Ranty McRant Rant

[serafina20]

Okay, I'm going to take a stand on this because it's come up again, this time voice by people I either know and respect or by people who are friends of people I know and respect.

This idea that you have to have had sex to be able to write a good sex scene is complete and utter bullshit. Sexual experiences does not equal a good sex scene (and I don't think any would argue that it does) so lack of sexual experience does not automatically equal a bad sex scene.

In both cases, the quality of the scene is going to depend on the same things: attention to detail, research, and imagination.

"Write what you know" is one of the stupidest phrases ever to be misused. One should never, ever, simply write what you have actual experience in, but, rather, what you have a feel for. I happen to have a feel for sex scenes. I put a lot into them: time, research, energy, and attention to detail. *That's* what it takes to be a good writer. Not experience.

(That being said, I'm not rejecting the idea that a smut writer shouldn't do some playing/exploring on one's own. However, that's more for recreation rather than any real need).

On COTW:

It's not that I said in the fic that the Kent's anniversary was before the Christmas break, it was that I set the episode Jitters before it. Clark gets off being grounded (he was grounded for 2 weeks in the COTW-verse) a few days after Christmas. But I might still just fudge it and look the other way. Thanks for all the advice.

Comments

[jillybinks.livejournal.com]

Gotta agree with you there! I have always found your sex scenes to be convincing and real and I think that it is far more important for you to have good characterization and plot, than make sure tab A is accurately stuck into slot B. But then, maybe with my lack of experience, I am not fully able to judge a sex scene! (sarcastic voice!)

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

I have always found your sex scenes to be convincing and real and I think that it is far more important for you to have good characterization and plot, than make sure tab A is accurately stuck into slot B.

But Tab A is stuck accurately into slot B. Because i did the research. I read other fics. I had my beta readers go over it and give me the go ahead. I did my work as a writer. That's what bugs me the most. If someone comes into fandom and knows nothing about sex (either gay or het) and attempts to write a sex scene, then I get the frustration. But someone who's been having sex for years is also just as likely to mess up the "big stuff" (lubless sex; ass-as-vagina; first time screw ups; one finger,two finger, three finger, dick) as someone who doesn't have any experience. As long as they do their research, then it should be fine.

And, yeah, I concentrate on characterization and emotion more than just sex, but I often find porny porn, well, not as hot as character-driven stuff. *shrugs*

Thanks for the support! :)

[witchway.livejournal.com]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say:

Yes, you can write good sex scenes with limited experience. However, 10 years from now, you will probably be writing them better. Better than what? Better than you had written them 10 years before. And honestly, only you might actually see the difference.

So, should you stop writing them now and wait for 10 years? Take up knitting, maybe? Hell no. Go to town. Slash away, and more power to you.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Yes, you can write good sex scenes with limited experience. However, 10 years from now, you will probably be writing them better. Better than what? Better than you had written them 10 years before. And honestly, only you might actually see the difference.

But this isn't the point. Because this is obvious. No matter *what* my sexual experience is in 10 years, in 10 years, if i continue to write, I will be a better writer. That's the way writing works. The more you write, the more you explore, the more you improve, the better you get. And, if you're a talented writer, actual exeprience isn't going to make all that much of a difference. If I compare my sex scenes to someone who has had sex sex, I don't see that much of a difference. If I compare my writing (sex or non) to someone who has been writing longer than I have, of *course* there is a difference.

Experience is only *part* of the writing process. The rest is imagination. My sex scenes have improved over the past 4 years since I started writing them. Have I gained more expereince in sex? No. Have I made out with anyone. No. I have absolutely NO sexual experience whatsover, but I'm willing to be that people who don't know this about me couldn't tell if they read my later stuff. That's because I've gotten better at writing, not gained life experience.

I'm just frustrated at the pervasive idea in fandom that virgins shouldn't write sex because it's crap. Not having had sex isn't what makes their fic bad. Lack of experience isn't it, it's lack of *writing* experience.

[sage]

You're in a fabulously rare situation, hon. You've done the research before you've gained most of the experience. That will let you take so much control over your sex life when you decide you're ready to start exploring it in depth with someone you trust.

It's a very different situation to do the research after the fact and go, "oh, I know that, I've done that, I've ... hrm, guess I was doing that wrong. Holy shit, what do you mean that's actually dangerous??!"

I wonder how I would have turned out if I'd felt like I'd had the right to explore sex at my own pace. I wonder if I would have really understood the lesson of "Just because you *can* doesn't mean you *should.*"

Anyway, like I've told you before, the sex you write is wonderfully hot. But what makes it really stunning (to me) is its emotional content. I'm *always* emotionally invested in the characters' mental states and what their motivations are for intimacy. Even with purely visceral rutting, you give us an exploration of the inner need within.

*loves*

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

you're ready to start exploring it in depth with someone you trust.

Why do I have a feeling that'll never happen. *wistful smile*

Anyway, like I've told you before, the sex you write is wonderfully hot. But what makes it really stunning (to me) is its emotional content.

Thank you! I do tend to concentrate more on emotion and stuff just because it's not as ... real to me without it. Sex is physical, yes, but if you're not in the moment, it doesn't mean anything. And I want the characters to be in the moment. Sometimes, I used dialogue--inner or outter--because I'm fumbling with the sex (especially in femslash), but I also do it because that is what makes it more interesting. :)

[nataliadarimini.livejournal.com]

When people say things like that, I find that it is often helpful to counter with "Oh, yes, I agree. And, of course, one can't possibly write anal sex unless one has done that, as well." This is fun because it follows the same logic and yet slaps the person in the face with a trout, because, more likely than not, they haven't. ^_^

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Unfortunatly, it doesn't work in this case. They were advocating not only having anal sex if possible, but, if not, then grabbing some toys and going to town for some experience. And then just bashing early fandom for being such stupid prudes who'd dared to try and write without having sex before. But that is a good idea. :)

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

But, lots of people *have* had anal sex.

[nataliadarimini.livejournal.com]

Yes, a lot of people have, but I stand by my assertion that most have not.

[vampsarecool.livejournal.com]

um your sex scenes rock. I Know it's hard to write because I attempted it once in college for a class. The scene/ story I chose to write was one about rape and that was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Writing is hard and for anyone to do it I applaud them. So *huggs* to you.

Hope

[nasrani.livejournal.com]

But of course actually having said sex would quite account for research, right?

I've sort of always wondered about research for smut because I'm sort of the type who would want to sneak into a bedroom and scribble insights down on my notebook just to get details down pat. But yeah. TMI.

Oh, and I totally agree with you, by the way. I have this weird feeling that sex is no way in hell going to be as interesting as what I read in your fic.

Again. TMI. I will shut up now.