serafina20 | Bad Day Tuesday

For the past seven years, Tuesday has been one of my favorite days of the week. Not weekend, mind you, because the weekend is special unto itself and therefore cannot be counted among the normal week. But, of days of the week, Tuesday was right up there with Friday. It was Buffy night. Then it was Smallville night.

It occurred to me last night that Tuesday will no longer be the best night. Even though I like The O.C., it's not Smallville, and Smallville and Angel both have moved to what is, for me, the black hole of the week: Wednesday (if you pretend that Thursday doesn't exist, which I often try to do because it is, hands down, the most useless day of the week). The problem with Wednesday is that I always forget things, especially television shows. The main reason I stopped watching Voyager was not that I lost interest in the show, per se, but because it was on Wednesday night at nine, and I *always* forgot it was on until Thursday morning.

I will not be forgetting Smallville and Angel. I am more emotionally invested and have my own VCR which is set to tape, at the very least, Smallville. Even if I do go to Braille class, I'll be watching. Not sure what I'll do about "Tru Calling" or "Jake 2.0" (the latter of which I suspect will suck, but I want to watch the pilot; I'm sacrificing to the gods that Tru Calling will be good).

The reason this all occurred to me yesterday was because yesterday was a Very Bad Day. And that Very Bad Day actually started on Monday night.

Monday night was the Sierra Club new members meeting. I've been hiking with the Sierra club for a little over a month now (I think); they have conditioning hikes sort of near my house (I have to leave 50 min early for it to get there 10-15 min early due to traffic) and I absolutely *love* it. I'm working up to go on a day hike (actually, now I'm working up to go on a mule pack camping trip, for which I will be ready for in about a year or so providing in that time I not only get used to hiking in the mountains, but also learn how to camp. I can't do either right now, but I have a goal). Anyway, the meeting was to officially join, meet people (ha!), and to hear about the various chapters.

I did everything wrong. Oh, to the outside observer, I didn't. But I managed to fuck up meeting two very nice women my age because I am socially inept. By the time I got home, I no longer felt human. Seriously. I felt so out of step, I wasn't even comfortable in my body. I wanted to die, wished I hadn't been born, wondered yet again if I had some sort of illness (like was I slightly autistic or have asperger's disease), etc.

My mother asked me not to self-diagnose and instead to write down what I think I did wrong and carry it with me so the next time I'm in a similar situation, I'll remember what not to do.

Sometime after this, I first heard about the blaster worm virus thing. My computer was fine, but my sister's was not. I called my brother for some reason to tell him, and immediately felt like the world's biggest idiot. It was too late to download any of the patches and whatnot, so I went to bed where I was mostly unable to sleep peacefully due to heat and nightmares.

Flash forward to Bad Day Tuesday in which I suffered multiple panic attacks. Minor ones, really, but they were constant. I'd be sitting there, scanning files, when suddenly, I'd get the urge to crawl under the desk and start crying. My palms turned to ice, I was shaking, I couldn't get comfortable, and I was convinced we were going to die or something. It didn't help that Penny (my boss) was trying to fix the computers. She and V. (my supervisor) were cussing and yelling at all the computers, and each other. Now, they always do this; they cannot react mildly to anything. But it was upsetting, so I finally went home sick.

On the way to my car, I decided I was schizophrenic. I have since changed my mind.

I went home and started downloading updates to my computer. They wouldn't download. After almost two hours, I decided to try my sisters. Was that a mistake. Her computer is so fucked up in the first place that I couldn't do anything, and I ended up getting chest pains and yelling.

I was sent to my room. I find that part amusing.

Anyway, I finally managed to calm down by about five or so. I did not get to go hiking, partly because I'd had such a bad day, partly because I was hungry with no appetite, but mostly due to the heat. Which is too bad, since I'm only sure I can go hiking this week and next; after that, I start student teaching. (!)

I did manage to download patches and fix it tools for the worm. However, it occurred to me this morning that I may not have installed the patch. *bangs head on keyboard*

Today hasn't been a bad day, except for the annoyances this morning and the fact I can't stand my coworkers/supervisors. Cussing overmuch tends to make me edgy when I'm already edgy, and V. cusses incessantly.

So. Tuesday. Used to be one of the best days of the week. Now? We'll have to see. Wednesday's look a lot more promising.