Fic: Cellie

[serafina20]

Title: Cellie
Author: serafina20
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Michael/Mahone
Summary: Four months into his sentence for the murder of Oscar Shales, Alexander Mahone gets a new cellie.



"You hear from the kid yet?" O'Connell asked as he and Alex played a game of war in the rec room.

"Do you think I'd be here if I had?"

He shook his head. "You'd probably be in the cell with the sheet down, huh?"

"You suggesting something?"

"Course not. Sammy and I always have the sheet hung. Course we usually ain't in there at the same time, seein's how I'm in there to pray and he's usually snorting something." He laid a card down. "Then again, we all heard you last night."

Alex sighed. Rubbed his eyes. "Which part?"

"Him freaking out. Some of the rest, but only those who were listening." He tapped his fingers. "People are kind protective over him right now."

"I noticed."

"So you need to be careful."

He looked up, frowning. "What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything to him."

"I know that. But those who weren't listening to the words he was yelling and just the tone.... Kid was pretty panicked. I'd hate for you to be hurt because of a misunderstanding." He met Alex's eyes. "Then he freaked out again this morning..."

"You were there, that wasn't my fault."

"But they weren't there. They just saw him run." O'Connell spread his hands. "Look, Randall and I are too old to get involved in something like this. If something happens to you because someone declares war over that kid... We're too old, you know that."

"Bullshit," Alex said. "You're only a few years older than I am. You just don't want to get involved."

"It's kept us alive. And out of the infirmary. We do our time and no one else's. Don't get involved in petty disputes or fights. Keep our yaps shut, our eyes averted. We stay out."

"Can't even stand up for a friend." Disgusted with the company, he got off the couch and turned to go away.

"You're in prison now, Alex! You gotta stop expecting others to be a hero for you."

He turned, still walking backwards. "Yeah, I got it. You've got every prison saying down and tattooed in your memory. Wonderful. But remember this. You may be a convict whose word in here is as good as gold, but at least I'm still a man."

"Yeah, you the man, FBI!" some jerkoff crowed as he left the rec room.

He kept going, too angry to see where he was walking. Too pissed off and frustrated to care. Too...

"Alex." Someone grabbed his wrist.

He turned, ready to fight. A pair of wide blue eyes stopped him.

"Michael." He had to restrain himself from reaching for him, clenching his fists before he could take him by the face. He forced them back down by his hips. "Are you all right?"

Michael nodded. "I'm better now, yeah. I just... I'm sorry I freaked out."

"It's all right. I'm just not entirely sure why."

He blushed and rolled his eyes. "You know me. I blame everything on myself. This one seemed so easy. Ricky wanted me. Nicky got jealous. Everything that happened was my fault."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"I'm trying not to."

Alex opened his mouth, ready to tell Michael everything. The medical reports. The interview with the ex-boyfriend. A history of jealousy that had to have gone back years. The abuse born out of that jealous and twisted sick love, given a place to flourish in prison. A new excuse to do what he was already doing.

But then he closed his mouth. Took Michael by the arm. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" Michael asked, stumbling slightly as Alex practically dragged him across the floor.

Alex didn't answer. Pulled Michael after him as he mounted the stairs.

"Yo, what do you think you're doing, FBI?" Paul Rossi demanded as he and Michael approached Ricky's cell. He and the other members of the mob came off the wall and formed a barrier.

Alex pulled Michael in front of him. "He and Ricky need to talk, don't you think?"

Paul rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well if he can get Ricky to talk, it'll be a miracle."

"What do you mean?"

"Ricky ain't talked in almost a month. Ever since his brother got transferred." He looked over Michael, then stepped aside. "Blueprints can be my guest. You? Not so much."

"Go ahead, Michael."

"Alex..."

"Go." He pushed Michael gently.

Michael nodded, walked through the line of mobsters and into Ricky's cell.

Alex stood where he was, hands in his pockets, waiting. He was well aware that he was being scrutinized by Paul and the others, not to mention Jacks and Martinez, who were across the cellblock. He tried not to let that bother him. Michael needed this. Being told it wasn't his fault by someone on the outside wasn't going to work. He wasn't going to believe it. Better to risk the idea that Ricky would blame Michael for what happened than Michael to convince himself of that.

"Just so you know," Paul said, "no one was supposed to touch the kid. We were to offer protection. If he didn't want it, we were just supposed to let him alone. Stop anyone from killing him, 'cause he did set Abruzzi free. But what Nicky did..." He shook his head.

"Michael isn't transferring cells," Alex said. "He won't be needing your protection."

Paul gave him a quick half smile. "Maybe, maybe not. This is prison, and your boy there is the prettiest piece around. You'll have to fight pretty hard if someone gets his mind set on him. Oh, and speaking of fighting..."

"Yes?" Alex pulled his hands from his pockets, ready, just in case.

"Whether or not Michael accepts our protection officially, as the man who gunned down in cold blood a member of our family, you are the number one enemy in this place. You want to keep him, you better make sure he's happy. Or else something might happen to you."

Amused and irritated all at once, Alex smiled blandly. "And you're to be the judge of how happy he is? I hardly think you're impartial."

Paul rolled his eyes. "Want me to spell it out? His eyes light up like Christmas morning when he sees you, you don't die. He spends the night screaming about you trying to touch him when he don't want it, you die."

"I did not hurt him last night," Alex hissed. He moved without thinking, grabbing Paul by the shirt.

Immediately, the others moved in, pulling him away. Pushing him back.

Paul smiled. Brushed the wrinkles from his clothing. Met Alex's eyes and took a couple steps closer. "I heard him last night. I ain't stupid. He had a panic attack. Freaked out. Why do you think you're not dead? And before you ask, no. If you two lovebirds have a spat and stop riding together, a hit won't go out."

So everyone knew. Or at least the mob did.

Alex stepped away. Crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. "I still think you're hardly impartial enough to judge."

"Please. I've got five years left on my sentence. You think I'm going to risk that for anything less than the real deal?" He leaned against the wall and adopted a pose similar to Alex. "Look, as long as we all keep to our own sides of the field and no one tries to fuck Mikey or my boys up, we might all just be able to get along. That good for you?"

He quirked an eyebrow. "All I ever wanted."

"Good. Then we have an understanding."

God. He hoped they did.

* * *

"Hey, Ricky," Michael said quietly after stepping inside. He'd been there for quiet a few moments and Ricky had yet to acknowledge him, yet to look up from the crossword puzzle he was working on.

Even the greeting was met with nothing.

Michael sighed. Sat on the edge of the bunk at Ricky's legs. "I came to apologize. For everything. For," he exhaled hard. Rubbed his eyes. "For not being better. More sensitive when I turned you down. I didn't realize I was turning you down. I hoped we could be friends, even if I didn't accept the mob's protection. I didn't know." He licked his lower lip. Pulled at the fingers on his right hand. "I'm sorry that Nicky got angry at you over me. That he was jealous. That he... hurt you because of me." He looked over at Ricky. "I'm so sorry."

While Michael had been talking, Ricky had finally put the crossword down. Lay there, head propped up by his pillow, looking at Michael through admittedly pretty moss-green eyes. "You're serious, aren't you?" he said.

"I am. I'm sorry."

Ricky rolled his eyes. "Go have a priest hear your confession, Blue-eyes. Ask God for forgiveness. I'm not the one you should be asking."

"Because you won't give it."

"Because there's nothing to forgive." He sat up. Moved closer to Michael. "Yes, I wanted you." He ran his thumb down the side of Michael's face. "Still do. You're beautiful, baby doll. Christ." Lips ghosted over Michael cheek, his jaw. Then Ricky pulled back. "You said no. Yeah, I was embarrassed. Yeah, I was pissed off at you. No, I didn't tell Nicky to attack you. And Nicky didn't exactly need an invitation to use me. It's an ongoing agreement. I'm the only one he has."

Michael blinked. "But he raped you."

"You can't rape the willing, doll."

"You weren't willing. He forced you. Alex told me what you looked like."

"When was this? Before or after he tried to make love to your scars?"

Stung, Michael leapt off the bed. Crossed his arms over his chest and hugged his body tightly.

"I'm right above you, baby. I hear things." Ricky smiled. "And about Nicky. He likes it rough, that's all." He rose from the bed and swaggered to Michael, pressing him against the wall. "I don't, if you're interested," he whispered in Michael's ear. "And want a man more your age."

He swallowed hard and tried to pull back as far as he could. Which was impossible since he was against a concrete wall. "It's not that I don't think you're attractive," he said, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

"It's just you're stupid crazy over FBI."

"Sort of."

"Yeah, sort of nothing." Ricky swooped in suddenly and kissed Michael. Before Michael had time to react, he pulled away and went back to the bed. "Don't beat yourself up about me and Nicky. We're fucked up from way back when."

He shook his head. "You don't have to let Nicky do that to you."

"Look. Nicky? Nicky's special, okay? Like the opposite of me. He got bad grades, had trouble with math and reading. I think he's dyslexic, but no one ever would test him. I had to help him pass everything. Only thing he was ever good at was fighting and fucking, you know? And he's as straight as an arrow. I'm... I'm the faggot. And when Nicky found out I was fucking guys, he went insane. Told me I was his. That I couldn't do that. Couldn't let other guys touch me. I was his. And then we started..." He shrugged. "We started fucking."

"He started raping you."

Ricky's face went blank. "You call it rape, I call it... giving something my brother needed. And maybe that doesn't make us quite so different, huh, beautiful?"

"No," Michael said, feeling hot and leaden and gross. "I guess maybe not."

* * *

Michael was silent when he emerged from Ricky's cell. Together, they walked back to their cell, getting there just as a fight broke out on the upper tier. It would have escalated, but the guards were in right away forcing people back their cells, locking them all in.

"Take the rest of the afternoon to cool off, gentlemen!" the head CO shouted. "Lunches will be bagged and brought to you so as not to inconvenience you too much."

Alex could have kissed whoever had started that fight. Time alone with Michael. Time to rest and relax and just... unwind.

He went to the bars and lowered the sheet. When he turned, Michael was stretched on his bunk, pillow against his chest, arm underneath his head. He looked lost in his thoughts.

"Mind if I join you?" Alex asked.

"Come."

He climbed over Michael and spooned behind him. Kissed the nape of his neck. "How did it go with Ricky?"

"I don't know." He sighed. Lolled his head back against Alex's shoulder. "He said it wasn't my fault. Fairly laughed in my face about it." His face scrunched. "He said... he said that he was just giving his brother what he needed. And that maybe he and I weren't so different."

Alex tightened his arms around Michael. "It's not true."

"Yes, it is. I mean, to a certain extent it is. Lincoln didn't want my body, but if he'd asked, I can't say I'd say no. Not if I though he really needed me." He licked his lips. "I was willing to do anything for him. Still am. Whose to say I'm any different?"

He didn't know what to say. Put like that, Michael had a point. Beyond even that, the sacrifices both men were willing to make for their brothers. They were both brilliant men. Sensitive. Gifted. Yes, Ricky was harder around the edges. Killed if not easily, at least more willingly than Michael (who, to date, had not, of course, killed anyone). But their motives...

But it wasn't the same. It wasn't.

"Michael. Michael, roll over. Please."

He did. Put his arm around Alex's waist.

"There's a difference. There really is, no matter what Ricky believes. The thing is, Lincoln never, ever would have asked you to give up your life to break him out. He would never demanded your body. Whatever you gave for him, you gave willingly. Without coercion or because you felt you had to. Yes, you felt you owed it to him. Bu you knew that if it came down to it, Lincoln would rather you stay safe in your loft, living your life. The only thing he would have asked would be to look after LJ, and that's just being family. What Nicky did... that was rape. Incest. Forced. And maybe Ricky has himself convinced he did it out of love, but you know that's not true." He caressed Michael's cheek with the back of his knuckles. "He knows it's not true, either."

Michael let out a long breath. "The stories we tell."

"What?"

"We tell ourselves stories. To cope, to get by. Our versions of what happened so we can live with the unlivable." He stroked Alex's chest. "I used to tell myself stuff about my father. That my family was better without him. That he must have done terrible things to mom and Lincoln. That he was really a secret agent or whatever. Stories because the idea that he left because of me--which of course I thought--was too painful to deal with." Michael sighed. Rubbed his thumb over Alex's lower lip. "Lincoln tells himself that his life got screwed up because of the money he borrowed to send me to college. But I think he borrowed that money because he knew that... he knew he couldn't hack it, you know? That he'd never be able to hold down a job, have a straight life. So he did that, even though I could have gotten a full ride of any college I wanted."

"What story do I tell myself?"

Michael shrugged. "I don't know. I like to think that you've stopped telling yourself stories. You're facing what you did. To Shales, I mean. And for the company. Stopping with the storytelling and facing reality."

"Maybe. Although I suppose there are still stories I tell to get through this. My son will continue to want to see me, to come and visit his father in jail even seven years down the line. That Pam will continue to make sacrifice after sacrifice instead of living her life. That this, between us... that it's real."

Michael leaned in and kissed him. Wrapped his arms tightly around Alex and held him close. "If this is a story, Alex," he whispered, "Then I'm never going to stop living it. This story feels more real than anything else in my life. Ever." Kissed him again. "Never stop telling this story. Just... never stop."

Comments

[deadbeat-nymph.livejournal.com]

Ah! I was just about to go to bed and decided to refresh my f-page one more time and I'm so glad I did! :D Off to read...

[accrues.livejournal.com]

OMG I LOVE this fic.

I'm way too tired to outline WHY, but...

"Maybe. Although I suppose there are still stories I tell to get through this. My son will continue to want to see me, to come and visit his father in jail even seven years down the line. That Pam will continue to make sacrifice after sacrifice instead of living her life. That this, between us... that it's real."
Is complete and utter love. *snugs Alex*

Michael leaned in and kissed him. Wrapped his arms tightly around Alex and held him close. "If this is a story, Alex," he whispered, "Then I'm never going to stop living it. This story feels more real than anything else in my life. Ever." Kissed him again. "Never stop telling this story. Just... never stop."
So much squee.

You never stop telling THIS story. Just... never stop. Okay?

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

You never stop telling THIS story. Just... never stop. Okay?

Well, once they get to be in their nineties and sitting on the porch, holding hands and drinking juice, it might not be as interesting, but.... okay. :)

[accrues.livejournal.com]

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ;)

Love it! By the way, I had to dash out this morning but I loved What Might Have Been too :)

[brushed-velvet.livejournal.com]

Oh my, I loved the last two paragraphs, so wonderful!

And Alex's little face off with the mob was great.

I'm with Tearcreek, please don't stop telling this story. *hugs*

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!!

[laminy.livejournal.com]

Michael and Ricky are kind of the same. I mean, Michael is seriously devoted to Linc. I can't believe everyone heard the whole scar freak-out, that's gotta be at least a little embarrassing. This was so good, as usual, I am loving it.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

They're the same, but Ricky is infinitely more fucked up, I think. And Lincoln is ten times better, both to his brother and just as a man,than Nicky.

I can't believe everyone heard the whole scar freak-out, that's gotta be at least a little embarrassing.

Oh, completely. Poor Michael. (I do love embarrassing him, though.;)

Thank you.

[barush.livejournal.com]

another great chap!
keep them coming, I need my drug of choice:)

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!

[tuesdaeschild.livejournal.com]

Excellent, as always!!

I especially loved that Michael drew a comparison between Nicky and Ricky and himself and Lincoln. And that Alex put it into perspective for him. Because that much really is true; whatever Michael did for his brother was done willingly and freely given.

"Never stop telling this story. Just... never stop."
I'd say the same to you!! Never stop!!

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

I especially loved that Michael drew a comparison between Nicky and Ricky and himself and Lincoln. And that Alex put it into perspective for him. Because that much really is true; whatever Michael did for his brother was done willingly and freely given.

It's funny, because when I first wrote that comparison, my brain just kind of stopped and I couldn't figure out, besides the fact Lincoln didn't rape Michael, how Michael and Ricky were different. Luckily, Alex explained it to me, too. :)

Thank you!!

[tuesdaeschild.livejournal.com]

Alex really seems to have his finger on the pulse then! Kinda cool that the voice you have perfected for Alex even explained part of the story to you!

And you're very welcome! :D

[deadbeat-nymph.livejournal.com]

This is another great chapter. The interactions with the secondary characters is really good - often when I read slash I think, "get to the naughty/angsty OTP stuff, already!" but that didn't happen at all here.

And this?

"His eyes light up like Christmas morning when he sees you, you don't die."

Pure gold.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

I love to do the secondary character interactions. Often, they end up having storylines of their own if I go long enough. :)

Thank you so much!

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[the-t-blogger.livejournal.com]

There really isnt much to say..everyone has already beat me to it..lol.
This was an amazing chapter and I agree that I never want you to stop telling this story. You are an incredible writer..great, great chapter! It had everything for me..so many emotions and all written perfectly.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!!

[interpretthis.livejournal.com]

Michael drawing out the Nicky/Ricky to Lincoln/Michael parallel made so much sense for him, and Alex putting it right was wonderful and made all the more sense. Ending was pure love.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Thanks!!

[beeharbour.livejournal.com]

Always, always, always enjoy your writing and eagerly read each new installment. That having been said, I have a bit of a hard time with the almost fetishistic reaction that everyone seems to have toward Michael. He's a great looking guy, yeah, but he's also an only moderately in shape mid-thirties, great looking guy, and probably not the best looking thing that ever walked through that prison. I know this because Mahone is an inmate there too. lol

Hope you don't mind the little critique...I'm still very much looking forward to the next eppie!

P.S. Girl, you should be devoting your talents all to your own stuff no matter how much we all would miss you.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

No, I don't mind the critique, but I do have a counter. It's really not everyone who is fetizing or reacting to Michael; it's been mainly three--Mahone, Ricky, and McNabb. Yeah, others have propositioned him, but it was intended (and, yes, authorial intent /=/reader reaction, so it's fine) as more of a locked up inmates reacting to new guy/meat.

Ricky's reaction is because he was hoping rather fervently that there was another gay guy in prison so he could actually have a relationship, rather than coercive sex.

And, yeah, right now I guess people are sort of... placing Michael on a pedastal/no touch/special zone because of what happened to him. At least the mob guys, who were given instructions that Nicky violated. So Michael does have sort of a no touch zone around him, but it's not necessarily because of his looks. The majority of people aren't reacting to his looks, actually, but his status as someone who broke out of prison before (and, thus, might possibly do it again and take them along).

But, again, that's only my intentions and if it's not coming off that way, then... oops. :)

[beeharbour.livejournal.com]

Your writing is coming across very well; you are one of the only 2 or 3 writers I'm dead certain to read the second I see it posted. Just a viewpoint thing I wanted to pass on, certainly not a criticism of your writing, which is so good.

Please feel free to have at me about the things I've posted !

[vorblessing.livejournal.com]

O, this is the best chapter so far! The scene with Ricky was brilliant--I could see it in my mind, the blocking in that difficult cramped space coming across perfectly clear. And the awful tension, the way Ricky is trembling at the edge of some kind of inner gravity well.... I loved it. Thank you!