.
David looked down at the table. Ran his fingers over the chipped plastic. "How do you feel about it?"
"What kind of question is that?" he asked harshly.
"A valid one."
His gut churned. "I'm not sorry the bastard's dead. He was an animal. He needed to be put down." Alex's brow knotted. He clenched his fist. "Do I wish it had happened differently? Yes. I always have, from the moment I pulled that trigger, I wanted nothing more. Am I sorry?" He shrugged. "Honestly? I don't know."
"What about the others? Abruzzi and the kid?"
"Those I regret. Especially Apolskis. He was just a kid. Innocent, even for a crook. You know the last thing he did was trick me so he could go visit some girl?" Alex smiled, bitterness filling him. "Some girl he met and crushed on. Said he was going to write her every day. Cute girl, too. Too good for him, but..." He shook his head. "A waste. Just like everything the Company did. Waste." He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I regret what I did to Shales only because it went against what I tried so hard to believe in. In truth and honor and justice. In my country. In that moment of weakness, I threw it all over. Became no better than..." He bit off what he was going to say and finished with, "the Company." He looked up at David. "I'm sorry I failed you. But I'm proud of you, what you did. Investigating me, my misdeeds. That takes a strong man, David. A good man. And I wish I could have been more like you."
David looked at him for a long time. Always so serious anyway, he looked to be studying Alex for an exam. Trying to memorize him. Quantify and classify. For what, though, Alex didn't know.
"Okay." David nodded. "That's all I wanted to know."
"For what?" Angry now. For having to go through that. For still not being over it. For his former protégée, unofficial that he may have been, rubbing it all back in Alex's face. "So you could rest easy, knowing that you've put a criminal in prison? There was never any doubt of that, David. I could have told you that without you ever needing to come."
He shook his head, eyes widening. "No. Alex, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean... The warden contacted me. About you. He asked if I would be wiling to write a letter on your behalf. To help get you out of here." He adjusted is glasses again. "I always looked up to you. You were... And when I realized that you were corrupt, or suspected, I was hurt. Took it personally."
"You still offered to help me," Alex said, looking away.
"When I realized you were in trouble, yeah. Of course. You were, well. Not my friend, but I wanted to help. I just wasn't sure I could help put you back out there."
"Have I satisfied your fear that I'll be a danger to society if put back on the streets, or are you still afraid I'll go on a killing spree?"
"That wasn't my fear, Alex," David said, his voice soft. "I just needed to know why you did. Why you really did it, I mean. Shales and the others. And how you felt about it."
"And?"
"And now I know." He shrugged. "It's pretty much what I thought. And, well. I only hope my support makes a difference. If not to the president, then at least to you."
Alex wanted to fucking pound David Fucking Wheeler into the ground. How dare that sanctimonious sack of shit act like Alex needed his support. His forgiveness. And make Alex jump through hoops in order to earn it.
His jaw clenched. "You know. You could have saved yourself a whole lot of trouble. Now? You can shove your support and letter up your ass."
"See? I *knew* you'd be like this!" David exclaimed. "Get offended, like I have no right. You were my Goddamn mentor, Alex. I idolized you, okay? You were fucking fantastic. Brilliant and intense. You could think circles around anyone you met, and I was basically convinced that you, I don't know. Hung the moon. Wrote the book, whatever. And you know what happens when you lose faith in something. It hits you hard. Colors everything." He shrugged. "I got bit once, Alex. Excuse me for being cautious about this."
He knew what David was saying was logical. Made sense, he'd want to make sure that Alex was penitent. Or at least aware of what he'd done was wrong.
Didn't stop it from being smug and condescending in Alex's eyes. Didn't take the sting away.
He stood. "Don't bother," he said, walking to the door. "I wouldn't want disappoint the great and mighty David Wheeler."
"Please," David said, rolling his eyes. "Now you're just being irrational."
"Go fuck yourself."
The door opened and the guard came in. "You done?"
"Yeah," Alex said. "We're done."
"Alex, don't do this. Just calm down, please. I'm just..."
Alex stormed out ahead of the guard.
"Yo, Alex, wait up or I might have to taser you."
He stopped, arms crossed across his chest.
The guard caught up. "What was that? Thought he was your friend."
"Please. He's someone I once worked with. He put me away for my crimes against the government."
"Didn't you turn yourself in?"
"He was on my tail. A good agent."
"So what was that about?"
His heart was slowing to its normal pace. The roaring in his ears faded. His limbs trembled as the adrenaline that had coursed through him bled away. "I don't know," he admitted. "He just set me off. Wasn't his fault."
The guard cocked his head back. "I think he's still there."
"You know, the guards here are worse meddlers than little old ladies in nursing homes."
He grinned widely. "For that past three months, I've been running the psych-infirmary-special needs wings. I'm bored outta my mind. Meddling's all I got."
Alex rolled his eyes. After taking a deep breath, he strode back to the visiting room. Opened the door and stuck his head inside.
David was still there, talking on his cell phone. The bag he'd brought was on the table in front of him.
He went in and picked up the bag.
"I'll call you back," David said. He hung up the phone. "Alex..."
"Don't," he said sharply. "I'm sorry. I was... I don't know what's wrong. Everything's wrong. And I wasn't thinking clearly."
"It's okay, Alex. I didn't mean for it to come off like I'm doing you a favor, or acting like your judge. I just needed to know, that's all."
"I understand." He shrugged. A smile flitted across his face. "I would do the same."
David pushed himself to his feet. "You're too thin. And you look tired."
"Thanks mother. I'll keep that in mind."
"I'm just worried."
"It's been a bad few weeks. I am tired. All my focus and energy right now are on Michael. And it's hard in here to find room to take time for oneself. It's the nature of the beast."
"It'll get better. Either you'll get out or it'll get better."
"Yeah, sure." He sighed. Rubbed his eyes wearily. "I hope so."
* * *
Michael had forgotten how pretty Travis was. Not handsome, like Ricky, or flat out gorgeous like Alex, but pretty pretty. Like a male model or something. Long, curly blond eyelashes and freckles on his perfect nose. Soft full pink lips and a fantastic physique. He'd been working out.
Worst of all, was how full of energy and life he was. Happy and smiling and joking and just generally making everyone laugh and warm to him.
Michael hated him.
When he'd gotten back from his shrink, Alex had been gone. Randall and O'Connell hadn't seen him since Michael had cut and run earlier. And he didn't wan to ask the guards, because he wasn't sure of them. So, he was sitting in the common room, curled in a far corner, pretending to read while really keeping an eye on Travis.
He hated Travis.
Without having read one word on the page, Michael turned the page of his book. Narrowed his eyes and glared at Travis the Beautiful.
"And then," Travis said, laughing so hard he could barely speak. "Then the orderly walks in and just, you know. Stops. Dead. And me and Bruce were just standing there and there's honey all over the floor, right? And then Bruce just, *freaks* the fuck out and drops the peanut butter."
"No," Randall laughed.
"He did. And it's that all natural stuff that only comes glass jars, so it shatters. All over my pants and shoes and Bruce's and the orderly just... just turns bright red. I swear to God, I thought his head was gonna explode."
"And they didn't throw you in the SHU or anything?" asked O'Connell.
Travis shook his pretty head, stupid pretty blonde curls waving gently as he did. "Naw, they don't do stuff like that in the nut bin. They just made us clean it up, which was fine, since Bruce and me had a shitload of chocolate. We had a feast."
Michael scowl. Turned the page again.
"Hey, anyone see... Travis!" Without so much glancing at him, Alex strode into the kitchen and made a beeline to Travis.
"Alex! I've been waiting for you, man. Where you been?" Travis bounded out of his seat and straight into Alex's arms. He wrapped himself around Alex like a fucking octopus. Squeezed far tighter and far longer than he needed.
Michael's hands clenched. The cover of his book twisted. Tore at the binding.
"What are you doing here, kid?" Alex extricated himself from Travis's grasp. Mussed his hair.
"I had this, like, break through in therapy a few weeks ago. My shrink thinks I'm good to leave the safety and security of the nut bin, so he sent me back here. Said I'm good for sensitive needs. And here I am." He grinned. Gave Alex a slow once over. "You look really good, Alex." His voice had lowered a notch.
The little prick was gay. And hitting on his boyfriend. While being pretty.
"Thanks. I've heard otherwise today, but it's always good to hear." He clapped Travis on the arm and stepped back.
Travis followed. "Who'd say that? I mean it, Alex, you look good. Seriously, man." And he gave Alex the once over again.
Alex's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. "Oh. Well. Thank you." He gave Travis a strained smile. "Do you guys know where Michael is?"
Randall cleared his throat. Nodded to Michael in the corner.
Alex turned. "Hey. I've been looking for you."
"I've been right here."
"You okay?"
"Just peachy. Where were you?"
"David came to see me. He brought... stuff."
Michael raised his eyebrow.
"Puzzle books and stuff. Want to see it?"
He shrugged. "Whatever. Sure." He closed his book. Rose and followed Alex out of the room.
"How was your session?" Alex asked. He slipped his hand into Michael's.
Reflexively, Michael started to pull away. Then he realized that if he did that now, he might lose Alex to pretty Travis. So, instead, he tightened his grip. Hung on. "Okay. I don't know. We talked about riots."
"Fun."
"Oh, yeah. Very fun." He sighed. "Anyway. He thinks maybe I should go on anti-depressants or something." He pushed the door to their cell open.
"Oh."
Michael turned to look at Alex. "What?"
He shrugged. "Nothing. Just... Oh." Alex ran his hand over his hair and sat on the bed. "I'm doing it. On medication. It's not so bad."
Michael sat next to him. "I was one stuff before. I need a physical and stuff first. He wants me to keep like a journal this week." He licked his lips. "Are you disappointed?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm turning into a junkie. Like my brother."
Alex snorted. He put his arms around Michael and pulled him down to the bed with him. "When I said I didn't want you doing drugs, this wasn't what I meant. This is fine." He kissed Michael once, twice on the lips, mouth soft and gentle against Michael's own. "Are you disappointed?
Michael shrugged. "I did so good for so long. Off medication. Focused. Happy. Even when I got here, I was happy. So happy to be with you." His hand clenched in Alex's shirt. "I hate him so much."
"I know."
"No, you don't." His throat closed, making it hard to speak. "I *hate* him. What he did. to me. Why? I just..." He squeezed his eyes shut. A sob tore from his throat. Painful. Deep. And they just kept coming. More and more, deeper and deeper.
Alex pulled Michael against his chest. Stroked his back. Kissed his temple, his hair. "I'm sorry, Michael. I'm so sorry."
He couldn't stop crying. But it wasn't just crying. Crying didn't hurt like this. Crying didn't feel like his insides were trying to force their way out through his mouth. It wasn't deep. Painful. This felt like he was dying.
He cried for a long time. It felt like forever. And the whole time, Alex just lay there, stroking his hair. Rubbing his back. Making soothing sounds and holding him. Keeping him safe.
Finally, finally the painful sobs abated. Tears still flowed down Michael's cheeks, but they were silent. Peaceful.
"I need to start, you know. Going to the fitness room or something," Michael said, voice hoarse. "Hit things."
"Sounds good." He kissed the top of Michael's head. "Maybe we should anyway. Get the endorphins working."
He snorted. "Yeah." Sniffing, he wiped his nose against Alex's shirt. "Maybe I'll tone up, too. Look more like Travis. Pretty, pretty Travis."
"Are you threatened by Travis?" He twined his fingers in Michael's hair. Tugged.
"Maybe."
"He's just a kid."
"A pretty kid."
"He might be pretty. You're beautiful. And you're mine." He tugged Michael's head back. Kissed him, long and thorough. "I'll keep you."
"Bad mood and flabby stomach and all?"
He laughed and kissed Michael again. "For better and for worse, Michael. Sickness and health. And all that other stuff."
That brought laughter from Michael, heavily colored by relief. Embarrassment. "I'm being silly, huh?"
"No more silly than I've been over Ricky. Especially since Travis and I have a past." He stroked the side of Michael's face. "He's a kid. Someone who was hurt. Someone I had to help. And he has a sort of hero worship towards me. I could never take advantage of that, even if I was remotely interested. Which I'm not."
"He is."
"Yeah, I noticed that." He snorted thoughtfully. "Didn't realize he was gay."
"Maybe that's what his breakthrough was." Michael sighed. Pressed his face into Alex's neck. "I could use a breakthrough around now."
Another kiss was placed on top of his head. "It doesn't help that you're bored. Not that there's much to do around here." He stroked Michael's arm. "Limited society. The same thing day after day. It sucks."
"It does suck." He wiped his eyes on Alex's shirt. "What did David want?"
"Warden asked if he'd be willing to write something on my behalf. He just wanted to see if I was the kind of person he was willing to do that for."
"Are you?"
"After I removed my foot from my mouth, I think I proved to be."
Michael laughed. Kissed Alex's jaw. "That's good. You'll have to introduce me to him when we get out of here. He seems like a good guy."
"He is an excellent man. And excellent agent. I've always been sorry I let him down." He nipped Michael's ear. "Michael. When we get out, will you marry me?"
Michael froze. His stomach nose-dived. Head spun.
He pushed himself up. "What?"
Alex sat up, too, and took Michael's hands in his. "Will you marry me?"
"We can't. I mean...."
"Screw the whole legal thing, okay Michael? This is about you and me. I love you. Now and forever. Marry me."
Still shocked, still frozen, Michael was unable to do anything but nod inanely.
A slow, lopsided grin spread over Alex's face. "Really?"
"Yeah. Yeah, really." He practically fell onto Alex, kissing him, arms wrapped around him tightly. "I'll marry you, Alex. "
Alex kissed him back. His thumb rubbed against Michael's cheek, wiping away a tear. This time, though, the tear hadn't been shed in sorrow.
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Date: 2007-04-19 02:50 am (UTC)Just *you*. *sniffles*
*hugs you tight*
That was gorgeous and awesome, and I love love love love the marriage proposal so much. *sniffles* :D
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Date: 2007-04-21 01:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 02:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-19 03:06 am (UTC)They can get married in Canada... And Chicago's not so far away... A wedding in late June in the Muskokas or Bruce Peninsula would be pretty and not too far... Or, oh!, a July wedding on the Magdalen Islands would be so, so lovely and peaceful...
Damn it! I'm such a creampuff! I'm already picturing the sunset and their outfits.
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Date: 2007-04-21 01:57 am (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2007-04-21 02:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 01:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-19 05:45 am (UTC)Okay, so I might have a certain love for Wheeler/Mahone *coughs*. This entire *chapter* is love. Not just the proposal, but the Jason stuff as well. *squeals* and defensive!Alex is just icing on the cake.
And of course, jealous!Michael and Travis, and then the little sprinkles on this extremely lovely cake (to follow one analogy)... proposal.
Alex is having a weird day :)
More? Soon? Please??
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Date: 2007-04-21 02:00 am (UTC)I'm rather fond of the two of them myself. There's just something about them., you know?
Alex is having a weird day :)
He is. But any day that ends with Michael saying yes is a good one, ne? :)
Thank you!
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Date: 2007-04-21 03:48 am (UTC)Maybe I misread. Meh.
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Date: 2007-04-21 03:52 am (UTC)I did. Crap. I'm usually so good at this, too. *blushes* Thanks.
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Date: 2007-04-21 12:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-19 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 02:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-19 06:02 pm (UTC)I enjoy reading it so much! Might as well re-read it whole from the beginning now lol
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Date: 2007-04-21 02:02 am (UTC)Thank you! :P
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Date: 2007-04-19 06:09 pm (UTC)Seriously, sweetheart, I loved the stuff with Jason because Alex nearly blew it but thank goodness for the guard!!
Poor Michael is still having such a hard time and there was definitely a touch of jealously there! The little prick was gay. And hitting on his boyfriend. While being pretty. How dare the guy try to out-pretty The Pretty!!!
Loved it, as always!
Thanks, sweetie!
*hugs*
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Date: 2007-04-21 02:04 am (UTC)Of course buya new hat. It wouldn't be a wedding without you there. :)
How dare the guy try to out-pretty The Pretty!!!
I actually think it might be illegal, but I'll have to check the books.
Thank you!
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Date: 2007-04-19 07:23 pm (UTC)But no, he proposed and now I am in love with this.
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Date: 2007-04-21 02:05 am (UTC)So. Did you like the proposal? :)
Thank you!
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Date: 2007-04-19 10:41 pm (UTC)And I was crushed by the scene where Alex talked about Shales, his victims, that the last one looked like Pam... Poor Alex. -_-
Great chapter!
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Date: 2007-04-21 02:06 am (UTC)Probably. Because, Alex may know he's Michael's, but Travis doesn't. Michael'll have to let the kid know. :)
Thank you!
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Date: 2007-04-20 10:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-23 05:14 am (UTC)And I'm thrilled it's not the end yet ;]
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Date: 2007-04-26 03:35 am (UTC)Just thought I'd tell you again how much I love this, and how much Michael's jealousy makes me laugh so hard. Especially this:
The little prick was gay. And hitting on his boyfriend. While being pretty.
Heh. Michael, you're gay too. Dont be prejudiced ;o)
Sorry to comment spam you.
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Date: 2007-04-28 01:51 pm (UTC)good job.
ZL