Reporter!Lex Update
Jan. 20th, 2004 06:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafina20This would have been put up this morning, but at 9:30 I got called for a job. I was very happy, because it was in the district that pays the most. And I got a job tomorrow (in the low paying district); it's a kidnergarten, but I'm sure I'll survive.
I think the end of this part still needs a little work, but I'll do that on the next go round. I want to get it done, you know?
Previous Parts:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
I think the end of this part still needs a little work, but I'll do that on the next go round. I want to get it done, you know?
Previous Parts:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
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This would have been put up this morning, but at 9:30 I got called for a job. I was very happy, because it was in the district that pays the most. And I got a job tomorrow (in the low paying district); it's a kidnergarten, but I'm sure I'll survive.
I think the end of this part still needs a little work, but I'll do that on the next go round. I want to get it done, you know?
Previous Parts:
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/107106.html">Part 1</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/107332.html">Part 2</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/107627.html">Part 3</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/107992.html">Part 4</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/108184.html">part 5</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/109559.html">Part 6</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/110446.html">Part 7</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/111215.html#cutid1">Part 8</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/112877.html">Part 9</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/113982.html">Part 10</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/114655.html#cutid1>Part 11</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/115872.html#cutid1">Part 12</a>
<a href=http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/116645.html#cutid1">Part 13</a>
<lj-cut text="Part 14">
Evening fell after Clark flew away. It closed around Lex, black as tar and twice as thick. Dully, he entered his house and surrendered to the night. For about an hour, he was physically unable to do anything by sit on the floor, gazing sightlessly at his couch. Or, in the direction of the couch. He really didn't know, he barely even *was* at that moment.
Lex had done depression before. Many, many times. As a child, he'd been given to mood swings, as his fa .... Lionel called them. Periods of being difficult and willfully disobedient. It hadn't been well into his adult years when Lex still had months on end where he cared about nothing and had difficulty functioning, that he'd realized it hadn't been disobedience or willfulness, but depression.
That was just "normal" depression. Periodic swings in his mood that could be anywhere from mildly disrupting to his life to nearly debilitating. It was brought on not by any one event, but a culmination of everything combined with something inside him that was prone to darkness. It didn't even touch on the dark clouds that had surrounded him at various points in his life due to tragic events beyond his control. His mother's death, Julian's death, the failure of LuthorCorp, Lionel's murder. Every event had led to some of the darkest periods of Lex's life.
When his mother had died he'd hid himself in his closet for hours until his nanny had pulled him out. Even then, he'd remained silent and withdrawn until Lionel had packed him up and sent him away to school.
Where he'd promptly lost touch with reality and been sent to a mental institution. He'd been there for three months, gone through intensive therapy that involved a lot of drugs and extreme loneliness. Lionel had only visited a few times. Morgan, however, had come every day. Lex couldn't exactly remember what they'd done together, but he did have vague memories or sitting with Morgan in the garden, or on a couch, watching television. There were a few images of Morgan holding Lex while he read, and another where Lex was painting with Morgan at his side. But other than that, there was nothing.
After he'd gotten out, Lex had been better. Relatively so. He would still get into moods, and his grades always reflected his mental state, rollercoastering throughout the year, but he'd survived and functioned. As he got older, he even made a good show of enjoying life.
His second bout with dangerously serious depression had been after Lionel had died. He'd already been teetering on the edge with LuthorCorp going under, but had found a new purpose with journalism. When Lionel had died, his life had spiraled completely out of control, and nothing Lex had done could stop it. He'd *known* Lionel had been murdered, but couldn't prove it. Worse, no one seemed to believe him. Even Morgan had gently changed the subject the one time Lex had applied to him for help. It'd gotten to be too much. Lex had felt so useless, so utterly stupid then, and had finally given up. He'd locked himself in his apartment and stared at the walls until even that got to be too much. That's when he'd broken out the Vicoden and vodka and thrown himself a party.
In the years that followed, whenever Lex slipped into the black void, Perry would come and drag him out. But it would take so long. Lex never complained, always put on a stoic face at work, and it wasn't until leaving his apartment got to be too much that Perry would realize what was going on.
But Lex knew. He always knew. He just didn't know how to ask for help.
And now .... He'd thought it'd been bad before. Losing his mother. Killing Julian. Luthor Corp and Lionel's murder. But this was a thousand times worse, and Lex just didn't know how to deal with it.
He felt himself cracking, felt insanity creeping in on him, and Lex was terrified.
Eventually, the paralysis faded away. Lex came to himself, sitting on the floor, looking at nothing, and knew what was going on. He knew he should call Perry, or Clark, or one of those crisis hotline number things Perry had slipped to him over the years, but he doubted his ability to dial a phone.
He pushed himself to his feet and went to the kitchen. The bottle of Scotch was nearly full; he took that, a glass, and a new pack of cigarettes to the couch. Kicking off his shoes, he laid back and got started.
The Scotch disappeared in about an hour or so. The cigarettes took longer, but he made his way through them without moving much from his position. Luckily, there was more alcohol than just Scotch, and by the time he was out of both, it was nearly midnight.
He lived above a liquor store, so drunk, Lex ran out to buy more. The fucking guy behind the counter refused to sell him any more liquor-"Dude, Lex, you so drunk, I don't know why you ain't in the hospital,"--but he did get another carton of cigarettes.
Stocked with one essential, Lex retreated back to his house and attempted to wrap his mind around what he'd learned.
Item 1: Morgan Edge was his biological father because Lionel Luthor, whom Lex had thought was his father, was sterile.
Item 2: Lex had once walked in on Morgan and Mom having sex which, apparently, brought about Julian. Lex had then told Lois about it, then promptly (or not so promptly) forgot it ever happened.
Item 3: After Lex had fucked over Luthor Corp, Lionel, the man who's raised him but was *not* his real father, decided to dispose of Lex and replace him with a clone.
Item 4: Really, there was no item four. The idea that Lionel had wanted to kill him was enough to make Lex give up the ghost and return to bed with the covers over his head.
Living was overrated. Existing was fine. Besides, there wasn't much to live for anyway. His job was a joke, life was a joke. Lex had enough money; he could quit and just stay here for the rest of his life. Safe.
Besides. If he went back to work, he couldn't sleep, and he was really tired.
He made another run to a different liquor store, picked up some beer, another bottle of Scotch, and a bottle of rum, and vodka, and went home to climb into bed.
When Clark asked later, Lex told him that he really thought he'd slept for a week. Time had no meaning for him, and he was so drunk by the time he finally passed out, he couldn't have even said why he was doing this. He just crawled into bed after draining two cans of beer, let his last cigarette burn itself out, and crawled into bed, feeling dirty and grimy and disgusting, but not carrying.
He thought a week. It turns out, Clark had only left him alone for a day. If he'd known what Lex was doing, he probably would have come back sooner, and a huge part of Lex wished he had, but Clark waited exactly twenty-four hours before returning. And then, he moved in.
And move in he did. Had Lex been any less drunk, he probably would have noticed what had gone on while he'd been unconscious, but he was drunk and depressed and had no clue.
Clark, as Lex was learning, did nothing half-way. When he'd decided to become a superhero, he'd done so with a vengeance. When he'd fallen for Lex, he left nothing for himself. And when he moved in, he inserted himself into Lex's very bed so, when Lex finally woke up, he found himself wrapped in Clark's arms, held safe after going to bed alone.
The funny thing was, what alerted Lex to Clark's presence wasn't the fact they wee in bed together. It was the fact that fresh air was blowing over Lex's face and coffee was in the air. The arms around him, the leg draped over his hip, the face pressed into his neck, and the hair that tickled his scalp didn't mean a thing.
He opened his eyes.
His apartment was spotless.
That wasn't how he'd left it. One thing that had always amazed him was how messy his home could get in a short time. Every single time he'd fallen into a wave of depression, the first thing to go was his apartment. Dishes were left everywhere, usually with food still on them since he didn't tend to eat, and overflowing ashtrays. His clothes and shoes were left wherever he happened to take them off. Couch cushions fell to the floor, and the empty cans of soda or beer or whatever were left lying around. Lex Luthor was normally fastidious, but when he was depressed, the just didn't matter.
Now, his room was immaculate. Everything. The dresser was dust free, his clothes were neatly folded on a chair. The smell of fabric softener permeated the air, mingling Lemon Pledge and Windex. The floor had been swept and mopped, and the throw rug looked as if it'd been beaten within every inch of it's life. There was a potted plant on his nightstand, waving in the gentle breeze.
His ashtray was gone. The sheets had been changed, and Lex was wearing pajamas instead of the jeans and shirt he'd gone to bed in.
"Clark?" he said.
"Mmmm?"
"What happened?"
Clark kissed his neck and said, "Can you be more specific?"
It hit Lex then that Clark didn't actually live with him, and when they'd last spoken, Lex had requested he be left alone.
He rolled over. "What are you doing here?"
Guileless, sleepy blue-green eyes gazed back at him. "Sleeping."
"Don't get cute."
"*Get* cute. I thought you said I *was* cute." When Lex continued to glare at him, Clark sighed. "Lex, I did as you asked and left you alone. You didn't specify how long. I was worried, so I came back, just to check on you. When I saw how much you'd fallen apart, I decide that alone time was over."
"That's not for you to decide."
"It's not for you to decide either," Clark snapped. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Sorry. It's just, I'm not entirely unaware of your past. I've been talking to Perry, and he told me how you get when you're depressed, and it's not okay."
Lex started pulling away. "Excuse me ..."
Clark's arms tightened. "Lex, don't go. I'm not saying it's not okay for you to get depressed. It happens. It's not your fault, and I didn't mean for it to sound like I was blaming you. When the AI scanned you, it said there are some definite chemical imbalances going on in your brain. So, on top of everything you just found out, you have a chemical problem. It's not going to be easy, Lex, but I'm not going to let you close yourself off. You aren't going through this alone."
"But .... But ...." He really didn't have any but. Just like he really didn't have any breath to talk, because everything in him was a gigantic struggle against himself. Again, it felt as if the world were shattering to pieces, falling part, and he couldn't breathe and couldn't think and was going to drown and he couldn't .... couldn't ....
"Shhhh," Clark soothed, pulling Lex to him. "Let it out, Lex. Just let it out." He rubbed Lex's back hard, warmth permeating through Lex's skin, reaching the muscles pulled too taut. Lips pressed into Lex's temple and forehead, whispered words raining down his face.
Something inside Lex broke and he gasped. "Why?" he whispered, tears sitting on his lower lashes.
"I don't know. I don't know why anyone would want a child so much he would go to such lengths to have one, and then treat the child so badly. I don't know why Lionel abused you so much."
Lex sat up and pulled away. "Give me a break." He wiped his eyes. "Lionel didn't abuse me."
Clark frowned and sat up as well. "Yes he did."
"God, you're so dramatic." He laughed breathlessly. "Superman, the drama queen." He laughed again, only it didn't feel like laughter. "Dad--Lionel--Dad--he just wanted to make me strong. He didn't beat me. Punished me, yes. A paddle, but, God, almost never. And never more than ten hits, so it wasn't like .... Fuck, Clark, you're insane."
"There's more than just physical abuse, Lex, and you know it," Clark said quietly.
"He didn't ..." Lex barely made it to the bathroom before he started throwing up.
This time, Clark was with him, supporting him the whole time. He rubbed Lex's back and made soothing noises throughout. When Lex was done, Clark had a glass of water waiting and a cool rag for his forehead.
"I'm so fucked up," was the first thing Lex could think to stay.
"No. Just dealing with more than your share."
He sniffed. "You should just leave, Clark. Please."
"Why?"
He sniffed again, swiping at his nose which was dripping out of his control. "Seriously, where to you see this going? I'm barely holding it together as it is, and I know it's not going to get any better. We haven't even slept together, so I'm not sure what ... what the incentive for you to stay is. I mean, I'm obviously. Not *worth* anything, and ..."
"See, that's where you're wrong," Clark interrupted. "Lionel Luthor wasn't worth anything. He's the piece of shit trash that deserved worse than he got. He's the one who spent a lifetime trying to twist you into something he thought you should be, and then reject you because you're too good and too strong to be broken by him. Lex." He sighed and took Lex's hands. "Your father spent probably every moment of your life abusing you. Okay, maybe he thought he was doing it out of love. Maybe he believed it would make you a stronger person, but the truth is, if you hadn't already been strong, you wouldn't have survived. And yes, you get depressed, and yes, you've got self-worth issues, but you can work through that. *We* can work through that."
Lex shook his head. "You shouldn't have to. This is my problem."
"It's our problem." He sighed. "And look at it this way. For better or for worse, you know that someone valued you. Morgan may not be the father you grew up with, or even want, but when it came down to it, he chose you over Lionel." Clark squeezed Lex's hands and bent forward. After kissing him gently, he said, "And my incentive for staying is you. You're worth the world to me, Lex, and nothing is going to make me leave."
He seemed so sincere, and so steady. He gazed at Lex though loving eyes and an expression that made Lex's heart want to break.
Lex sniffed. "Forgive me if I have a hard time believing that?" Lex said almost tearfully.
"I forgive you." Clark rose and lifted Lex into his arms. "Now I think we should have some breakfast and decide what to do." He left the bathroom, heading for the rest of the apartment.
Lex sighed and rested his head on Clark's shoulder. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, are you up to working today? We need to move ahead on the chemical dumping story, and then decide what to do with the clone story." He sat on the couch, holding Lex in his lap. "Do you want to write it?"
"I don't know," Lex answered quietly. "I wouldn't know what to write."
Clark kissed his temple. "You're a brilliant writer, Lex. Once you look at the research, it'll come to you." He laced his fingers through Lex. "I'll be with you if you want. I'll go to every interview you do, sit with you while you write. But I think it's something you need to do."
Lex buried his face in Clark's neck. "I don't know if I can," he admitted quietly. "I'm not ... right right now. I feel like I'm going to break. I don't .... want to be here." He exhaled hard.
A soft sigh breezed over Lex's ear. Fingers caressed the nape of Lex's neck. "I think there are two ways to get through this, Lex. The first is where I let you sink deeper into this, do your work, tell your story. Take care of you, first and foremost, because I'm not going to go anywhere. I'll stay and get you through this until you decide to help yourself and find ways to get yourself out of this. The second is where you take today to reach some sort of equilibrium. You realize that you feel like crap and you want to die, but that's not going to do you any good. That the only way to beat this is to face it. To admit that Lionel abused you, and admit you didn't deserve it. To accept my help and tell your own story. And, Lex, the clones are your story."
"I wouldn't know where to start on it."
"You talk to Morgan. Talk to Lois. Review the research, contact the EPA. See how you feel. If we need to, we can go to a doctor and see if anti-depressants will help clear your thoughts. This is big, Lex, and hard to deal with anyway, but you don't need your body working against right now."
"I really don't want to take drugs. I've spent enough of my life in a drugged stupor."
"That's fine. I'm there with you. But, Lex, please don't give up."
Lex sighed and kissed Clark's neck. "It's so hard. Everything I thought I was ..." He trailed off and clung to Clark tighter.
Clark held Lex close. "I know. I was fifteen when my parents told me I was an alien. And when they did, it was like everything fell apart. I had no idea who I was anymore. Before, I'd just been different, but human. And then suddenly, I wasn't. It took a long time before I was able to really deal with it. I had my parents supporting me. You have me." He kissed Lex's cheek. "I know you've been questioning your worth your whole life. And all I can tell you is that from the first moment I met you, I knew your worth was beyond compare."
He pulled away. For a long moment, he didn't say anything. He just gazed into Clark's beautiful eyes and tried not to cry. Finally, he inhaled sharply and said, "I wish I had that much faith."
"Don't worry, Lex. For now, I have faith enough."
* * *
Morgan Edge reminded Lex of his father, and yes, he was fully aware of the irony in that statement. Still, the comparison held. There was a certain air that Morgan had about him that was reminiscent of Lionel. And the way he looked at you, like he could see through your skin. And just the way he moved and spoke, like he and Lionel had learned diction from the same source.
The way he held himself like he owned the world. That was it. Both Morgan and Lionel looked on the world as if they were the owners, and Lex felt cowed by that. Especially now, feeling the way he did.
Lex hesitated across the street from the café Morgan sat at. His heart was pounding wildly, and he felt completely unsure of himself.
He glanced up.
Clark was on top of the building above him, in full Superman gear. His arms were crossed over his chest, cape blowing in the dreams. He was every inch the superhero.
When Lex glanced up, he felt rather than saw Clark's eyes meet his own. Clark nodded slightly at Lex, urging him on.
It helped, a little. Resolve settled over Lex, and his nerves steadied. He took a deep breath and crossed the street.
"Hello, Lex," Morgan said when Lex approached his table. He'd been here for awhile judging from the nearly empty cup of coffee in front of him. Like Lex, he was dressed all in black, only instead of a turtleneck, he was wearing a black silk shirt and with a gray scarf. "You look well."
"Thank you." He stood uncertainly for a moment, gripping the back of the chair before finally sitting down.
Morgan smiled when he did. "Thank you for calling me."
"Fuck you."
He raised his eyebrow. "Ah. A mature response. Wonderful. I'd hoped that you'd be able to move past this anger by now."
"Past the anger. Forgive me, please. I recently found out my entire life is a lie." He swallowed hard as the waitress came to their table. "Lemonade," he ordered, since Clark had forbidden him to drink any alcohol. When she was gone, he looked at Morgan through the darkened lenses he was wearing. "You killed Dad."
"Yes."
"And then you lied about it. When I told you I thought he'd been murdered, you told me I was wrong."
"I didn't think you were ready for the truth. You were so bewildered. Convinced that he'd been murdered, unable to prove it, and on the warpath to avenge him. Because you felt guilty. I *wanted* to tell you, especially since it made me sick to know you were mourning him, but I refrained. Because I thought it was best for you."
The waitress returned with Lex's lemonade, and he wrapped his hand around it. "Tell me what happened. Everything."
Morgan waited until his coffee was refilled and the waitress left. "Well, you know most of it already. Lionel and I grew up together. We were inseparable as boys, teenagers, and even adults. We grew up in the slums, which, of course, was an insult to Lionel. We came up with thousands of schemes to get out, and, finally, Lionel came up with the insurance scam. Once we'd killed his parents, we had enough money to get a decent apartment and to pass ourselves off as middle class people. And, from there, Lionel began to climb the social ladder and I began to establish myself in Metropolis' underworld."
"Skip to an interesting part."
Morgan smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Lionel met and married Lillian within the space of four months. She's came from a wealthy family and, although they did not approve, she fell in love with Lionel. Lionel started Luthor Corp soon after, and when the company hit the Fortune 500 list, they began trying to have a child. They tried for over a year before Lionel agreed to see a doctor, and even then, at first, he only allowed Lillian to be tested."
"She was fine."
"Yes, but Lionel was not. His sperm count was almost nothing, and it was obvious he'd never father a child. After months of raging, he finally came up with a solution."
"You."
"Yes." Morgan shrugged.
Lex shook his head. "And you just agreed? Mom just agreed?"
"After a good deal of convincing, yes. But she wanted a child, so, in the end, she agreed."
"Twice."
He nodded.
Lex looked away and sipped his lemonade. Clark was still sitting on top of the building, and Lex was grateful. He'd half expected Clark to disappear to rescue someone who needed him before Lex got through this. But he was still there, watching them, and it steadied Lex's nerves.
He inhaled sharply. "You're my father."
"Yes."
"Then why ... did you let Lionel treat me the way he did my whole life?"
Morgan sighed. "He thought he was doing what was best, Lex. And I agreed, at the time. Not all the time. You never should have been blamed for Julian's death, you never should have been in the institution. Julian was sick, and Lionel couldn't deal with it. I wanted to take Julian away and raise him out of the public eye, but Lionel had him killed and convinced you that you did it."
Lex squeezed his eyes shut, glad he'd worn sunglasses. "So, I ... I didn't do it."
"No, Lex, you did not. But Lionel made it seem like you did, and by the time I realized what he'd done, you wouldn't believe me." He shrugged. "When you had your break after Lillian died, I again asked Lionel to turn you over to me. I'd planned to take you away, somewhere nice, like Hawaii or California, to recover, but he refused. The best I could do was visit you."
"I remember that."
He sat forward, looking at Lex intently. "I loved you, Lex. Still do, although I am the first to admit I have not been a father. I wasn't supposed to be, but you were so much a part of me, I found it hard to separate myself from you."
"Don't," Lex said rolling his eyes. "Just don't." He licked his lips. "I seriously doubt that either you or Lionel were any kind of good influence on my life. I think that I'm fucked up because of the two of you, and whatever happens today, we have no relationship." He sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "This meeting is out of necessity."
"What necessity?"
"The clones. For one. I have some questions. But I also needed to know about this." He glanced up at Clark again.
"You mean your lover wanted you to ask." Morgan followed his eyes to Clark. He sighed. "That costume is ridiculous. When he was mine, the boy had better fashion sense."
Lex shrugged. "It serves its purpose."
Morgan smiled. "I find it ironic, really. That he found you. My son."
"Shut the fuck up, Morgan," Lex said warningly.
"You can't tell me you don't see the irony. I'm the one who taught him everything he knows. I talk him how to properly give a blow job, how to prepare a man to be taken, how to prepare himself if needs be. I taught him ...."
Lex pulled his jacked open slightly, revealing the gun inside. "Morgan. Shut. The fuck. Up."
He shifted in his seat and raised his hands slightly. "I withdraw the remark. So. We have no relationship."
"No more than we ever had."
"Well, since I have you right now, then I suppose I should inform you that you are my benefactor. When I die, you will receive everything I have."
"I don't want it."
"Tough. Give it to charity, I don't give a fuck. But you are my *son*, Lex, and that has always meant something to me. And it will continue to mean something to me, relationship or not. Got it?"
Lex swallowed hard and rubbed his chin. "Fine." He swallowed again, then picked up his lemonade. "When did my ... Lionel start his cloning project?"
There was a long moment of silence. Lex refused to look up as Morgan studied him, instead keeping his eyes trained on the table, head up. He was regretting he'd come, regretting that he'd opened the conversation with trying to figure out how it had happened. It didn't matter in the end. The fact was, Morgan Edge was his father, and the term grew more and more meaningless every time Lex tried to apply it to his life. The whys and the hows didn't matter.
"He started in 1995 when an experiment he'd done with the meteors had an unexpected side effect: instead of eradicating the cancer he was trying to kill, it replicated it exactly. He performed the same experiment with the same results. That was the beginning of the cloning."
"Did he ever succeed?"
"Yes, but with dubious results. He cloned a little girl named Emily, the dead daughter of an employee. She was cloned, and viable, and had advancements over humans. Her abilities actually closely mirrored Kal's: she could move faster than sight, was extremely strong. But, unlike Kal, or, rather like him when I knew him, she was completely immoral." Morgan smiled. "She was also six, but still. Very frightening. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as her, and, in the end, she proved impossible for Lionel to control."
Lex's mouth went dry. "So he destroyed her."
"Yes."
"And continued his experiments."
Morgan nodded. "He kept them separate from LuthorCorp so when it failed, he was able to keep the labs. After you published your story on LuthorCorp and turned reporter rather than insert yourself advantageously in a position at Lane Enterprises, he decided that he needed a replacement. Lionel was always confident he'd take his company back, and he was furious that you didn't take Lois up on her job offer."
"I thought it was too humiliating. And I wanted to stay loyal to Dad." He winced, but continued on. "Lionel never gave any indication that he was upset at me, or that he wanted me to take the job."
"He expected you to know. And, when you didn't, that too was a failure." Morgan lifted his glass. "So, he took some DNA from you and started trying to create a better son."
Lex felt himself pale. "Did he ever succeed?"
Morgan shook his head. "They'd just had to execute the first clone when Dr. Hamilton approached Lois. He felt Lionel was being too controlling, and if he went to Lois not only would she fund him better, but also be more hands off. She agreed to do it, but only if the current project was terminated. Then she came to me."
"What happened to Dr. Hamilton?"
"Lionel killed him before I got to him. And destroyed or hid most of the research. The file I gave you was in his safe, and I knew the combination." Morgan smiled faintly. "He knew I was coming, and he knew I would kill him. I had no choice. He'd crossed the line." He reached out and touched the back of Lex's hand before Lex could snatch it away. "It was one thing to mentally scar my son. It's quite another to kill him. So, I had Lionel take his gun from underneath the desk, wrapped my gloved hand around his, placed the pistol against his head, and helped him pull the trigger." A strange, bitter smile crossed his face. "I couldn't even kiss him goodbye. I couldn't risk leaving a trace of my being there."
Lex shuddered and closed his eyes. The bastard wasn't even sorry, and Lex couldn't exactly say he blamed him. Which maybe meant Lex was as big a monster as Morgan.
Fuck. He was so confused.
"And that's the story." Morgan sat back and gazed at Lex. "And all I know. Lois destroyed the rest of the clones before she found out the research was gone. She's spent the last ten years attempting to duplicate or find out how it was done, and now she's started the project back up."
"Did she ever call you about it?"
He shook his head. "No, I found out through other sources. But, as I'm sure the investigation will reveal, the reason she's illegally dumping the chemicals is there is no known way to process them. Once they go through the meteor rock solution that's used to animate the clones, they mutate into something that we have no known disposal method for. That, too, is in the file, but only a mention."
Lex nodded. "Do you know who she's trying to clone?"
"No." He tilted his head. "It's not you."
"I'd hope not." He took a deep breath and removed his sunglasses. For a moment, he said nothing, simply gazed into Morgan's eyes, taking his measure. He'd been avoiding really looking at him since he arrived, but now he needed to. He needed to see who this man really was: a long lost father who really cared for his son, or a big time crook, cashing in on an old debt.
What Lex saw surprised him. And shook him. And sadden him.
"What is it?" Morgan asked, frowning.
Lex sighed and slipped his sunglasses back on. He glanced up at Clark a moment as he scratched the side of his nose before answering, "Nothing. It's just, you really think you love me, don't you?"
"I do, Lex. You're my son."
He laughed bitterly. "Dad said that to me countless times. 'You're my son, Lex.' 'I'm only doing this to make you stronger, Lex.' Any time he did something that hurt me, it was all to make me stronger. And now, I'm so strong ." He looked at Morgan and smiled. "Clark says I was abused. I never thought of it that way, but he was right. Lionel did it because he thought that was how to raise a warrior. You let him do it because you wanted that warrior, wanted someone to carry on the Luthor name and the Edge legacy. Well, guess what, *Dad*." He leaned forward, placing his arm on the table. "I am a warrior. For truth. For justice. And honor."
"What are you ..."
"Excuse me, Morgan Edge?" A plainclothes detective appeared at their table, face grim.
Morgan's eyes narrowed. "Yes?"
The detective showed his badge. "You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder, arson, embezzlement, and fraud. You have the right to remain silent ..."
"Lex," Morgan hissed, eyes going wide.
Lex smiled and rose from his seat. "I'd listen to your rights if I was you, Morgan." He pulled a tape recorder from his pocket and flashed it smugly. "Admissible evidence or not, this is going to be a hell of an article."
TBC ...
I think the end of this part still needs a little work, but I'll do that on the next go round. I want to get it done, you know?
Previous Parts:
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/107106.html">Part 1</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/107332.html">Part 2</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/107627.html">Part 3</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/107992.html">Part 4</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/108184.html">part 5</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/109559.html">Part 6</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/110446.html">Part 7</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/111215.html#cutid1">Part 8</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/112877.html">Part 9</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/113982.html">Part 10</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/114655.html#cutid1>Part 11</a>
<a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/115872.html#cutid1">Part 12</a>
<a href=http://www.livejournal.com/users/serafina20/116645.html#cutid1">Part 13</a>
<lj-cut text="Part 14">
Evening fell after Clark flew away. It closed around Lex, black as tar and twice as thick. Dully, he entered his house and surrendered to the night. For about an hour, he was physically unable to do anything by sit on the floor, gazing sightlessly at his couch. Or, in the direction of the couch. He really didn't know, he barely even *was* at that moment.
Lex had done depression before. Many, many times. As a child, he'd been given to mood swings, as his fa .... Lionel called them. Periods of being difficult and willfully disobedient. It hadn't been well into his adult years when Lex still had months on end where he cared about nothing and had difficulty functioning, that he'd realized it hadn't been disobedience or willfulness, but depression.
That was just "normal" depression. Periodic swings in his mood that could be anywhere from mildly disrupting to his life to nearly debilitating. It was brought on not by any one event, but a culmination of everything combined with something inside him that was prone to darkness. It didn't even touch on the dark clouds that had surrounded him at various points in his life due to tragic events beyond his control. His mother's death, Julian's death, the failure of LuthorCorp, Lionel's murder. Every event had led to some of the darkest periods of Lex's life.
When his mother had died he'd hid himself in his closet for hours until his nanny had pulled him out. Even then, he'd remained silent and withdrawn until Lionel had packed him up and sent him away to school.
Where he'd promptly lost touch with reality and been sent to a mental institution. He'd been there for three months, gone through intensive therapy that involved a lot of drugs and extreme loneliness. Lionel had only visited a few times. Morgan, however, had come every day. Lex couldn't exactly remember what they'd done together, but he did have vague memories or sitting with Morgan in the garden, or on a couch, watching television. There were a few images of Morgan holding Lex while he read, and another where Lex was painting with Morgan at his side. But other than that, there was nothing.
After he'd gotten out, Lex had been better. Relatively so. He would still get into moods, and his grades always reflected his mental state, rollercoastering throughout the year, but he'd survived and functioned. As he got older, he even made a good show of enjoying life.
His second bout with dangerously serious depression had been after Lionel had died. He'd already been teetering on the edge with LuthorCorp going under, but had found a new purpose with journalism. When Lionel had died, his life had spiraled completely out of control, and nothing Lex had done could stop it. He'd *known* Lionel had been murdered, but couldn't prove it. Worse, no one seemed to believe him. Even Morgan had gently changed the subject the one time Lex had applied to him for help. It'd gotten to be too much. Lex had felt so useless, so utterly stupid then, and had finally given up. He'd locked himself in his apartment and stared at the walls until even that got to be too much. That's when he'd broken out the Vicoden and vodka and thrown himself a party.
In the years that followed, whenever Lex slipped into the black void, Perry would come and drag him out. But it would take so long. Lex never complained, always put on a stoic face at work, and it wasn't until leaving his apartment got to be too much that Perry would realize what was going on.
But Lex knew. He always knew. He just didn't know how to ask for help.
And now .... He'd thought it'd been bad before. Losing his mother. Killing Julian. Luthor Corp and Lionel's murder. But this was a thousand times worse, and Lex just didn't know how to deal with it.
He felt himself cracking, felt insanity creeping in on him, and Lex was terrified.
Eventually, the paralysis faded away. Lex came to himself, sitting on the floor, looking at nothing, and knew what was going on. He knew he should call Perry, or Clark, or one of those crisis hotline number things Perry had slipped to him over the years, but he doubted his ability to dial a phone.
He pushed himself to his feet and went to the kitchen. The bottle of Scotch was nearly full; he took that, a glass, and a new pack of cigarettes to the couch. Kicking off his shoes, he laid back and got started.
The Scotch disappeared in about an hour or so. The cigarettes took longer, but he made his way through them without moving much from his position. Luckily, there was more alcohol than just Scotch, and by the time he was out of both, it was nearly midnight.
He lived above a liquor store, so drunk, Lex ran out to buy more. The fucking guy behind the counter refused to sell him any more liquor-"Dude, Lex, you so drunk, I don't know why you ain't in the hospital,"--but he did get another carton of cigarettes.
Stocked with one essential, Lex retreated back to his house and attempted to wrap his mind around what he'd learned.
Item 1: Morgan Edge was his biological father because Lionel Luthor, whom Lex had thought was his father, was sterile.
Item 2: Lex had once walked in on Morgan and Mom having sex which, apparently, brought about Julian. Lex had then told Lois about it, then promptly (or not so promptly) forgot it ever happened.
Item 3: After Lex had fucked over Luthor Corp, Lionel, the man who's raised him but was *not* his real father, decided to dispose of Lex and replace him with a clone.
Item 4: Really, there was no item four. The idea that Lionel had wanted to kill him was enough to make Lex give up the ghost and return to bed with the covers over his head.
Living was overrated. Existing was fine. Besides, there wasn't much to live for anyway. His job was a joke, life was a joke. Lex had enough money; he could quit and just stay here for the rest of his life. Safe.
Besides. If he went back to work, he couldn't sleep, and he was really tired.
He made another run to a different liquor store, picked up some beer, another bottle of Scotch, and a bottle of rum, and vodka, and went home to climb into bed.
When Clark asked later, Lex told him that he really thought he'd slept for a week. Time had no meaning for him, and he was so drunk by the time he finally passed out, he couldn't have even said why he was doing this. He just crawled into bed after draining two cans of beer, let his last cigarette burn itself out, and crawled into bed, feeling dirty and grimy and disgusting, but not carrying.
He thought a week. It turns out, Clark had only left him alone for a day. If he'd known what Lex was doing, he probably would have come back sooner, and a huge part of Lex wished he had, but Clark waited exactly twenty-four hours before returning. And then, he moved in.
And move in he did. Had Lex been any less drunk, he probably would have noticed what had gone on while he'd been unconscious, but he was drunk and depressed and had no clue.
Clark, as Lex was learning, did nothing half-way. When he'd decided to become a superhero, he'd done so with a vengeance. When he'd fallen for Lex, he left nothing for himself. And when he moved in, he inserted himself into Lex's very bed so, when Lex finally woke up, he found himself wrapped in Clark's arms, held safe after going to bed alone.
The funny thing was, what alerted Lex to Clark's presence wasn't the fact they wee in bed together. It was the fact that fresh air was blowing over Lex's face and coffee was in the air. The arms around him, the leg draped over his hip, the face pressed into his neck, and the hair that tickled his scalp didn't mean a thing.
He opened his eyes.
His apartment was spotless.
That wasn't how he'd left it. One thing that had always amazed him was how messy his home could get in a short time. Every single time he'd fallen into a wave of depression, the first thing to go was his apartment. Dishes were left everywhere, usually with food still on them since he didn't tend to eat, and overflowing ashtrays. His clothes and shoes were left wherever he happened to take them off. Couch cushions fell to the floor, and the empty cans of soda or beer or whatever were left lying around. Lex Luthor was normally fastidious, but when he was depressed, the just didn't matter.
Now, his room was immaculate. Everything. The dresser was dust free, his clothes were neatly folded on a chair. The smell of fabric softener permeated the air, mingling Lemon Pledge and Windex. The floor had been swept and mopped, and the throw rug looked as if it'd been beaten within every inch of it's life. There was a potted plant on his nightstand, waving in the gentle breeze.
His ashtray was gone. The sheets had been changed, and Lex was wearing pajamas instead of the jeans and shirt he'd gone to bed in.
"Clark?" he said.
"Mmmm?"
"What happened?"
Clark kissed his neck and said, "Can you be more specific?"
It hit Lex then that Clark didn't actually live with him, and when they'd last spoken, Lex had requested he be left alone.
He rolled over. "What are you doing here?"
Guileless, sleepy blue-green eyes gazed back at him. "Sleeping."
"Don't get cute."
"*Get* cute. I thought you said I *was* cute." When Lex continued to glare at him, Clark sighed. "Lex, I did as you asked and left you alone. You didn't specify how long. I was worried, so I came back, just to check on you. When I saw how much you'd fallen apart, I decide that alone time was over."
"That's not for you to decide."
"It's not for you to decide either," Clark snapped. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Sorry. It's just, I'm not entirely unaware of your past. I've been talking to Perry, and he told me how you get when you're depressed, and it's not okay."
Lex started pulling away. "Excuse me ..."
Clark's arms tightened. "Lex, don't go. I'm not saying it's not okay for you to get depressed. It happens. It's not your fault, and I didn't mean for it to sound like I was blaming you. When the AI scanned you, it said there are some definite chemical imbalances going on in your brain. So, on top of everything you just found out, you have a chemical problem. It's not going to be easy, Lex, but I'm not going to let you close yourself off. You aren't going through this alone."
"But .... But ...." He really didn't have any but. Just like he really didn't have any breath to talk, because everything in him was a gigantic struggle against himself. Again, it felt as if the world were shattering to pieces, falling part, and he couldn't breathe and couldn't think and was going to drown and he couldn't .... couldn't ....
"Shhhh," Clark soothed, pulling Lex to him. "Let it out, Lex. Just let it out." He rubbed Lex's back hard, warmth permeating through Lex's skin, reaching the muscles pulled too taut. Lips pressed into Lex's temple and forehead, whispered words raining down his face.
Something inside Lex broke and he gasped. "Why?" he whispered, tears sitting on his lower lashes.
"I don't know. I don't know why anyone would want a child so much he would go to such lengths to have one, and then treat the child so badly. I don't know why Lionel abused you so much."
Lex sat up and pulled away. "Give me a break." He wiped his eyes. "Lionel didn't abuse me."
Clark frowned and sat up as well. "Yes he did."
"God, you're so dramatic." He laughed breathlessly. "Superman, the drama queen." He laughed again, only it didn't feel like laughter. "Dad--Lionel--Dad--he just wanted to make me strong. He didn't beat me. Punished me, yes. A paddle, but, God, almost never. And never more than ten hits, so it wasn't like .... Fuck, Clark, you're insane."
"There's more than just physical abuse, Lex, and you know it," Clark said quietly.
"He didn't ..." Lex barely made it to the bathroom before he started throwing up.
This time, Clark was with him, supporting him the whole time. He rubbed Lex's back and made soothing noises throughout. When Lex was done, Clark had a glass of water waiting and a cool rag for his forehead.
"I'm so fucked up," was the first thing Lex could think to stay.
"No. Just dealing with more than your share."
He sniffed. "You should just leave, Clark. Please."
"Why?"
He sniffed again, swiping at his nose which was dripping out of his control. "Seriously, where to you see this going? I'm barely holding it together as it is, and I know it's not going to get any better. We haven't even slept together, so I'm not sure what ... what the incentive for you to stay is. I mean, I'm obviously. Not *worth* anything, and ..."
"See, that's where you're wrong," Clark interrupted. "Lionel Luthor wasn't worth anything. He's the piece of shit trash that deserved worse than he got. He's the one who spent a lifetime trying to twist you into something he thought you should be, and then reject you because you're too good and too strong to be broken by him. Lex." He sighed and took Lex's hands. "Your father spent probably every moment of your life abusing you. Okay, maybe he thought he was doing it out of love. Maybe he believed it would make you a stronger person, but the truth is, if you hadn't already been strong, you wouldn't have survived. And yes, you get depressed, and yes, you've got self-worth issues, but you can work through that. *We* can work through that."
Lex shook his head. "You shouldn't have to. This is my problem."
"It's our problem." He sighed. "And look at it this way. For better or for worse, you know that someone valued you. Morgan may not be the father you grew up with, or even want, but when it came down to it, he chose you over Lionel." Clark squeezed Lex's hands and bent forward. After kissing him gently, he said, "And my incentive for staying is you. You're worth the world to me, Lex, and nothing is going to make me leave."
He seemed so sincere, and so steady. He gazed at Lex though loving eyes and an expression that made Lex's heart want to break.
Lex sniffed. "Forgive me if I have a hard time believing that?" Lex said almost tearfully.
"I forgive you." Clark rose and lifted Lex into his arms. "Now I think we should have some breakfast and decide what to do." He left the bathroom, heading for the rest of the apartment.
Lex sighed and rested his head on Clark's shoulder. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, are you up to working today? We need to move ahead on the chemical dumping story, and then decide what to do with the clone story." He sat on the couch, holding Lex in his lap. "Do you want to write it?"
"I don't know," Lex answered quietly. "I wouldn't know what to write."
Clark kissed his temple. "You're a brilliant writer, Lex. Once you look at the research, it'll come to you." He laced his fingers through Lex. "I'll be with you if you want. I'll go to every interview you do, sit with you while you write. But I think it's something you need to do."
Lex buried his face in Clark's neck. "I don't know if I can," he admitted quietly. "I'm not ... right right now. I feel like I'm going to break. I don't .... want to be here." He exhaled hard.
A soft sigh breezed over Lex's ear. Fingers caressed the nape of Lex's neck. "I think there are two ways to get through this, Lex. The first is where I let you sink deeper into this, do your work, tell your story. Take care of you, first and foremost, because I'm not going to go anywhere. I'll stay and get you through this until you decide to help yourself and find ways to get yourself out of this. The second is where you take today to reach some sort of equilibrium. You realize that you feel like crap and you want to die, but that's not going to do you any good. That the only way to beat this is to face it. To admit that Lionel abused you, and admit you didn't deserve it. To accept my help and tell your own story. And, Lex, the clones are your story."
"I wouldn't know where to start on it."
"You talk to Morgan. Talk to Lois. Review the research, contact the EPA. See how you feel. If we need to, we can go to a doctor and see if anti-depressants will help clear your thoughts. This is big, Lex, and hard to deal with anyway, but you don't need your body working against right now."
"I really don't want to take drugs. I've spent enough of my life in a drugged stupor."
"That's fine. I'm there with you. But, Lex, please don't give up."
Lex sighed and kissed Clark's neck. "It's so hard. Everything I thought I was ..." He trailed off and clung to Clark tighter.
Clark held Lex close. "I know. I was fifteen when my parents told me I was an alien. And when they did, it was like everything fell apart. I had no idea who I was anymore. Before, I'd just been different, but human. And then suddenly, I wasn't. It took a long time before I was able to really deal with it. I had my parents supporting me. You have me." He kissed Lex's cheek. "I know you've been questioning your worth your whole life. And all I can tell you is that from the first moment I met you, I knew your worth was beyond compare."
He pulled away. For a long moment, he didn't say anything. He just gazed into Clark's beautiful eyes and tried not to cry. Finally, he inhaled sharply and said, "I wish I had that much faith."
"Don't worry, Lex. For now, I have faith enough."
* * *
Morgan Edge reminded Lex of his father, and yes, he was fully aware of the irony in that statement. Still, the comparison held. There was a certain air that Morgan had about him that was reminiscent of Lionel. And the way he looked at you, like he could see through your skin. And just the way he moved and spoke, like he and Lionel had learned diction from the same source.
The way he held himself like he owned the world. That was it. Both Morgan and Lionel looked on the world as if they were the owners, and Lex felt cowed by that. Especially now, feeling the way he did.
Lex hesitated across the street from the café Morgan sat at. His heart was pounding wildly, and he felt completely unsure of himself.
He glanced up.
Clark was on top of the building above him, in full Superman gear. His arms were crossed over his chest, cape blowing in the dreams. He was every inch the superhero.
When Lex glanced up, he felt rather than saw Clark's eyes meet his own. Clark nodded slightly at Lex, urging him on.
It helped, a little. Resolve settled over Lex, and his nerves steadied. He took a deep breath and crossed the street.
"Hello, Lex," Morgan said when Lex approached his table. He'd been here for awhile judging from the nearly empty cup of coffee in front of him. Like Lex, he was dressed all in black, only instead of a turtleneck, he was wearing a black silk shirt and with a gray scarf. "You look well."
"Thank you." He stood uncertainly for a moment, gripping the back of the chair before finally sitting down.
Morgan smiled when he did. "Thank you for calling me."
"Fuck you."
He raised his eyebrow. "Ah. A mature response. Wonderful. I'd hoped that you'd be able to move past this anger by now."
"Past the anger. Forgive me, please. I recently found out my entire life is a lie." He swallowed hard as the waitress came to their table. "Lemonade," he ordered, since Clark had forbidden him to drink any alcohol. When she was gone, he looked at Morgan through the darkened lenses he was wearing. "You killed Dad."
"Yes."
"And then you lied about it. When I told you I thought he'd been murdered, you told me I was wrong."
"I didn't think you were ready for the truth. You were so bewildered. Convinced that he'd been murdered, unable to prove it, and on the warpath to avenge him. Because you felt guilty. I *wanted* to tell you, especially since it made me sick to know you were mourning him, but I refrained. Because I thought it was best for you."
The waitress returned with Lex's lemonade, and he wrapped his hand around it. "Tell me what happened. Everything."
Morgan waited until his coffee was refilled and the waitress left. "Well, you know most of it already. Lionel and I grew up together. We were inseparable as boys, teenagers, and even adults. We grew up in the slums, which, of course, was an insult to Lionel. We came up with thousands of schemes to get out, and, finally, Lionel came up with the insurance scam. Once we'd killed his parents, we had enough money to get a decent apartment and to pass ourselves off as middle class people. And, from there, Lionel began to climb the social ladder and I began to establish myself in Metropolis' underworld."
"Skip to an interesting part."
Morgan smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Lionel met and married Lillian within the space of four months. She's came from a wealthy family and, although they did not approve, she fell in love with Lionel. Lionel started Luthor Corp soon after, and when the company hit the Fortune 500 list, they began trying to have a child. They tried for over a year before Lionel agreed to see a doctor, and even then, at first, he only allowed Lillian to be tested."
"She was fine."
"Yes, but Lionel was not. His sperm count was almost nothing, and it was obvious he'd never father a child. After months of raging, he finally came up with a solution."
"You."
"Yes." Morgan shrugged.
Lex shook his head. "And you just agreed? Mom just agreed?"
"After a good deal of convincing, yes. But she wanted a child, so, in the end, she agreed."
"Twice."
He nodded.
Lex looked away and sipped his lemonade. Clark was still sitting on top of the building, and Lex was grateful. He'd half expected Clark to disappear to rescue someone who needed him before Lex got through this. But he was still there, watching them, and it steadied Lex's nerves.
He inhaled sharply. "You're my father."
"Yes."
"Then why ... did you let Lionel treat me the way he did my whole life?"
Morgan sighed. "He thought he was doing what was best, Lex. And I agreed, at the time. Not all the time. You never should have been blamed for Julian's death, you never should have been in the institution. Julian was sick, and Lionel couldn't deal with it. I wanted to take Julian away and raise him out of the public eye, but Lionel had him killed and convinced you that you did it."
Lex squeezed his eyes shut, glad he'd worn sunglasses. "So, I ... I didn't do it."
"No, Lex, you did not. But Lionel made it seem like you did, and by the time I realized what he'd done, you wouldn't believe me." He shrugged. "When you had your break after Lillian died, I again asked Lionel to turn you over to me. I'd planned to take you away, somewhere nice, like Hawaii or California, to recover, but he refused. The best I could do was visit you."
"I remember that."
He sat forward, looking at Lex intently. "I loved you, Lex. Still do, although I am the first to admit I have not been a father. I wasn't supposed to be, but you were so much a part of me, I found it hard to separate myself from you."
"Don't," Lex said rolling his eyes. "Just don't." He licked his lips. "I seriously doubt that either you or Lionel were any kind of good influence on my life. I think that I'm fucked up because of the two of you, and whatever happens today, we have no relationship." He sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "This meeting is out of necessity."
"What necessity?"
"The clones. For one. I have some questions. But I also needed to know about this." He glanced up at Clark again.
"You mean your lover wanted you to ask." Morgan followed his eyes to Clark. He sighed. "That costume is ridiculous. When he was mine, the boy had better fashion sense."
Lex shrugged. "It serves its purpose."
Morgan smiled. "I find it ironic, really. That he found you. My son."
"Shut the fuck up, Morgan," Lex said warningly.
"You can't tell me you don't see the irony. I'm the one who taught him everything he knows. I talk him how to properly give a blow job, how to prepare a man to be taken, how to prepare himself if needs be. I taught him ...."
Lex pulled his jacked open slightly, revealing the gun inside. "Morgan. Shut. The fuck. Up."
He shifted in his seat and raised his hands slightly. "I withdraw the remark. So. We have no relationship."
"No more than we ever had."
"Well, since I have you right now, then I suppose I should inform you that you are my benefactor. When I die, you will receive everything I have."
"I don't want it."
"Tough. Give it to charity, I don't give a fuck. But you are my *son*, Lex, and that has always meant something to me. And it will continue to mean something to me, relationship or not. Got it?"
Lex swallowed hard and rubbed his chin. "Fine." He swallowed again, then picked up his lemonade. "When did my ... Lionel start his cloning project?"
There was a long moment of silence. Lex refused to look up as Morgan studied him, instead keeping his eyes trained on the table, head up. He was regretting he'd come, regretting that he'd opened the conversation with trying to figure out how it had happened. It didn't matter in the end. The fact was, Morgan Edge was his father, and the term grew more and more meaningless every time Lex tried to apply it to his life. The whys and the hows didn't matter.
"He started in 1995 when an experiment he'd done with the meteors had an unexpected side effect: instead of eradicating the cancer he was trying to kill, it replicated it exactly. He performed the same experiment with the same results. That was the beginning of the cloning."
"Did he ever succeed?"
"Yes, but with dubious results. He cloned a little girl named Emily, the dead daughter of an employee. She was cloned, and viable, and had advancements over humans. Her abilities actually closely mirrored Kal's: she could move faster than sight, was extremely strong. But, unlike Kal, or, rather like him when I knew him, she was completely immoral." Morgan smiled. "She was also six, but still. Very frightening. I couldn't stand to be in the same room as her, and, in the end, she proved impossible for Lionel to control."
Lex's mouth went dry. "So he destroyed her."
"Yes."
"And continued his experiments."
Morgan nodded. "He kept them separate from LuthorCorp so when it failed, he was able to keep the labs. After you published your story on LuthorCorp and turned reporter rather than insert yourself advantageously in a position at Lane Enterprises, he decided that he needed a replacement. Lionel was always confident he'd take his company back, and he was furious that you didn't take Lois up on her job offer."
"I thought it was too humiliating. And I wanted to stay loyal to Dad." He winced, but continued on. "Lionel never gave any indication that he was upset at me, or that he wanted me to take the job."
"He expected you to know. And, when you didn't, that too was a failure." Morgan lifted his glass. "So, he took some DNA from you and started trying to create a better son."
Lex felt himself pale. "Did he ever succeed?"
Morgan shook his head. "They'd just had to execute the first clone when Dr. Hamilton approached Lois. He felt Lionel was being too controlling, and if he went to Lois not only would she fund him better, but also be more hands off. She agreed to do it, but only if the current project was terminated. Then she came to me."
"What happened to Dr. Hamilton?"
"Lionel killed him before I got to him. And destroyed or hid most of the research. The file I gave you was in his safe, and I knew the combination." Morgan smiled faintly. "He knew I was coming, and he knew I would kill him. I had no choice. He'd crossed the line." He reached out and touched the back of Lex's hand before Lex could snatch it away. "It was one thing to mentally scar my son. It's quite another to kill him. So, I had Lionel take his gun from underneath the desk, wrapped my gloved hand around his, placed the pistol against his head, and helped him pull the trigger." A strange, bitter smile crossed his face. "I couldn't even kiss him goodbye. I couldn't risk leaving a trace of my being there."
Lex shuddered and closed his eyes. The bastard wasn't even sorry, and Lex couldn't exactly say he blamed him. Which maybe meant Lex was as big a monster as Morgan.
Fuck. He was so confused.
"And that's the story." Morgan sat back and gazed at Lex. "And all I know. Lois destroyed the rest of the clones before she found out the research was gone. She's spent the last ten years attempting to duplicate or find out how it was done, and now she's started the project back up."
"Did she ever call you about it?"
He shook his head. "No, I found out through other sources. But, as I'm sure the investigation will reveal, the reason she's illegally dumping the chemicals is there is no known way to process them. Once they go through the meteor rock solution that's used to animate the clones, they mutate into something that we have no known disposal method for. That, too, is in the file, but only a mention."
Lex nodded. "Do you know who she's trying to clone?"
"No." He tilted his head. "It's not you."
"I'd hope not." He took a deep breath and removed his sunglasses. For a moment, he said nothing, simply gazed into Morgan's eyes, taking his measure. He'd been avoiding really looking at him since he arrived, but now he needed to. He needed to see who this man really was: a long lost father who really cared for his son, or a big time crook, cashing in on an old debt.
What Lex saw surprised him. And shook him. And sadden him.
"What is it?" Morgan asked, frowning.
Lex sighed and slipped his sunglasses back on. He glanced up at Clark a moment as he scratched the side of his nose before answering, "Nothing. It's just, you really think you love me, don't you?"
"I do, Lex. You're my son."
He laughed bitterly. "Dad said that to me countless times. 'You're my son, Lex.' 'I'm only doing this to make you stronger, Lex.' Any time he did something that hurt me, it was all to make me stronger. And now, I'm so strong ." He looked at Morgan and smiled. "Clark says I was abused. I never thought of it that way, but he was right. Lionel did it because he thought that was how to raise a warrior. You let him do it because you wanted that warrior, wanted someone to carry on the Luthor name and the Edge legacy. Well, guess what, *Dad*." He leaned forward, placing his arm on the table. "I am a warrior. For truth. For justice. And honor."
"What are you ..."
"Excuse me, Morgan Edge?" A plainclothes detective appeared at their table, face grim.
Morgan's eyes narrowed. "Yes?"
The detective showed his badge. "You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder, arson, embezzlement, and fraud. You have the right to remain silent ..."
"Lex," Morgan hissed, eyes going wide.
Lex smiled and rose from his seat. "I'd listen to your rights if I was you, Morgan." He pulled a tape recorder from his pocket and flashed it smugly. "Admissible evidence or not, this is going to be a hell of an article."
TBC ...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 03:12 am (UTC)I love this story.
*pets you*
*purrs*
Date: 2004-01-22 12:36 am (UTC)Isn't he awesome? And, yes, Morgan totally deserves what he gets. :)
Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 03:35 am (UTC)I think you mean beneficiary, not benefactor.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-22 12:37 am (UTC)And he really needs that control. Those bastards have played him too long.
Thanks for the correction!
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 06:13 am (UTC)Ooh! This paragraph gave me chills. In the good way.
IMO, unless there's something you want to change between "What are you ..." and the "TBC," the end of this works beautifully.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-22 12:39 am (UTC)Oh, good. I was afraid it might be a little too over the top, and it took me *so* long to dig up "honor" instead of "the American way." :) But, I felt it really articulated how Lex is trying to shape himself, so i gambled. Looks like I won. :)
There are still a few more things I need to tie up before the end. But I'm really close; i can feel it. :)
Oh, wait.
Date: 2004-01-22 12:41 am (UTC)I think I'm misreading what you mean here. Do you mean the end of the scene works beautifully, or it works beautifully as the end of the fic? My brain apparently has decided to stop working. *blushes*
Re: Oh, wait.
Date: 2004-01-22 01:32 am (UTC)Re: Oh, wait.
Date: 2004-01-22 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 06:48 am (UTC)Fingers are officially no longer working, so. Fantastic part. My brain is toying with what's left to be cleaned up and I'm still thinking that there is a lot less to Lois' mad scientist dealings than is being made out. And, uh, oh, balls, I forgot. Think of it later.
G'nite
no subject
Date: 2004-01-22 12:44 am (UTC)Thank you! I was trying to make it as real as I possibly could, and not to go overboard or make it seem like the entire reason he was falling apart was because of what he'd learned. I'm glad I got it right for you.
Although, I was wondering if you could elaborate on this:
You got at least two actions; or maybe lack of actions that people looking in from the outside just don't see as a really big problem.
*blushes* I mean, obviously I got it right, I'm just not sure what exactly the two things I got right here were. Does that make sense?
There really isn't a whole lot left to tie up. You're right in the way your thinking is going, and from here on out, it's mostly interpersonal stuff I think. Thanks for the feedback!
no subject
Date: 2004-01-23 05:12 am (UTC)The first that struck me was the withdrawal, from people, places, joy, etc. Especially the comment about the telephone. It's not that it's frightening to pick up the phone. People suffering from clinical depression just can't. It's that simple-- and that complete. The phone is there--but you can't touch it. It's probably linked to the "what's the point" mentality that strikes as part of the depressive phase. The second thing... I have to read it again! Oh no!!! Gotta run. Late for class.
I love your work!
Teri
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 07:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-22 12:50 am (UTC)And that's the beauty of the character. And one of the reasons I started watching SV. I love villians, but I wanted to see how one was made, and see if I'd still love him. So far, I do. ;)
I'm really glad you like Morgan here! I like him, and while I know what he did wasnt exactly kosher, i can't help sympathizing with him as well. :)
Thank you!!!
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 08:32 am (UTC)When Morgan is talking about Emily shouldn't it be 'amoral' instead of 'immoral'?
no subject
Date: 2004-01-22 12:51 am (UTC)Clark with always, always be there to catch him. I promise. :)
When Morgan is talking about Emily shouldn't it be 'amoral' instead of 'immoral'?
Yup, you're right. Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 04:47 pm (UTC)Two threads tied up and very few to go.
Also, yay for the job.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-22 12:52 am (UTC)And he'd wear purple spandex and bunny slippers with WL emblazoned across his chest. :)
Thanks for the fb. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-01-21 04:49 pm (UTC)you've got the depression down beautifully. I adore the twist (of the proverbial knife) at the end. It breaks my heart that Lex would do it, and he'll probably grieve it later--but he believes so deeply in moral rightness, above all things apparently, which makes him so much like Superman that I just want to hug him to pieces.
A tiny note: the word you want is beneficiary, not benefactor, since Lex is receiving.
Wow, I have zero grammar skillz this morning. ;)
Still so very hooked. :)
(Please gods, let them have sex soon!)
no subject
Date: 2004-01-22 12:56 am (UTC)Thank you. I was trying to make it as realistic as possible.
It breaks my heart that Lex would do it, and he'll probably grieve it later--but he believes so deeply in moral rightness, above all things apparently, which makes him so much like Superman that I just want to hug him to pieces.
But I also think it's important for him to have done it. Because, yes, Morgan killed Lionel for him, and is his real father, but he also stood idly by for *years* while Lex was abused and berated and taught that he would never be good enough. Both of them took Lex's life and played with it, and this was a way for him to at least symbollically let Morgan know that it's not goign to happen anymore.
Despite what he said, though, their realtionship isn't over. Lex might not be able to think of that right now, but I at least know that. He'll visit Morgan in prision and they'll come to some understanding and ....
Uh, not that I"m planning a sequel or anything. ;)
Please gods, let them have sex soon!
I was thinking more along the lines of a fade to black. {eg}