Fic: Cellie

[serafina20]

Title: Cellie
Author: serafina20
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Michael/Mahone
Summary: Four months into his sentence for the murder of Oscar Shales, Alexander Mahone gets a new cellie.



Dinner was a crowded affair. People who hadn't gotten to hear the story of Michael's escape before the attack wasted no time in cozying up now. Michael was kept so busy recounting his story and contradicting the rumors that had sprung up in his absence ("No, I didn't fly over the wall. No, I didn't blow up the wall. No, we did not lock the guards in our cells") that he barely touched his dinner. Considering, he, like Alex, was on a special diet to help gain the weight he'd lost in the attack, this was not good. Alex found himself continually drawing Michael's attention back. Not that it worked. They ended up being the last people in the room, not allowed to leave until their plates were clean.

"I see your celebrity hasn't faded," Alex said, sipping at his Ensure.

Michael shrugged. "They'll lose interest. They just didn't have enough time to last time, and then people started making stuff up about the escape. That's all." He delicately took a bite of meat loaf. "Is it just me, or is this stuff actually worse than the normal food?"

Alex, his plate clean, rested his hand on his cheek and gazed at Michael. "I don't think I've ever met a more finicky eater than you."

He rolled his eyes. Took a bite of meat loaf that'd been drenched in gravy. Alex actually liked it, but Michael's nose wrinkled as he chewed.

"What?"

"I don't like biting into onion slices," he said. "It's gross." He stabbed the meat loaf, separating it. Then, slowly and meticulously, he began to pick the onions from meat, destroying the meat in the process.

"You ladies think you might finish this up tonight?" the guard asked.

"Yes, boss," Michael answered, popping the tiniest piece of onion-free meat into his mouth.

This continued on for some time. Michael systematically went through his portion of meat until all that was left was a pile of sliced onions drenched in gravy. This he scraped it to the side and turned to his vegetables.

Which he ate one at a time.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Alex groaned. He rested his head on the table.

"You don't have to wait," Michael said around a limp green bean. "I don't want to keep you or anything."

"Like I'm leaving you alone ever again. Seems like every time I turn my back on you, something happens."

Michael finished the vegetables and moved on to his rice. "You can't stay with me every minute of every day for the rest of our lives. Not only would it be unhealthy, but I don't want you to."

Alex rubbed his eyes. "I know. I..."

"I need to know I can be on my own." He looked up, eyes so incredibly blue beneath his pitch black lashes. "And I need to know that you know I can be on my own. That I'm not weak or something you need to protect."

He let out a heavy sigh. Nodded. "I know," he whispered. "And I want to give it to you." He pressed his fingertips against Michael's arm. "But still too new for me. You being back. Trying to process what happened. And, at least for tonight, I don't want to force it. I just want to stay with you."

"That's real sweet, Alex, but could you get your boy to fucking eat!" the guard practically shouted in his ear.

The both jumped. Michael quickly turned back to his food. In mere seconds, he'd finished off his rice and pudding. He downed his Ensure quickly, then slammed it back on the table, wiping off his mouth with the back of his hand. "Done, boss. Sorry."

"Just get out of here."

They walked together out of the dining hall and back to the cell. Alex began digging through the dresser for his shower kit. When the CO called, he glanced at Michael.

"Aren't you coming?"

Michael shook his head. "I showered this morning."

He hesitated at the opening of the cell. "So... you're going to shower tomorrow morning?"

"Naw, I think I'm good until tomorrow night."

"All right," he said. "I..." He stopped what he'd been going to say and joined the line for the showers.

Michael was reading when Alex got back. Reading and dressed for bed, already under the covers.

"Tired all ready?" Alex said, stowing his gear.

"A little." He stretched and crawled out of bed. "Want to play chess?"

"Sure."

The game was unremarkable. Michael won right before lights out. And then they sat, staring at each other in the darkness.

"We should probably get some sleep," Alex said.

Michael nodded. "Yeah." He slid his hand across the table. Laced their fingers together. "Except, I'm not really all that tired. Are you?"

Alex just stared at Michael, his mouth dry.

Michael rose. Tugged Alex with him. Climbed onto his bunk and scooted back, leaving room.

"You said you were tired earlier. What changed?" Alex climbed into bed. Wrapped his arms around Michael's waist.

"You're here now. I was tired when you were in the shower." He leaned in and kissed Alex. "I always feel tired when you're not around. I practically slept the whole month we were apart."

Alex threaded his fingers through Michael's hair. Twisted the strands as he pressed their mouths together.

Michael's mouth parted under his. Tongue came out and gently brushed against Alex's. And again. Deeper, his entire body getting into it. Hands clutched at Alex's shoulders, a strong thigh slid between his own. And then they were really kissing, hot, messy, breathless kisses. All over, not just his mouth, and Michael was sucking on his earlobe, mouthing along his neck.

"Jesus, I've missed you so fucking much," Alex growled into Michael's neck. He licked long his collarbone. Kissed the soft skin at the junction where his collarbones met.

"Me too," Michael said, a hard moan at the edge of his voice. He rocked his hips into Alex, his hard length pressing against Alex's. "Wanted you so much. Just wanted to get back, here."

Alex slipped his hands underneath Michael's shirt. Stroked down his sides.

Michael jerked back. "Don't."

"What?"

He shook his head. Came in for another kiss. "Just don't." Kissed him again. And again until Alex didn't remember what they'd been talking about, just that Michael's body was warm and alive and his mouth so sinfully perfect.

"God," Alex groaned. Sucked on Michael's bottom lip. Slid his hand under the front of Michael's shirt and pet the soft skin. Over and over and...

Michael shoved him. "Stop it!"

Alex blinked. Pushed himself up. "What?"

"What, you want to see them? That's what you want?" he demanded, face twisted.

"What are you talking about?"

"You keep touching them, I assume it's because all you really want is to see them."

"See what?" Alex asked, seriously afraid Michael's personality had split.

Michael rolled his eyes and yanked off his pajama top. "There," he said, climbing out of bed. He spread his arms. "There, look. Look all you want."

Alex moved to the edge of the bunk. Looked up at Michael in confusion. "I don't understand."

"You need to see the scars on my dick too?" Michael moved to take off his bottoms.

Alex caught his hands. "I wasn't thinking about the scars."

"Bullshit."

"I wasn't."

"Then why did you keep touching them?"

"It was an accident. I didn't think. I couldn't even feel them."

Michael snorted. His chin was trembling.

Alex exhaled slowly. Reached out and took Michael gently by the wrists. Pulled him closer until he could see more of Michael's torso than blackness.

At first he saw nothing but the blue spider web of lines. Pale skin beneath. Ribs that stood starkly against the too-thin frame.

He started to shake his head when he saw it. A thin portion of raised flesh, off color from the rest. So slight and spare he never would have noticed had he not been looking. Lines that ran from Michel's back, over his sides, and down the front until they dipped underneath the waistband of his pants. Permanent testaments of what had been done to him.

"I'm sorry, Michael," Alex said. He looked up. "I didn't realize what I was doing. I just wanted to touch you."

Michael didn't say anything. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth and chewed on it.

"Is this why you didn't want to take a shower? You didn't want me to see the scars?"

He shrugged.

"It doesn't matter to me." He put his hands on Michael's hips. "I'd hoped it wouldn't matter to you. Not like this."

"I didn't think it did." His voice cracked. "I don't want it to."

Alex leaned forward. Kissed Michael's stomach. Up his sternum. Back down, laving his tongue over a nipple. Down the curving slope of a rib. Up the thin line of a scar.

At that, Michael gasped. Fell forward, bracing himself against the top bunk.

Gripping Michael's hips tighter, Alex continued his exploration. He kissed and nibbled along the wing. Up a crest of the window. Down the scar again. Over the gentle indent of his navel, which had Michael against gasping. Thrusting hips forward, the bulge of his cock rubbing against Alex's chin.

He ignored it. Continued moving, kissing. Tasting. Continuing up, up, up until he was sucking along the beautiful neck. Rising, kissing over the jaw. To full lips, already opened and panting. Wet and pliant and Alex just kissed him, hand cradling Michael's head in his hands. Walking him back and they were against the wall again, moving against one another. There was a bed behind them, and it definitely would have been more comfortable to lay back down but, right now, right here, rocking against one another, Michael's thigh between his legs, Michael's hands clutching at him, Alex didn't want to move.

"Alex," Michael keened suddenly, burying his face into Alex's neck. "Oh God." He sobbed, arms tightening. Coming, but shaking, shaking out of control, holding him so tight.

"Come on, Michael. Come here." Alex pulled Michael back to bed, laid him out. He quickly went to the sink, grabbed a washcloth. He wet it and came back. "Here."

Michael took the cloth and turned his back to Alex. Alex looked away as Michael cleaned himself, then took the rag when it was handed to him. Then he came back and climbed into bed with Michael.

"I'm sorry," Michael whispered.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I turned our reunion into..." He broke off, jaw tightening. Then he said, "You didn't even come."

"I imagine I will one day." He leaned in and kissed Michael. "I did earlier."

"You're not going to make me go back, right? I really don't want to go back."

"What am I going to say? I think you should go back to the psych ward because you're squeamish about having sex? Oh, yeah, that'll go over well. They'll think I'm forcing you."

"I doubt it. Dr. Parsons already know. And I think after the major freak out I just had, everyone else does, too. " He frowned. "I'm sorry."

Alex kissed him. "Don't be. We'll be fine." Kissed him again, not wanting to break away from the beautiful and sensuous lips.

Michael finally pulled away and yawned. His yawn provoked an answering yawn in Alex.

"Okay. Sleep time." Alex kissed him again, then moved to climb out of bed.

"No. Stay."

"You sure?"

He nodded. "If it's okay with you."

Alex nodded. Stroked Michael's hair and settled back into bed next to Michael. "All right." He kissed Michael lightly. "Good-night, Michael."

"Good-night."

* * *

Alex hovered the next morning. Not that he hadn't expected it, but it was still annoying. He didn't need a bodyguard, he didn't need a protector. He needed a boyfriend. Friend. Friend, not boyfriend. Alex didn't... he wasn't...

But what else was Michael supposed to think? They weren't quite lovers, and besides, Michael couldn't see himself calling anyone that. They weren't just friends, not with the sexual tension between them. Boyfriend was closest thing to call him.

The hovering was annoying.

As was the fact that, despite last night, Michael wasn't ready for Alex to see him naked. Getting through his first shower with the others was hard enough; Michael's heart had been in his throat the entire time. Luckily, he'd been given space, allowed to take the back corner of the showers all alone, everyone else a good few feet away. Michael wasn't positive why this had occurred, but he suspected Ricky, who was showering as well, had something to do with it. He just wasn't entirely sure why.

Breakfast was eggs, cottage cheese, fruit, and a muffin with blueberries in it.

"You have got to be kidding me," Alex said when Michael began to tear the muffin apart and pick out the blueberries.

"What you doing, Blueprints?" Jacks asked, stopping whatever he'd been talking about.

He sighed. "I don't like blueberries in my muffins," he said. He added another berry to the pile. "I always feel like I'm eating bugs."

"Gotta lot of experience with that, do you?" Alex said.

Michael flicked a blueberry at him. "What's going on with Ricky?" he asked, glancing over to where the other man was sitting. Alone, oddly enough, even though there were still members of the mob in Gen Pop.

"He's been hanging by himself since his brother got transferred," Sammy said. "Still has mob protection an everything. But he's not talking to no one anymore."

"Why?"

"Did FBI tell you about him and his brother?" asked Jacks.

Michael looked over at Alex.

He sighed. "Nicky's been sexually abusing him. He raped Ricky just before he attacked you. And I talked with an old friend from the department yesterday, got a look at Ricky's medical records. It's been going along for a long time. Seems that Nicky is very possessive over his brother. Doesn't want other people getting too close."

The world shifted so violently, Michael had to grab onto the table. His stomach felt abruptly hollow and there was a sour taste in his throat.

"He...I, uh... he..."

"Michael, calm down." Alex tried to grab his hand.

He pulled it back, the mere touch scorching him. "I can't..." He rose. Tripped over the bench trying to get out.

"Michael..." Alex crouched next to him, but Michael pulled away again.

"I need to go."

"You can't..."

But he wasn't listening. Just stumbling away as quickly as he could, blindly trying to just get away. Figure it all out. Think. He couldn't stay...

"Scofield! Where you think you going?"

Michael stopped. Blinked, trying to figure out where he was.

"You ain't supposed to leave the dining hall until someone's approved your plate," the guard said, approaching him. Then, on getting a closer look, he frowned. "You okay? You need to go to the infirmary?"

"No. No, I'm fine," Michael said, swallowing. He braced himself against the wall and shook his head. "I'm just a... just a...I just need to lay down, that's all."

"Doc says you need to eat all that food they give ya."

He shook his head. "I can't. Not right now. I'll just throw it back up."

"Then you need to go to the infirmary."

"Fine. I'll go to the infirmary."

Dr. Parsons was at the front desk when the CO brought Michael in. He looked up from his paperwork, mouth creasing in a thin line when he saw who it was.

"Thanks, Seth. I'll take him," he said to the guard. He took Michael by the shoulder and led him to a nearby room. "What's going on?"

Michael shook his head to protest, but his eyes were full of tears. "I'm just, uh. I'm just having problems adjusting, I guess," he said. "I... Last night, I was with Alex and I just freaked out at him. Accused him of having some kind of scar fetish or something. And now they tell me about Ricky and his brother. And that Nicky did this to me because... because he was jealous? And he was hurting Ricky. Raped him. And it was because of me."

"No, Michael, it wasn't," Parsons interrupted smoothly. "Nicholas Esposito is a very sick man. What he did to Ricky has nothing to do with you."

"But he was jealous of me. Because Ricky wanted me. And I don't even know why."

"Here." Dr. Parsons handed him a tissue.

Michael wiped his eyes and his nose. "I know I'm overreacting. But hearing this. Knowing that I had something to do with it. And that I wasn't attacked because I turned down their offer of protection. It makes sense suddenly, you know?" He wiped his nose again. "The attack was so vicious. So personal. This is why. It was a territorial war." He felt his face crumple. "I was in the way."

"Again, no. Nicky is sick."

"I'm sick. I can't... I don't want Alex to see me naked."

"You've just barely become able to see yourself naked again," Parsons pointed out. "You're still reclaiming yourself and your body. Maybe it's just not time for you to offer it to someone else yet."

"But he expects it. Expects that now I'm back, it means I'm better. And we can have sex."

"Does he expect it, or do you think he expects it and are pushing boundaries that you're not quite ready to push yet?"

Michael sighed. Crumpled the tissue in his hand. Wiped his eyes once again. "I don't know. I don't feel like he and I have done anything I'm not ready for. Except when he touched my scars and I freaked. But when we were just kissing and... uh, stuff. It felt good. Right. But when I think of being naked and him seeing me, I just... feel sick."

"Have you told him that?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to hurt his feelings."

"Michael," Parsons said in a chastising tone. "Alex is crazy about you. And he only wants what's best. He wouldn't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. If you're uncomfortable being naked around him right now, tell him. And then, the two of you can work on it. Together. At your pace." He handed Michael another tissue. "And as for Ricky and his brother, you have to remember that they've got a history that stretches back to the womb. Whatever abuse Nicky's done is independent of you. Even if he was jealous, raping his brother, attacking his brother's potential lover... it's something that would have happened anyway."

"But not to me," he whispered.

"No. Not to you, perhaps. You were victim of circumstance, Michael. It was personal on Nicky's end, yes, but you can't blame yourself. Or Ricky. All this pain, that was Nicky's doing. Not your fault."

"I know." But the sick, scared feeling wouldn't go away.

There was a knock at the door. It opened and a nurse stuck his head in. "Doctor? We need you."

"Okay, just give me a moment." The door closed again. "You going to be okay alone, Michael?"

"Yeah." He sighed and glanced over at the cot nestled against the wall. "Can I lie down for a bit?"

"Of course. Oh, did you finish your breakfast?"

He shook his head.

"I'll see if I can get something up here. You really can't afford to lose weight, Michael. You need to eat."

"Yes, Dr. Parsons."

"Rest. I'll be back." He got up and left the room.

Michael crawled onto the cot. Pulled the blanket around him and tried to find some relief in oblivion for just a little while.

Comments

[brushed-velvet.livejournal.com]

Oh poor Michael, wanting it all so much but not ready... you write his pain so well and Alex's confusion was so heartfelt and yay for Dr Parsons for talking so much sense.

Another beautiful chapter.

[the-t-blogger.livejournal.com]

Great chapter...you always update so quickly..im always so happy to see a new chapter. I too love how you deal with all michaels reactions. this was a very well done chapter and an amazing story...

[laminy.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, Michael breaks my heart. I'm happy to know I'm not the only person who picks at their food, although I suspect it's for different reasons. You write Michael so well, all his emotions and his ups and downs, this is just like, beautiful.

[barush.livejournal.com]

awww, poor Michael...
It just so perfectly fits that he'd think he's responsible for what happened to Ricky. And I hope Alex will understand his fears and won't force him to anything:)
really love it:)

[deadbeat-nymph.livejournal.com]

I love this chapter. Michael's interactions with both Alex and Dr. Parsons seem spot-on. And I love how you write both of them. The friction between Michael and Alex works well, and although the confusion-driven angst is upsetting, it has a very natural feel. And Dr. Parsons is almost too kind, but for some reason it seems perfectly realistic. :) Maybe it's because you've fleshed him out a bit as an actual character and not just as a function of the plot.

It's good to see that you've continued Michael's progress in a natural way. I was kind of afraid after the last chapter that you might be rushing through that narrative a bit, so I'm very happy to see that you're still dealing with Michael's development. Of course he'd still have anxiety problems, especially concerning sexy things, but you've done well to show us that he's progressing without having him all cured and better. It's not like flicking a switch. We still see that contrast between Michael's vulnerability and his strength - like you said, he's a strong man who's been hurt badly, and that's exactly how he comes off.

[tabularassa.livejournal.com]

Michael is just so precious. I want to give him a hug...lol. You are writing such a lovely and beautiful story. Thank you!

[pellamerethiel.livejournal.com]

Really fantastic chapter! I love the way you write the both of them and was really stunned by the bunk scene and Michael's freaking out. Poor Michael. *pets him* And I'm glad that dr Parsons is such a great man, it's really something. And yeah, he's right, Alex's crazy about his precious little cellie.♥ :D

[pamalax.livejournal.com]

Hey there... While I tend to be a lurker on big multi part stories until the are completed I wanted to pop in here now and let you know how much I am enjoying this story.

Great stuff.

I'm thoroughly enjoying each chapter and looking very forward to more.

[soft-princess.livejournal.com]

*squishes Michael so very tightly*

God, I love this story. I love Alex and Michael, and the whole setting you've created. It's awesome.

*hugs*

cellie

[pbwhisperer.livejournal.com]

Glad to see new chapters. this is such an engrossing story.

[niektete.livejournal.com]

It's very nice of you to update so often; I need my Cellie fix with regular intervals ;)

[tuesdaeschild.livejournal.com]

I've just caught up with the last two chapters and WOW!! What a great read they both were!

Poor Michael is so very messed up in his head no wonder poor Alex is confused. And I feel enormous sympathy for Ricky and full marks for having the insight to know that Michael being the way he is would want to take on all the guilt for what happened.

Still loving the story so much...and I see there's another part up!

Thank you!
*hugs*

[interpretthis.livejournal.com]

Wonderful. Dealing very well with Michael's anxiety. Well I of course don't like seeing either of my boys hurt, this definitely rings true, and they're dealing with it nicely. Michael feeling as if Ricky's rape was all his fault was heartbreaking and beautiful. Just the sort of thing he'd do. Great job.

[npetrenko.livejournal.com]

That was great.