Serafina's Corner of the World

This is the second morning in a row that I've woken up kind of down. I don't want to do anything this morning. I usually exercise early, but I don't want to right now. Which is dangerous because I need to exercise to keep my mood stabilized. It would be so much easier if it wasn't raining every morning. I want sunshine. I want to warm up with a quick jog in the morning light. At least I get to go out in the afternoon for a walk. I shouldn't complain.

Good news on my dad. He's starting his immuno-therapy on Thursday. The crummy news is he needs an MRI on his back, which has been hurting for months now, and he doesn't do well with MRIs so will be sedated. But at least we're finally moving forward on treatment.

I started to have a panic attack last night, thinking that this will be my life for the foreseeable future. I averted it by reminding myself that I might start teaching online, which will help. But... I've worked really hard to become more social since this summer. I've got two Thursday groups I go to, plus my Sunday critique group, plus friends from one of the Thursday groups. But, now, it's all gone. I'm really afraid of slipping into old patterns. I was in a partial hospitalization program for my depression and anxiety last summer, and it did wonders. However, I'd rather not have to do it again because this derailed me.

I can get through this. I don't have it bad. I can still go outside. I've got my cats. I've got my family even if they're miles away. I can do this.

Hi all. I'm doing a lot better today than yesterday. I had a little meltdown last night and cried for a bit. I almost called a suicide hotline, but my anxiety wouldn't let me (I'm not suicidal, just lonely). Anyway, after I stopped crying, I watched The Untamed. Of course, it was a really sad episode. Xue Yang is an asshole (at least, I think that's the asshole I'm talking about. If they're not on all the time, I have trouble remember character names). But it helped.

I'm embarrassed to say that hugging my Rocket plushie I got from Disney World helped a lot, too.

So far today, I've exercised, watched some YouTube, and eaten breakfast. My school is having a Google Hangout meeting to talk about next steps and I'm also going to write.

here is my vlog about my day yesterday.

My county has been placed under "shelter in place". There are two confirmed cases in the county now. Does that make us Madagascar in this game of pandemic? No. Madagascar would have shut down before this. Anyway, I can still go outside for walks, still shop for food. I don't know if I can drive to the beach to run like I did today. I hope I can.

Anyway. Here's my vlog for today: Self-isolation Vlog day 2