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serafina20My desk chair just broke! The back totally fell off! Fucking piece of crap. First, it's not all that comfortable, and now, it broke. Dammit.
I want a new morning routine. I want a place to go to get ready to start my day every morning. I want it to be related to the ocean (of course). Actually, what I want to do is to be able to go to the aquarium every morning and meander through the displays with my coffee, watching the parents who dragged their preschoolers out of bed at the crack of dawn to see the fishies or the seals get fed. I don't want to be one of them. I want to be an observer, who is sort of aloof and alone, that Lady who stands around and watches. The woman who sits in front of the otter display with her journal, scribbling away. And I want there to be pictures and little scraps of paper in the journal that fall out sometimes, and anyone walking behind me can see that I do a lot of stuff and go a lot of places. That even though I'm hanging out at an aquarium drinking coffee at eight o'clock on a Wednesday morning all by myself (wearing a hat, because in these fantasies, I've always got the coolest hats), I live this big, full life.
I don't want to turn into my aunt, though. That's basically who she is, except she's very self-centered. I don't want to be self-centered. I don't necessarily want to be alone my whole life (as far as we know, she's never had a girl or boyfriend in her adult life), but if I don't ever find someone to share my life with, I want to seem more interested in what my family is doing instead of acting like I'm just listening to them so they can be finished talking and we can turn the conversation back to me. I really think I need to work on that bit.
I want to move. Now, but I have to wait at least a year. I want to get out of where I grew up and go north, to where, as my mother pointed out, it rains more, but it's different. I really think I could use the change.
I want a new morning routine. I want a place to go to get ready to start my day every morning. I want it to be related to the ocean (of course). Actually, what I want to do is to be able to go to the aquarium every morning and meander through the displays with my coffee, watching the parents who dragged their preschoolers out of bed at the crack of dawn to see the fishies or the seals get fed. I don't want to be one of them. I want to be an observer, who is sort of aloof and alone, that Lady who stands around and watches. The woman who sits in front of the otter display with her journal, scribbling away. And I want there to be pictures and little scraps of paper in the journal that fall out sometimes, and anyone walking behind me can see that I do a lot of stuff and go a lot of places. That even though I'm hanging out at an aquarium drinking coffee at eight o'clock on a Wednesday morning all by myself (wearing a hat, because in these fantasies, I've always got the coolest hats), I live this big, full life.
I don't want to turn into my aunt, though. That's basically who she is, except she's very self-centered. I don't want to be self-centered. I don't necessarily want to be alone my whole life (as far as we know, she's never had a girl or boyfriend in her adult life), but if I don't ever find someone to share my life with, I want to seem more interested in what my family is doing instead of acting like I'm just listening to them so they can be finished talking and we can turn the conversation back to me. I really think I need to work on that bit.
I want to move. Now, but I have to wait at least a year. I want to get out of where I grew up and go north, to where, as my mother pointed out, it rains more, but it's different. I really think I could use the change.
