And again

[serafina20]

Wow. You're really pretty. Your dress makes you look fat. Look, right there, a bulge or something. And I'm pretty sure you meant to put on matching socks. I'm just telling you because .... well, just because I can. But, really, you're pretty.

etc: No one insulted my appearance (god; I think lost weight again. Anyone who says I'm fat needs to be checked into ta mental clinic). Someone sent me feedback pointing out the mistakes just because they could. And actually said, "just because I can." I was going for a metaphor I've used before, but I'm feeling like I've failed.

Comments

[ellenore.livejournal.com]

Ugh. Your mom, right?

She sounds like mine. :) "YOu'd be so pretty if you put some EFFORT into how you dress yourself."

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Nope. My interpretation of feedback I got today.

[ellenore.livejournal.com]

Oh, OK......carry on. Projecting my issues. :)

From whom?

[ellenore.livejournal.com]

FIC feedback!

Nevermind.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

*sighs* Yeah, fic feedback. Sorry. I'm just not being very clear today.

[swanswan.livejournal.com]

Hee - that's actually a relief to hear. My first thought when I read your post was she's wearing SOCKS with a DRESS?

<-- is shallow

Sorry about sucky passive-agressive fb. Did you learn anything interesting from it, even?

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Hee - that's actually a relief to hear. My first thought when I read your post was she's wearing SOCKS with a DRESS?

LOL! That's great. I love it. :)

Someone new sent me feedback, I can't be bothered to remember her name. She started by saying how great it was, but the grammar/typo issues sometimes threw her out/confused her. Okay, so far; I don't like hearing it, but it's a valid complaint. Then, she said something to the effect of, "For example, in part 41, you used the word 'gambit' and I think you meant 'gamut.'" but she didn't know where and didn't write any of the errors down. Still semi-okay; it's not her job to write down the errors for me to correct, but it's a little annoying. And *then* she said something to the effect that the only reason she's telling me is because she can.

That's what annoys me. The fact she readily admits she's not trying to help or be constructive, but merely wants to point out the flaws because they're too much to let her pass them up. *rolls eyes* I hate that attitude. Either you can help, or you pointing out the dress I made makes me look fat.

[wallie18.livejournal.com]

Wow, see I knew I wanted to friend you after I discovered your amazing fic (not to mention your awesome Lana essay) but now that I know our Moms share a really demeaning, overbearing personality? This is my new favorite journal! I hope it's not a problem I've added you, I'm trying to sorta revamp my own LJ and I was hoping to get as many terrific writers in there as possible. Partly for feedback and partly because I *love* brilliant, witty authors.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Okay, is it sad that I'm all defensive now? :) My mom didn't make that comment. She would *never* make a comment like that. For her, being dressed up is wearing kaki shorts instead of denim. The fat-dress thing is my way interpreting feedback for fic that points out the flaws without giving me a constructive way to deal with them (which fic the flaws are in, what part, a beta offer) but, rather, points them out beause it's physically and mentally possible for the feedbacker to do so.

It is absolutely no problem that you added me (and I hope you don't take me off now that you've found out my mom isn't demaning or overbearing.:) And thank you for saying I'm brilliant and witty; it makes this day *so* much better. Really.

[wallie18.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, it's totally appropriate for you to be defensive, I'm the LJ idiot. The only bigger idiot is whoever made that comment. Critisism like that which is so purely negative and unconstructive not to mention utterly futile, it's much more a reflection of their intellectual flaws and lack of substance then anything else. Still it can be very hurtful and discouraging, it's so wrong for a writer of your caliber to suffer the ignorance of fools.

Again so sorry about the Mom comment, my Mommie Dearest roots are showing. Your Mom actually sounds very cool (denim shorts rock) and like I said I'm delighted to have you on my Flist!

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Again so sorry about the Mom comment,

Really, don't worry about it. I can totally see where you'd get that from the post, and you have no way of knowing anything about my mom. So it's all good.

Critisism like that which is so purely negative and unconstructive not to mention utterly futile, it's much more a reflection of their intellectual flaws and lack of substance then anything else.

I usually feel bad when people say that there are grammar/typo flaws in the fic that threw them out, because that's a valid critcism. It bothers me when it's vague and kills me to hear because I do try very hard to catch all the typos, etc., but I guess I get why it's said. The fact that this commenter had to tack on the, "I'm pointing it out ... because I can," thing just irks me. It's right underneath the, "smack your inner bitch," criticism I got; just useless.

[mlleelizabeth.livejournal.com]

::stomps foot: I want to know what grammar problems/typos she found, dammit!

I have a co-worker who does this, too, only with physical appearance. She'll criticize you for things you can't fix. And ugh! My mom used to do that, too.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

I want to know what grammar problems/typos she found, dammit!

A possible misused word (gambit for gamut, which I think someone pointed out to me in the beta process, but I guess I didn't catch) in part 41. And others.

I have a co-worker who does this, too, only with physical appearance.

I had a friend who did this. one night, she spent the night over here. She spent the entire time criticizing *everything*: my seat was too close to the steering wheel while I drove, my hair wasn't right, our towels smelled like mildew. That was the last time I hung out wtih her (she wasn't a good frined as it was). It's insanely annoying.

[mlleelizabeth.livejournal.com]

A possible misused word (gambit for gamut, which I think someone pointed out to me in the beta process, but I guess I didn't catch) in part 41. And others.

But there are probably some that I didn't catch, and I want to know what they are so I might possibly improve my beta skills. Also, I suspect that there are some she's not sure about herself, but she doesn't want to defend her questioning or receive an explanation, and that may play a part in her not telling you what they are.

I had a friend who did this. one night, she spent the night over here. She spent the entire time criticizing *everything*: my seat was too close to the steering wheel while I drove, my hair wasn't right, our towels smelled like mildew. That was the last time I hung out wtih her (she wasn't a good frined as it was). It's insanely annoying.

You're lucky you could distance yourself from her. That kind of thing will wear you down. I avoided mom to the extent I could, because the constant complaining was just obnoxious and yes, insanely annoying. I really feel for service personnel (waiters, hotel employees, etc.) who run up against people like that.

[laceymcbain.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Feedback problems, miscommunication in comments problems. Next thing we know you WILL be wearing socks with a dress, and you know? Some days that's just fine. *G*

Just keep on doing what you're doing and (hard as it is) try to ignore the people that aren't really trying to help. ~Lacey

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this just isn't my day for communication, is it? Or fashion. :)

Thanks for the hugs!

[kryptonsite.livejournal.com]

Something made you look fat? Uh, riiiight.

You look great. You have NOTHING to worry about!