Serafina's Corner of the World

Turns out I can't just file the serial numbers off my SV story "Pirate" and make it a novel because it needs things like motives, characterization, and a plot. Also, a better beginning, more fleshed out middle, and exciting ending.

WTF did I get myself into?

I have shown the first 5 episodes of the "Untamed" to another living being. And she says she'll watch more. Yay!

Also, the more I rewatch this show, the more I think my second favorite character, after Wei Wuxian, is Murder Dimples.

Once upon a time, I wrote a Watchmen fic about an incredibly fucked up OFC who crossed Rorschach's path. As all my fics do, it ended up being very long and the OFC somehow ended up married to Adrian Veidt after the events of the movie (it was movie canon) ended. Married and leaving him after she found out what he did.

I have never intended to write a sequel because, honestly, it'd be depressing.

But now I have an almost complete outline in my head. The problem is it's not a story. It's 100% me work out my stress, anxiety, and frustration about my pulmonary embolism. Which would be fine if I didn't know myself, because I 100% will post it.

Also, I'm talking to my psychiatrist on Tuesday about possibly going on leave for work and I'm trying to get on a waiting list for a partial-hospitalization program for therapy. Because I am fucked up beyond measure and need to get my head straight before I trust myself in with kids. Also, I don't want to teach anymore.

If anyone wants to relive the good old days, here's a YouTube vid about Ms Scribe

The Madness

Also, I am bored. I've been sick for a week and a half. I do have my book back from the editor, but my mind is like swiss cheese and I can't concentrate on anything, so...

BORED.

1. My head is numb because I just got two shots in it. For muscle relief in my neck. Why the shots weren't in my neck is a question that was not answered.

2. I finished draft 3 of my novel and IT IS AWESOME!!!!!!

I've got an original occult detective story about a vampire detective and the dame who almost gets her killed. Anyone want to read and tell me what they think?

ETA July 19: Yes, I see the typo in the subject line.

I posted on a C Evan's fan instagram yesterday and, since then, Chris Evans himself has DM'd me at least 6 times. It's weird how he keeps making new accounts after I blocked him, but whatever. Flattering, right?

*eyeroll*

Ever since my dad died and crying in bed has become a regular thing, my oldest baby, Brycee, has crawled onto my lap the moment I start crying and comforted me.

Last night, I burst into tears (not only missing my dad, but the anxiety of going back to in person school got to me). Brycee immediately stopped what she was doing and rushed to my side....

Only to find that Cobbler was already there. Now, Cobbler has no clue about me or my emotions; he'd snagged a soft spot on the pillow. But Brcyee could not figure out how to get over him and onto me. She finally gave up and went back to the end of the bed, but she was clearly tense and unhappy until I finally went to be.

I love her so much.

I feel like I've completely shut down. I mean, I've done stuff today. I posted a YouTube video. I've revised stuff for critique group. I've eaten.I showered, finally. But I can't get off the couch, can't do anything but cross-stitch and watch YouTube. I don't want to watch TFATWS because I don't think I can process it right now.

I feel broken.

ETA Talked to Melody at the National Suicide Prevention hotline and she helped put things in perspective. I felt a bit like Robin Hood in "Men in Tights" while listing all the thing that have happened recently (ie since my dad die) and she was like, "And... you're stressing over resting on the couch? Sounds like you need it. Give yourself the rest you need."

I also did a meditation, which helped some of my brain fog. I wish it was Monday, though, because I've got an appointment with my therapist.