Chew Toys

[serafina20]

As much as I wanted to be in a relationship or something earlier this year, I really don't want one now. I'm not even anxious to have sex. My main desire is to get a job, and now I'm wondering if there's some sort of flaw in my make-up where I can only passionately want one thing at a time.

I also wonder at my fickelness. I've been dying for the ABC job for almost three months, and now I'm all, "Paramount!!!" Not that I'll turn down ABC if they call, but I honestly have no idea what I'll do if more than one district offers me a job. I know I'll turn down GG (my home district) in favor for any of the other's I've applied to, but the pecking order grow hazy after that. I guess location, opportunities for advancement (i.e., is the district going to encourage me to get my National Board Certification, or discorage me; how enthusasitc are they about me getting my masters; how good is their teacher support/professional growth opportunities; how good is their technology; if I teach 5th grade, will they let me do "We The People"; GG doesn't encourage Nat. Board and has refused to let my old master teacher do We the People becuase a. it costs too much money (it's free) and b. since it's not standard across the disctrict, she can't do it, which is bulshit).

I want a job. I want my own place. I need a roommate (I want my best friend to move in with me because our libraries combined would be the best thing ever. And her DVD and movie collection rocks. Plus, we've been friends for almost 10 years and she puts up with me no matter what I do). I want to start paying off my loans and my credit cards, I want to have a place to go every day and minds to mould. I don't want to have to worry about am I calling someone enough, or going out with them. What are my signals like, and am I really being fair, or am I being unreasonable about what I want?

I want to work on fanfic and my novel at the same time. I want to fansquee over Smallville and Harry Potter as much as I want. Yes, I want to hang out with people and go out, but I'd like not to feel silenced by them.

In other news, I was watching Ally McBeal this morning (I never watched it when it was on, but if i happen to catch it on Saturday mornings, it always seems to be an ep I'm interested in) and James Marsden was on it. He's really cute but, honestly? I like him better when I can't see his eyes. Because I'm weird.

Comments

[pepperjackcandy.livejournal.com]

I'm sure I don't need to quote chapter-and-verse of Maslow to you, being a teacher and all.

I mean, his research put physical and safety needs (i.e. having a job) before social needs (i.e. having a relationship), so don't stress out about it.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Actually, I don't remember learnign Maslow for some reason. I either blocked it out or wasn't taught him. *shrugs* Looked him up, though, and found it all really interesting.

And I'm not really stressed about not wanting a relationship. It just sort of occured to me that I suddenly had zero interest, and I found that ... different. :)

[witchway.livejournal.com]

I often fell like "my brain is full," especially when so much of your future is up in the air, and you have so many plans to pursue. So yeah "focusing" on one thing is something I can relate to.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

So yeah "focusing" on one thing is something I can relate to.

Although, if I want to be honest, I'm also "focusing" on Smallville, fanfic, and books, so it's not like I'm tunnel-visioned. And I think that's sort of what got to me yesterday, this feeling that I was cutting myself off from the world. Which I'm not. Thank goodness. :)

[tradesland.livejournal.com]

I am also a teacher, you have no idea how much I sympathize with your situation... wait, actually you have :)

Big hugs for you and I wish you the best luck in the world.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Thank you!!!!