serafina20 | Book of Job

LOL!Cat style. (I found this on my harddrive; I wrote it ages ago, but I'm not sure if I posed it).

God: Hey, um, Satan. See that guy? The one always offering me stuff? What do you think of him?
Satan: Who, Job? Oh, he totally just wants stuff from you. He's just using you.
God: Nu-uh.
Satan: Uh-huh. Want me to prove it?
God: Sure.
Job: La-la, life is great.
Messenger: Uh, you know all those thousands of oxen and asses you had? And servants? Yeah, they're all dead.
Job: Wow. That sucks. But at least…
Messenger 2: Uh, you know your sheep and shepherds? They're not living anymore. They're pretty much dead.
Job: Huh. Unfortunate. Let's pray.
Messenger 3: Hey, Job. All your camels and the servants with them are dead. Brutally slaughter. It was awful, yo.
Job: Wow. This is not my day.
Messenger 4: Your sons and daughters were killed by this totally random tornado!
Job: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God, you've given and you've taken. I'm going to be naked now. And I'll pray and give you offerings because you are awesome.
God: TOLD YOU.
Satan: Let's make him not pretty. That'll do it.
God: OKAY. LET'S DO IT.
Job is uglified
Friends: We're gonna sit over here and not talk to you! In support!
Job: *weeps* Why am I not dead? Why did this happen? I didn't do nothing.
Friends: You totally must have.
Job: No, I didn't.
Friends: Yeah, you did. Only bad people have bad things happen.
Job: That's bullshit.
Friends: Huh. Maybe you're right.
Job: Why did you do this to me, God? It isn't fair. Why?
God: BECAUSE I AM AWESOME! AND WAY BETTER THAN YOU. AND YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND ANYWAY.
Job: Your words have convinced me of your justice. I take back those bad things I said about you being unfair.
God: COOL. WE ARE GOOD. HERE'S A NEW FAMILY FOR U. AND MORE STUFF.
Job: … asswipe