My synopsis
Nov. 21st, 2009 11:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafina20I'm working on the synopsis of my novel. From what I've read,it should be around 250 words. I'm at 485. Can anyone suggest what else can be cut out?
Dark Goddess is a 75,000 word paranormal thriller that centers around Kali Johnson, a 17 year old who discovers that she was the first vampire in her past life. Garrison Pike, a 150 year old priest, has sworn to kill her in revenge for the death of his brother. He had killed the vampire Kali and drained her blood, using it to increase his life so he could kill her when she was reincarnated.
Garrison kidnaps Kali in Southern, California. She escapes, leaping from his van while on the freeway and stumbles upon a vampire named Gabriel. He tries to take her to her Followers, but Garrison finds them. He brutally kills Gabriel and recaptures Kali. The next morning, Morgan finds them and tears Garrison's throat out. This back and forth is possible, Morgan explains, by the tracking spells both parties have on Kali. Kali passes out on seeing that Gabriel is alive.
Morgan tells Kali about her previous incarnation. She and Kali had been members of the same tribe. They were attacked and Kali tortured. She was eventually killed, but rose as a supernatural being who took vengeance on her murderers.
Gabriel takes Kali to the roof. A helicopter hovers over the mansion. A vampire leaps from it and attacks Gabriel. Gabriel tells Kali to run, but she rushes to help him. The vampire knocks her out.
When Kali awakens, she is in Oakland, California in the hands of Dante, a rogue vampire who has left Kali's Followers. He claims he has more power than them because he kills humans. In reality, the source of his power is a sorcerer named Sean, who is a captive of Dante's. Impressed by Kali's bravery, Sean helps her escape.
Kali makes it to San Francisco. A street kid named Araceli offers to help her when Garrison arrives. He threatens to shoot Araceli. Unwilling to let a child die to save herself, Kali agrees to go with him.
Garrison takes them to an abandoned church. Kali and Araceli try one last escape attempt that ends with Kali being shot. Garrison gives her Last Rites and kisses her before killing her. The Followers arrive and take Garrison into custody.
Kali awakens in heaven. She goes the Upper Beings, a vast array of Light that contain many gods. The Upper Beings offer to let her into Paradise, but Kali feels she needs return to earth. They send her back.
Now a vampire, Kali finds the Followers discussing what to do with Garrison. Kali stops the proceedings and tells Garrison that Gabriel killed his brother. Gabriel explains that Liam was a pedophile. Gabriel killed him to protect the children of the village. Kali asks Garrison to forgive her for keeping it secret and forgives him for killing her the first time. She kills him.
The novel closes with Kali preparing for the task of reuniting her people and taking down Dante.
Dark Goddess is a 75,000 word paranormal thriller that centers around Kali Johnson, a 17 year old who discovers that she was the first vampire in her past life. Garrison Pike, a 150 year old priest, has sworn to kill her in revenge for the death of his brother. He had killed the vampire Kali and drained her blood, using it to increase his life so he could kill her when she was reincarnated.
Garrison kidnaps Kali in Southern, California. She escapes, leaping from his van while on the freeway and stumbles upon a vampire named Gabriel. He tries to take her to her Followers, but Garrison finds them. He brutally kills Gabriel and recaptures Kali. The next morning, Morgan finds them and tears Garrison's throat out. This back and forth is possible, Morgan explains, by the tracking spells both parties have on Kali. Kali passes out on seeing that Gabriel is alive.
Morgan tells Kali about her previous incarnation. She and Kali had been members of the same tribe. They were attacked and Kali tortured. She was eventually killed, but rose as a supernatural being who took vengeance on her murderers.
Gabriel takes Kali to the roof. A helicopter hovers over the mansion. A vampire leaps from it and attacks Gabriel. Gabriel tells Kali to run, but she rushes to help him. The vampire knocks her out.
When Kali awakens, she is in Oakland, California in the hands of Dante, a rogue vampire who has left Kali's Followers. He claims he has more power than them because he kills humans. In reality, the source of his power is a sorcerer named Sean, who is a captive of Dante's. Impressed by Kali's bravery, Sean helps her escape.
Kali makes it to San Francisco. A street kid named Araceli offers to help her when Garrison arrives. He threatens to shoot Araceli. Unwilling to let a child die to save herself, Kali agrees to go with him.
Garrison takes them to an abandoned church. Kali and Araceli try one last escape attempt that ends with Kali being shot. Garrison gives her Last Rites and kisses her before killing her. The Followers arrive and take Garrison into custody.
Kali awakens in heaven. She goes the Upper Beings, a vast array of Light that contain many gods. The Upper Beings offer to let her into Paradise, but Kali feels she needs return to earth. They send her back.
Now a vampire, Kali finds the Followers discussing what to do with Garrison. Kali stops the proceedings and tells Garrison that Gabriel killed his brother. Gabriel explains that Liam was a pedophile. Gabriel killed him to protect the children of the village. Kali asks Garrison to forgive her for keeping it secret and forgives him for killing her the first time. She kills him.
The novel closes with Kali preparing for the task of reuniting her people and taking down Dante.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
264 words - does it help?
Date: 2009-11-22 06:02 pm (UTC)Kali learns about her previous incarnation from Morgan. They had been members of the same tribe. They were attacked and Kali tortured and killed.
Kali is kidnapped by Dante, a rogue vampire who left Kali's Followers. Kali’s fellow captive, a sorcerer named Sean, helps her escape.
After her escape, a street kid named Araceli offers to help her when Garrison finds her. He threatens to shoot Araceli, so Kali agrees to go with him.
Garrison takes them to an abandoned church. They try to escape but Garrison kills Kali. The Followers arrive and take Garrison into custody.
Kali awakens in heaven. She is offered entrance into Paradise by the Upper Beings, but Kali feels she needs return to earth. They send her back.
Now a vampire, Kali finds the Followers discussing what to do with Garrison. Kali tells Garrison that Gabriel killed his brother because he was a pedophile. Gabriel killed him to protect the children of the village. Kali asks Garrison to forgive her for keeping it secret and forgives him for killing her the first time. She kills him.
The novel closes with Kali preparing to reunite her people and take down Dante.
Re: 264 words - does it help?
Date: 2009-11-23 04:01 am (UTC)Since i have you here: One of the agents I'm submitting to said to submit a "detailed" synopsis. In your opinion, do you think that my original one would fit that description?