The Good Guy
Jun. 13th, 2006 10:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafina20Title: The Good Guy
Fandom: X-Men Movie-verse (X2 specific)
Pairing: Logan/Scott
Rating: R
Summary: Jean explained to Logan what girls do with the good guy. What will Logan do with him now that she's gone?
Notes: Into every fic, a lotta angst mus fall.
"Professor?" Scott said, softly, sticking his head into the Professor's office.
Xavier was sitting next to the window, gazing out. His eyes were far away, like he wasn't seeing what was in front of him. He could be anyplace, Scott knew. In any mind, any number of minds, monitoring, checking in, talking.
Or maybe he was just thinking. About Jean. About Magneto. About everything they'd lost when Stryker's army had stormed into the school, stripping their kids of just one more patch of innocence.
Scott didn't want to go back to teaching. Didn't want to face them, see that fear in their eyes. The loss of trust. They'd promised to keep the kids safe, to protect them.
They'd failed.
"Professor," he said again.
Xavier turned. Blinked his eyes back from oblivion and smiled. "Scott. Come in, please." He rolled away from the window and nodded at the couch. "How are you?"
"Okay." He shrugged. "I guess. I have a headache."
Concern darkened Xavier's face. "How long?"
"A few days. Maybe a week. It's been getting worse." He sat, rubbing his temple. "I tried ignoring it. And I went for a jog yesterday, just to see, but... it won't go away."
"I take it this is not a typical headache brought on by your glasses."
He shook his head. "Something's different."
"Lie down."
Scott stretched on the couch, folding his hands over his abdomen. This position was comfortable, familiar. Ever since he'd first come to the mansion, he'd been plagued by headaches. The ruby quartz was a godsend for controlling the blasts, but they could only absorb so much energy. His eyes were constantly barraged with minimal amounts of the energy, straining them. Not only that, but human eyes were designed to see in colors. His had adjusted to the continuous reds, pinks, and scarlets, but, sometimes, it just got to be too much. They burned and strained until the pain spread through his head, crippling him.
Telepathy was an incredible balm for headaches. First the professor, and later Jean, had helped Scott get control of the worst of them by entering his mind, finding the stresses, soothing frayed nerve endings around his eyes, his blood vessels, neck, shoulders, wherever. Calming him, making things better.
It worked better than any massage he'd ever gotten.
"Close your eyes," the professor said, even though, technically, Scott didn't need to.
Still, he did as he was told and closed his eyes. A moment later, he felt the gently inquiring touch of Xavier's mind against his own. It was soft, a caresses. Searching for the source of the pain.
"Ah," he said after a moment's search. "I was afraid this might happen."
"What?" He opened his eyes.
Xavier looked somber. "As you know, you and Jean shared a telepathic link with one another. The mind is a very sensitive thing. When she died, she did her best to close the link. Unfortunately, she was unable to break it completely."
"Which means what?"
"There's a hole, so to speak, in your mind. You're bleeding out it. Hemorrhaging while your mind searches for hers."
"But I'm not telepathic."
"But after years of both her and I training it to receive and communicate as such, it has learned tricks. Ways to adapt to its needs."
"You're saying I need a telepathic link?" he asked, not sure if he liked that idea.
"No," the professor reassured him, shaking his head. "You're simply used to having Jean in your mind. Just as you are used to having her in your life. Now that she's gone, you're learning to cope without her, but you do need help. And you'll need help with this, as well."
Scott frowned and rubbed his forehead. "Am I going to be in pain for long? Or is this something you can, you know. Patch right up."
"No, I can't patch it right up. It will take awhile for it to heal. However, with any luck, you won't be in pain for long once we start repairing what was done." The professor hesitated, and cocked his head. "You might wish to think of this as any sort of healing. You will have your good days and bad for awhile, but, the whole time, you'll have support."
He sighed. "Like Logan," Scott said, knowing that the professor was trying to bring the subject up, yet dancing around it. Badly.
At least Xavier had the decency to look embarrassed. "If you'd rather not discuss it..."
"No, it's okay. My head doesn't hurt as much as it did." He squeezed his nose then dropped his hand to look at the professor. "What do you want to know?"
"How do you feel about the developments in your relationship with Logan?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I honestly don't know what I feel. I mean, it's all just happening so..."
"Quickly?"
"No. Smoothly." Scott looked up at Xavier, meting his eyes, even though Xavier couldn't see his. "Everything with Jean, back in the beginning, was such a struggle. She was so much older than I was, more accomplished. I was barely in my senior year and she was entering medical school. I didn't know how to talk to her, and when I was finally old enough, when she finally started to see me.... Maybe she was right."
"How do you mean?"
Okay, maybe he didn't want to talk about this. All he wanted was to go back to bed and hide under the covers until Logan came and pulled him out again. "She made it hard. Said that we weren't right together. Maybe it was because she knew. About me."
"What about you?"
His cheeks burned. "That I'm... gay."
"Are you gay?"
"I don't... I don't know. I'm attracted to Logan. I want to. You know." He blushed harder.
Xavier leaned forward. "Do your feelings towards Logan negate those you had for Jean? Does what happens now take away everything that came before?"
"I don't know." His voice cracked and eyes burned, and not with power. "I don't know anything." He fisted his hair and tugged. "I'm so confused."
"It's a confusing time. I understand that."
Scott felt the light touch of Xavier's mind once again.
"Is Logan asking you to do anything you're not ready to do?"
He laughed at the idea. There was no reason even to voice the answer; Xavier could see it in his mind. "He's being unbelievably patient," Scott said. "More so than maybe I deserve."
"And you feel like that, why? If Logan cares...."
"Logan deserves more than dealing with an emotionally fucked-up wreck in order to get sex," Scott spat out.
Xavier didn't answer right away. Instead, he put his hand on Scott's knee and said, "Do you have a problem with the fact you are attracted to a man?"
"I don't know."
"Is it that you're attracted to a man, or homosexuality in general?"
"I don't know."
"Does it bother you that Logan has been with men before?"
"I don't know."
Xavier sighed. "Would it bother you to know that I have homosexual inclinations myself?"
Scot's head snapped up. His heart skipped a few beats. "You?"
"Have you met Erik Lensher?" he asked, gentle smile on his face.
"Magneto?" Impossible. The man was the enemy. His ideas were... were radical. Dangerous. Yes, he knew that he and the professor were friends, but.... but lovers? The professor?
Suddenly, his and Xavier's entire relationship shifted and changed. God. Scott had been a kid when he came here. Struggling to survive. He'd done things on the street and he'd... he'd trusted the professor. Trusted him to keep him save, to keep him away from the people like the men on the street. But he was like them.
What he?
"Scott," Xavier said. He squeezed Scott's knee again, and then released it, rolling away. "I'm sorry that you find this news upsetting. If I'd known it was such an issue..."
"It shouldn't be, huh?" Scott tried to laugh, but he felt ill. Dizzy. Like the world was spinning out of control, just like it had the moment he'd realized that Jean was gone. "I mean, God. I'm falling in love with another man, and freaking out because suddenly, all I can think is, on those nights when I couldn't sleep, when you sat with me, were you undressing me with your eyes?"
"Scott." Xavier's voice was sharp. Cutting. "Just because someone falls in love with a man does not mean they would take advantage of a traumatized child. Of *any* child. How dare you? You're like a son to me, I would never...."
"I know." He had to take his glasses off, wipe the tears that were flowing from his eyes. Again. "I know, I'm sorry. I just... I never.... When I was a kid. On the streets. A few guys. More than a few, they gave me money. Food. Clothes. If I'd let them touch me. Touch them. And I was so hungry and frustrated and.... blind and lost that I let them. Got into their cars and let them take off my pants and touch me. And they taught me how to touch them."
"Were you raped?" Xavier asked in that calm, collected voice of his.
Scott shook his head. "I never even sucked anyone off. They did me." His hands were shaking uncontrollably. "It didn't even... register. Like, it wasn't even pleasure or anything. I just... let them. And I thought that, if I could make Jean love me, then that would erase anything that happened before."
Xavier caught both Scott's hands in his own and squeezed. "Scott, listen to me. Listen." He waited until Scott looked at him, even though he was trembling. "You can not doubt what you shared with Jean. You loved her. I know that. Jean knew that. Logan knows that. Whatever happened before you met Jean, whatever happens after, does not change the fact that, while you were with her, you shared something beautiful and deeply special." He squeezed Scott's hands again. "What happened to you on the streets had nothing to do with sexuality. You were right in your beliefs. It was just money. It was survival. And don't think your feelings for Jean were merely prompted by a desire to erase what happened. Just... remember how you felt the first moment you met her, before you even saw her. And, again, after you got your glasses and did see her the first time."
He remembered. She'd been the most beautiful person Scott had ever seen. So full of life. Radiant and perfect and just... wonderful. It'd been so easy to fall in love with her. And so challenging to get her to reciprocate.
Which was why this thing with Logan was scaring him so much. It was so easy. Logan just... sought him out. Took care of him. Put up with his insecurities, and why?
/ Maybe he thinks your worth the wait / Xavier suggested in Scott's mind.
Scott sighed, a wave of sleepiness washing over him. "Maybe."
"Jean did." Xavier put his hand on the back of Scott's head and guided him back to lay on the couch. "When you first started to pursue her, you were too young. Too raw. Even if you never told her what happened to you on the streets, she knew there was pain there. Things you need to work through. She tried to give you time."
"You've been blessed, Scott. Blessed with a wonderful first love. You have the chance at happiness again. Don't let your insecurities get in your way."
"I don't know how to deal with this. Anything."
Xavier's hand covered Scott's forehead. "I'm always here to talk, Scott. But, for now, just relax. Close your eyes. I'll see if I can't start to repair some of the damage left in your head."
"Thanks, Professor. For everything."
Fandom: X-Men Movie-verse (X2 specific)
Pairing: Logan/Scott
Rating: R
Summary: Jean explained to Logan what girls do with the good guy. What will Logan do with him now that she's gone?
Notes: Into every fic, a lotta angst mus fall.
"Professor?" Scott said, softly, sticking his head into the Professor's office.
Xavier was sitting next to the window, gazing out. His eyes were far away, like he wasn't seeing what was in front of him. He could be anyplace, Scott knew. In any mind, any number of minds, monitoring, checking in, talking.
Or maybe he was just thinking. About Jean. About Magneto. About everything they'd lost when Stryker's army had stormed into the school, stripping their kids of just one more patch of innocence.
Scott didn't want to go back to teaching. Didn't want to face them, see that fear in their eyes. The loss of trust. They'd promised to keep the kids safe, to protect them.
They'd failed.
"Professor," he said again.
Xavier turned. Blinked his eyes back from oblivion and smiled. "Scott. Come in, please." He rolled away from the window and nodded at the couch. "How are you?"
"Okay." He shrugged. "I guess. I have a headache."
Concern darkened Xavier's face. "How long?"
"A few days. Maybe a week. It's been getting worse." He sat, rubbing his temple. "I tried ignoring it. And I went for a jog yesterday, just to see, but... it won't go away."
"I take it this is not a typical headache brought on by your glasses."
He shook his head. "Something's different."
"Lie down."
Scott stretched on the couch, folding his hands over his abdomen. This position was comfortable, familiar. Ever since he'd first come to the mansion, he'd been plagued by headaches. The ruby quartz was a godsend for controlling the blasts, but they could only absorb so much energy. His eyes were constantly barraged with minimal amounts of the energy, straining them. Not only that, but human eyes were designed to see in colors. His had adjusted to the continuous reds, pinks, and scarlets, but, sometimes, it just got to be too much. They burned and strained until the pain spread through his head, crippling him.
Telepathy was an incredible balm for headaches. First the professor, and later Jean, had helped Scott get control of the worst of them by entering his mind, finding the stresses, soothing frayed nerve endings around his eyes, his blood vessels, neck, shoulders, wherever. Calming him, making things better.
It worked better than any massage he'd ever gotten.
"Close your eyes," the professor said, even though, technically, Scott didn't need to.
Still, he did as he was told and closed his eyes. A moment later, he felt the gently inquiring touch of Xavier's mind against his own. It was soft, a caresses. Searching for the source of the pain.
"Ah," he said after a moment's search. "I was afraid this might happen."
"What?" He opened his eyes.
Xavier looked somber. "As you know, you and Jean shared a telepathic link with one another. The mind is a very sensitive thing. When she died, she did her best to close the link. Unfortunately, she was unable to break it completely."
"Which means what?"
"There's a hole, so to speak, in your mind. You're bleeding out it. Hemorrhaging while your mind searches for hers."
"But I'm not telepathic."
"But after years of both her and I training it to receive and communicate as such, it has learned tricks. Ways to adapt to its needs."
"You're saying I need a telepathic link?" he asked, not sure if he liked that idea.
"No," the professor reassured him, shaking his head. "You're simply used to having Jean in your mind. Just as you are used to having her in your life. Now that she's gone, you're learning to cope without her, but you do need help. And you'll need help with this, as well."
Scott frowned and rubbed his forehead. "Am I going to be in pain for long? Or is this something you can, you know. Patch right up."
"No, I can't patch it right up. It will take awhile for it to heal. However, with any luck, you won't be in pain for long once we start repairing what was done." The professor hesitated, and cocked his head. "You might wish to think of this as any sort of healing. You will have your good days and bad for awhile, but, the whole time, you'll have support."
He sighed. "Like Logan," Scott said, knowing that the professor was trying to bring the subject up, yet dancing around it. Badly.
At least Xavier had the decency to look embarrassed. "If you'd rather not discuss it..."
"No, it's okay. My head doesn't hurt as much as it did." He squeezed his nose then dropped his hand to look at the professor. "What do you want to know?"
"How do you feel about the developments in your relationship with Logan?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I honestly don't know what I feel. I mean, it's all just happening so..."
"Quickly?"
"No. Smoothly." Scott looked up at Xavier, meting his eyes, even though Xavier couldn't see his. "Everything with Jean, back in the beginning, was such a struggle. She was so much older than I was, more accomplished. I was barely in my senior year and she was entering medical school. I didn't know how to talk to her, and when I was finally old enough, when she finally started to see me.... Maybe she was right."
"How do you mean?"
Okay, maybe he didn't want to talk about this. All he wanted was to go back to bed and hide under the covers until Logan came and pulled him out again. "She made it hard. Said that we weren't right together. Maybe it was because she knew. About me."
"What about you?"
His cheeks burned. "That I'm... gay."
"Are you gay?"
"I don't... I don't know. I'm attracted to Logan. I want to. You know." He blushed harder.
Xavier leaned forward. "Do your feelings towards Logan negate those you had for Jean? Does what happens now take away everything that came before?"
"I don't know." His voice cracked and eyes burned, and not with power. "I don't know anything." He fisted his hair and tugged. "I'm so confused."
"It's a confusing time. I understand that."
Scott felt the light touch of Xavier's mind once again.
"Is Logan asking you to do anything you're not ready to do?"
He laughed at the idea. There was no reason even to voice the answer; Xavier could see it in his mind. "He's being unbelievably patient," Scott said. "More so than maybe I deserve."
"And you feel like that, why? If Logan cares...."
"Logan deserves more than dealing with an emotionally fucked-up wreck in order to get sex," Scott spat out.
Xavier didn't answer right away. Instead, he put his hand on Scott's knee and said, "Do you have a problem with the fact you are attracted to a man?"
"I don't know."
"Is it that you're attracted to a man, or homosexuality in general?"
"I don't know."
"Does it bother you that Logan has been with men before?"
"I don't know."
Xavier sighed. "Would it bother you to know that I have homosexual inclinations myself?"
Scot's head snapped up. His heart skipped a few beats. "You?"
"Have you met Erik Lensher?" he asked, gentle smile on his face.
"Magneto?" Impossible. The man was the enemy. His ideas were... were radical. Dangerous. Yes, he knew that he and the professor were friends, but.... but lovers? The professor?
Suddenly, his and Xavier's entire relationship shifted and changed. God. Scott had been a kid when he came here. Struggling to survive. He'd done things on the street and he'd... he'd trusted the professor. Trusted him to keep him save, to keep him away from the people like the men on the street. But he was like them.
What he?
"Scott," Xavier said. He squeezed Scott's knee again, and then released it, rolling away. "I'm sorry that you find this news upsetting. If I'd known it was such an issue..."
"It shouldn't be, huh?" Scott tried to laugh, but he felt ill. Dizzy. Like the world was spinning out of control, just like it had the moment he'd realized that Jean was gone. "I mean, God. I'm falling in love with another man, and freaking out because suddenly, all I can think is, on those nights when I couldn't sleep, when you sat with me, were you undressing me with your eyes?"
"Scott." Xavier's voice was sharp. Cutting. "Just because someone falls in love with a man does not mean they would take advantage of a traumatized child. Of *any* child. How dare you? You're like a son to me, I would never...."
"I know." He had to take his glasses off, wipe the tears that were flowing from his eyes. Again. "I know, I'm sorry. I just... I never.... When I was a kid. On the streets. A few guys. More than a few, they gave me money. Food. Clothes. If I'd let them touch me. Touch them. And I was so hungry and frustrated and.... blind and lost that I let them. Got into their cars and let them take off my pants and touch me. And they taught me how to touch them."
"Were you raped?" Xavier asked in that calm, collected voice of his.
Scott shook his head. "I never even sucked anyone off. They did me." His hands were shaking uncontrollably. "It didn't even... register. Like, it wasn't even pleasure or anything. I just... let them. And I thought that, if I could make Jean love me, then that would erase anything that happened before."
Xavier caught both Scott's hands in his own and squeezed. "Scott, listen to me. Listen." He waited until Scott looked at him, even though he was trembling. "You can not doubt what you shared with Jean. You loved her. I know that. Jean knew that. Logan knows that. Whatever happened before you met Jean, whatever happens after, does not change the fact that, while you were with her, you shared something beautiful and deeply special." He squeezed Scott's hands again. "What happened to you on the streets had nothing to do with sexuality. You were right in your beliefs. It was just money. It was survival. And don't think your feelings for Jean were merely prompted by a desire to erase what happened. Just... remember how you felt the first moment you met her, before you even saw her. And, again, after you got your glasses and did see her the first time."
He remembered. She'd been the most beautiful person Scott had ever seen. So full of life. Radiant and perfect and just... wonderful. It'd been so easy to fall in love with her. And so challenging to get her to reciprocate.
Which was why this thing with Logan was scaring him so much. It was so easy. Logan just... sought him out. Took care of him. Put up with his insecurities, and why?
/ Maybe he thinks your worth the wait / Xavier suggested in Scott's mind.
Scott sighed, a wave of sleepiness washing over him. "Maybe."
"Jean did." Xavier put his hand on the back of Scott's head and guided him back to lay on the couch. "When you first started to pursue her, you were too young. Too raw. Even if you never told her what happened to you on the streets, she knew there was pain there. Things you need to work through. She tried to give you time."
"You've been blessed, Scott. Blessed with a wonderful first love. You have the chance at happiness again. Don't let your insecurities get in your way."
"I don't know how to deal with this. Anything."
Xavier's hand covered Scott's forehead. "I'm always here to talk, Scott. But, for now, just relax. Close your eyes. I'll see if I can't start to repair some of the damage left in your head."
"Thanks, Professor. For everything."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-06-14 10:37 am (UTC)What he?
and
/ Maybe he thinks your worth the wait / ...
I have more to say than just corrections (I swear it!), but I'll hafta come back later and give them 'cause I'm running low on time. But to make it short and sweet -- really awesome chapter (even without Logan making an actual appearance).
no subject
Date: 2006-06-16 09:13 pm (UTC)This was such a beautiful chapter. I loved the relationship Xavier and Scott share and Scott's revelation about Xavier, then all the feelings that bubbled up because of it... God, he seems so broken and doesn't know how to deal with these things. He's so confused about why Logan's being so patient and so...so self-depreciating...I don't know whether to punch him and tell him to shape up and just take the situation for itself without thinking so much, or to hug him and squeeze him so much to console him 'cause he's lost, trying to sort out his feelings and figure everthing out.
Ahh, such a conflict of emotions he brings up in me. I love Scott so much and I hope Logan can piece him back together. That guy really needs some happiness now.
The lack of Logan was a bit sad, but Scott and Xavier totally made up for it. Like I said before, really awesome chapter. I love how you can create the characters with such a voice that seems so them. I think I am getting totally immersed into this fic a bit too much...
no subject
Date: 2006-06-15 12:27 am (UTC)This was none of those. So very wonderful. Soft, will played and so very in character. I love that Scott doesn't have any answers. I love his history from the streets (since it's always been my personal cannon for Scott). I love the professor's confession, cause come on, after X3 it is canon.
All around this scene was so well paced that I to didn't mind the lack of Logan, it worked. Thank you, may I please have some more? ;)