serafina20 | Update

My dad's being moved out of the hospital into hospice care. Originally, they were going to keep him in the hospital and do hospice there, but now they're saying that he's not struggling enough to keep him there. I keep thinking how morbid this all is, moving him to a new place for him to die, but then my mind shuts down. He wanted to go home, but we don't have enough money to pay for the caretakers. Considering t his all started with my mom not being able to help him get out of bed and into the car alone, that's not good.

Anyway. I'm now thinking of going down next week. The stupid, fucking holiday rush should be over, and the roads should be clear enough. I'll find someone to watch my cats (just remembered that). I'll have to take a week off work, but at least I'll be home for a bit.

I don't know. I don't know what's the right thing to do. I don't know what to do. To top everything off, my calcaneal bursitis is back, which means I can't even go for a run or a walk to clear my mind.

And it's really hard not to feel hopeful. Like, the doctors expected him to die on Saturday, and he's still around and alert and everything. But, no. He's not getting better. I know that, I know that I know that.

Fuck this.

ETA So, last night, my dad accidentally pulled his feeding tube out. The hospital asked my mom what she wanted them to do, but my mom asked if my dad was alert and aware of what was going on. He is (thank god) so she said it was his decision. He wants it back in. Thank god.

I am going down next week.