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serafina20Seriously, though. I'm not exactly writing the sequel right now. I'm working on revising the Kal/Morgan prequel and writing COTW 47. But the previous scene was unfinished, so...
Warning: It's really schmoopy and angsty. But Lex is having a lot of issues right now.
Sleep ebbed from Lex like a wave from the shore. He clung to it, desperately, trying to draw the heaviness back over him and disappear into dreams, but, despite his efforts, he found himself wide-awake.
He sighed and rolled onto his stomach. This had been happening more and more over the past few weeks. Sleeplessness. Irregular sleeping patterns. Staring at the ceiling until dawn, and then falling asleep at his desk at the Planet around two and then repeating the cycle. And it wasn't always because of Clark. In fact, it had nothing to do with either Clark or Superman, who managed to slip into their bedroom like a ghost after his midnight patrols.
No. This insomnia was tied with something else. Depression or anxiety or just plain being overworked and undersexed. Or, overworked and oversexed. That was it. He was working to hard and screwing Clark too much, and his body was beginning to think he didn't need sleep.
Lex turned his head and opened his eyes. Next to him, Clark was stretched out on his back, fast asleep. He was shirtless, as usual; one hand was thrown over his head, the other resting on his stomach. His breathing was soft and even, his mouth open, eyelashes resting against his cheeks and black curls tumbling around his face.
He was so beautiful. The most beautiful man Lex had ever seen, had ever slept with.
Had ever loved. And he did love, Clark. He loved everything about Clark, from his crooked teeth to the ugly glasses that he used to hide from the world. He loved Clark's laugh and the way he chewed his bottom lip when he was thinking. He loved Clark so much it hurt sometimes just to look at him.
A breeze blew in through the open window. It caressed Lex's back gently, teasing goosebumps from his skin, making him shiver. There was a song on the breeze, wafting up from the apartment below them.
*Do you love me
As I love you.
Are you my life to be
my dream come true*
Lex snorted softly and reached out to brush his hand over Clark's stomach. Clark stirred, a crinkle appearing over his eyes.
Holding his breath, Lex waited until Clark rolled onto his side and relaxed back into sleep. Then, he resumed his light exploration of Clark's skin and whispered, "Are you my life to be, my dream come true?"
"Yes," Clark answered, startling Lex. The beautiful blue-green eyes opened, glinting in the moonlight.
Lex swallowed hard, entwining his fingers in Clark's. "Or will this dream of mine fade out of sight?" he continued the song, voice almost nonexistent.
"Never."
"Like the moon growing dim..."
"Lex..."
"On the rim of the hill..."
"Baby, please..."
"In the chill, still..."
"Marry me."
Words and breath died in Lex's throat. His fingers froze in Clark's, and his very heart seemed to stop beating.
Clark licked his lips, looking suddenly unsure. "Lex?" Gentle fingers brushed over Lex's lips, and then Clark said, "Babe, breathe," more urgently.
On command, Lex exhaled the breath he'd been holding. The air he sucked in raked painfully down his chest, but he ignored it. Ignored the pain, because the ringing in his ears was pretty much all he could concentrate on right now. "Clark," he said, finally finding his voice. "Did you just ask me to marry you?"
A relieved smile broke over Clark's face. "Yes, I did."
He pulled away and sat up. "God dammit, Clark." Lex rubbed his eyes as he climbed out of bed.
"What?"
"You fucking asked me to marry you because I happened to get maudlin, that's what. Jesus Christ. You can't just *do* that." He went to the window and looked out, arms crossed tightly over his chest. Anger seethed in his chest, as well as something that was very close to terror.
"That's not why I asked," Clark said quietly. "I mean, maybe that's why I asked *now*, but it’s not the only reason. You know how we're going out to dinner tomorrow night?"
Lex turned and looked at Clark.
Clark smiled and shrugged. His skin was flushed and he looked embarrassed as he said, "I was going to ask you tomorrow." He rose. "Lex, I knew I wanted to marry you the moment I met you. I swear." Clark was in front of him now, hands on Lex's shoulders, smoothing over his skin. His eyes were wide and earnest and just a little bit scared. "I know that scares you, Lex. I know *I* scare you, but you have to believe me when I say I love you. I'm not going anywhere, and I'll do anything to prove that to you."
"You don't have to marry me, Clark."
"I *want* to marry you." Clark squeezed Lex's shoulders comfortingly. "I want to. But, even if you say no, I'll stay if you want me to."
Lex swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. Trembling inside, he slid his hands up Clark's bare chest, feeling how solid and alive and *real* Clark was. They'd been together a year, and already Clark had treated him better than any lover ever had. Any person ever had. Every day, Lex asked himself what he'd done to deserve this, and come up with nothing. Every day he waited for Clark to leave, to get angry with him, or tired or *something*, but he never did. He was always there, putting up with Lex as he tried to put himself back together again.
He hated that he'd shattered in the first place. For ten years, he'd been fine. Okay, yes, he'd lost his father, and tried to kill himself. He'd had periods of depression so dark he hadn't had the energy to get out of bed. But he'd been fine. Surviving.
And then Clark came and turned his world upside down. In a good way, really. Meeting Clark had been like finding the missing piece of himself. He'd begun to believe that maybe, maybe it would work, and he was normal, and everything would be fine.
And then, he'd found the truth. He wasn't really a Luthor. He was Morgan Edge's son.
Lex didn't think Clark truly understood how traumatic this was for him. His entire life, everything about him seemed wrong suddenly. Everything he thought he knew about himself, about his family was wrong, and he didn't know how to handle it. He wanted to be able to. He wished he was strong enough to accept it, to move on, but he couldn’t. He seemed to be stuck in Morgan's apartment with a file in his hand that said Lionel had been planning to kill Lex and replace him with a clone. He was stuck reading that file as Morgan told him in a voice that was almost frightened, and almost loving, "You're my son."
Maybe Lex was supposed to be able to get over it, but he couldn't. He wanted to, but it was impossible. And he knew that if he didn't, Clark would eventually leave him, proposal or not.
"I don't want you to go," Lex whispered.
"No." Clark pulled Lex to him and kissed him. "I won't ever leave you." He held Lex carefully, as if afraid he'd break.
His body was so warm, and he was so strong. Lex's eyes fell shut and he rested against Clark, lulled by the steady thrum of his heartbeat.
Lex licked his lips. "Clark," he whispered against Clark's chest. "I... I want to marry you. But I'm afraid to say yes."
"I want you never to be afraid to say anything to me," Clark whispered. He kissed the top of Lex's head.
His heart was pounding so hard, Lex felt sick. His blood had been replaced by sparkling water, and he couldn’t feel his fingers. He swallowed hard. "Can I.... Can I give you my answer at dinner?"
Clark tilted Lex's head so he could look into his eyes. "You can give me your answer tomorrow, next week, next year, in ten years, whenever. I'll always want to marry you."
"Clark..."
"My parents met at college. Mom saw my father and thought he was cute, so she asked to borrow his notes for class. And he gave them to her, no questions asked. When she pointed out that he didn't know her, and he didn't know she'd return them, he told her that he liked to believe in people. And Mom told me that, in that moment, she thought, 'God, I hope he marries me.' And that she thought that every day of her life." Clark moved with Lex in his arms and sat on the window ledge. His hands were warm on Lex's hips as Clark gazed up at him, legs framing Lex's body. "My mom almost left my dad the summer I ran away. She was going to leave him for me." Clark smiled in self-deprecation. "I couldn’t let that happen, so I moved back to Smallville with them and, a year later, for their anniversary, convinced them to renew their vows. I had money from Morgan, and I used some of it to throw them this huge renewal ceremony. And Mom told the story during the ceremony, and I couldn’t help think how much I wanted to meet someone who did that to me. Who, even when he was a jerk, or crabby or tried to push me away and I was angry and hurt and wanted to leave, still made me think with all my heart, 'God, I hope he marries me.'"
"Clark..."
"When we first met, I thought you were beautiful. I knew you were going to be, I'd seen pictures, and had that crush on you from reading your articles. But I didn't seriously think you'd mean this much to me until you asked if I wanted to get something to eat. Remember that? After Perry introduced us?"
"I remember."
"I said yes, and then you, very casually and regally told me it was my treat. You were such a jerk, and you meant to be a jerk. It was so adorable. Remember?"
"Yes," Lex whispered.
Clark grinned, his finger caressing Lex's jaw. "The moment the words crossed your lips, I thought, 'God. I hope he marries me.' And I've been thinking that ever since." He took Lex's hand and kissed the palm. "God, I hope you marry me," he whispered. His lips caressed the delicate skin on the inside of Lex's wrist as he whispered the words again, imprinting them into Lex's soul.
Lex ached.
"I know there's a chance you're never going to be ready," Clark said. His raised his eyes again, and they seemed to glow in the moonlight. "I hope you marry me, but if you don't, I'll understand. My life is complete because you let me into yours. Whatever you choose to give me is always going to be enough."
Lex kissed Clark desperately, tugging at his hair. "I feel like I should be perfectly happy with you in my life."
"I know. I wish I could heal that hurt, baby, but I can't. You have to find how to do that. All I can do is help."
"I'm scared of therapy. Scared of reliving it all."
"I know." Clark kissed him, hand at the nape of Lex's neck. "But I'm always here. And I love you." His lips were warm and comforting, tongue tender. "You're my life to be, Lex. My dream come true. And I swear to you I will *never* fade away."
And, in the still of the night, while the world slept around them, Lex truly believed.
Warning: It's really schmoopy and angsty. But Lex is having a lot of issues right now.
Sleep ebbed from Lex like a wave from the shore. He clung to it, desperately, trying to draw the heaviness back over him and disappear into dreams, but, despite his efforts, he found himself wide-awake.
He sighed and rolled onto his stomach. This had been happening more and more over the past few weeks. Sleeplessness. Irregular sleeping patterns. Staring at the ceiling until dawn, and then falling asleep at his desk at the Planet around two and then repeating the cycle. And it wasn't always because of Clark. In fact, it had nothing to do with either Clark or Superman, who managed to slip into their bedroom like a ghost after his midnight patrols.
No. This insomnia was tied with something else. Depression or anxiety or just plain being overworked and undersexed. Or, overworked and oversexed. That was it. He was working to hard and screwing Clark too much, and his body was beginning to think he didn't need sleep.
Lex turned his head and opened his eyes. Next to him, Clark was stretched out on his back, fast asleep. He was shirtless, as usual; one hand was thrown over his head, the other resting on his stomach. His breathing was soft and even, his mouth open, eyelashes resting against his cheeks and black curls tumbling around his face.
He was so beautiful. The most beautiful man Lex had ever seen, had ever slept with.
Had ever loved. And he did love, Clark. He loved everything about Clark, from his crooked teeth to the ugly glasses that he used to hide from the world. He loved Clark's laugh and the way he chewed his bottom lip when he was thinking. He loved Clark so much it hurt sometimes just to look at him.
A breeze blew in through the open window. It caressed Lex's back gently, teasing goosebumps from his skin, making him shiver. There was a song on the breeze, wafting up from the apartment below them.
*Do you love me
As I love you.
Are you my life to be
my dream come true*
Lex snorted softly and reached out to brush his hand over Clark's stomach. Clark stirred, a crinkle appearing over his eyes.
Holding his breath, Lex waited until Clark rolled onto his side and relaxed back into sleep. Then, he resumed his light exploration of Clark's skin and whispered, "Are you my life to be, my dream come true?"
"Yes," Clark answered, startling Lex. The beautiful blue-green eyes opened, glinting in the moonlight.
Lex swallowed hard, entwining his fingers in Clark's. "Or will this dream of mine fade out of sight?" he continued the song, voice almost nonexistent.
"Never."
"Like the moon growing dim..."
"Lex..."
"On the rim of the hill..."
"Baby, please..."
"In the chill, still..."
"Marry me."
Words and breath died in Lex's throat. His fingers froze in Clark's, and his very heart seemed to stop beating.
Clark licked his lips, looking suddenly unsure. "Lex?" Gentle fingers brushed over Lex's lips, and then Clark said, "Babe, breathe," more urgently.
On command, Lex exhaled the breath he'd been holding. The air he sucked in raked painfully down his chest, but he ignored it. Ignored the pain, because the ringing in his ears was pretty much all he could concentrate on right now. "Clark," he said, finally finding his voice. "Did you just ask me to marry you?"
A relieved smile broke over Clark's face. "Yes, I did."
He pulled away and sat up. "God dammit, Clark." Lex rubbed his eyes as he climbed out of bed.
"What?"
"You fucking asked me to marry you because I happened to get maudlin, that's what. Jesus Christ. You can't just *do* that." He went to the window and looked out, arms crossed tightly over his chest. Anger seethed in his chest, as well as something that was very close to terror.
"That's not why I asked," Clark said quietly. "I mean, maybe that's why I asked *now*, but it’s not the only reason. You know how we're going out to dinner tomorrow night?"
Lex turned and looked at Clark.
Clark smiled and shrugged. His skin was flushed and he looked embarrassed as he said, "I was going to ask you tomorrow." He rose. "Lex, I knew I wanted to marry you the moment I met you. I swear." Clark was in front of him now, hands on Lex's shoulders, smoothing over his skin. His eyes were wide and earnest and just a little bit scared. "I know that scares you, Lex. I know *I* scare you, but you have to believe me when I say I love you. I'm not going anywhere, and I'll do anything to prove that to you."
"You don't have to marry me, Clark."
"I *want* to marry you." Clark squeezed Lex's shoulders comfortingly. "I want to. But, even if you say no, I'll stay if you want me to."
Lex swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. Trembling inside, he slid his hands up Clark's bare chest, feeling how solid and alive and *real* Clark was. They'd been together a year, and already Clark had treated him better than any lover ever had. Any person ever had. Every day, Lex asked himself what he'd done to deserve this, and come up with nothing. Every day he waited for Clark to leave, to get angry with him, or tired or *something*, but he never did. He was always there, putting up with Lex as he tried to put himself back together again.
He hated that he'd shattered in the first place. For ten years, he'd been fine. Okay, yes, he'd lost his father, and tried to kill himself. He'd had periods of depression so dark he hadn't had the energy to get out of bed. But he'd been fine. Surviving.
And then Clark came and turned his world upside down. In a good way, really. Meeting Clark had been like finding the missing piece of himself. He'd begun to believe that maybe, maybe it would work, and he was normal, and everything would be fine.
And then, he'd found the truth. He wasn't really a Luthor. He was Morgan Edge's son.
Lex didn't think Clark truly understood how traumatic this was for him. His entire life, everything about him seemed wrong suddenly. Everything he thought he knew about himself, about his family was wrong, and he didn't know how to handle it. He wanted to be able to. He wished he was strong enough to accept it, to move on, but he couldn’t. He seemed to be stuck in Morgan's apartment with a file in his hand that said Lionel had been planning to kill Lex and replace him with a clone. He was stuck reading that file as Morgan told him in a voice that was almost frightened, and almost loving, "You're my son."
Maybe Lex was supposed to be able to get over it, but he couldn't. He wanted to, but it was impossible. And he knew that if he didn't, Clark would eventually leave him, proposal or not.
"I don't want you to go," Lex whispered.
"No." Clark pulled Lex to him and kissed him. "I won't ever leave you." He held Lex carefully, as if afraid he'd break.
His body was so warm, and he was so strong. Lex's eyes fell shut and he rested against Clark, lulled by the steady thrum of his heartbeat.
Lex licked his lips. "Clark," he whispered against Clark's chest. "I... I want to marry you. But I'm afraid to say yes."
"I want you never to be afraid to say anything to me," Clark whispered. He kissed the top of Lex's head.
His heart was pounding so hard, Lex felt sick. His blood had been replaced by sparkling water, and he couldn’t feel his fingers. He swallowed hard. "Can I.... Can I give you my answer at dinner?"
Clark tilted Lex's head so he could look into his eyes. "You can give me your answer tomorrow, next week, next year, in ten years, whenever. I'll always want to marry you."
"Clark..."
"My parents met at college. Mom saw my father and thought he was cute, so she asked to borrow his notes for class. And he gave them to her, no questions asked. When she pointed out that he didn't know her, and he didn't know she'd return them, he told her that he liked to believe in people. And Mom told me that, in that moment, she thought, 'God, I hope he marries me.' And that she thought that every day of her life." Clark moved with Lex in his arms and sat on the window ledge. His hands were warm on Lex's hips as Clark gazed up at him, legs framing Lex's body. "My mom almost left my dad the summer I ran away. She was going to leave him for me." Clark smiled in self-deprecation. "I couldn’t let that happen, so I moved back to Smallville with them and, a year later, for their anniversary, convinced them to renew their vows. I had money from Morgan, and I used some of it to throw them this huge renewal ceremony. And Mom told the story during the ceremony, and I couldn’t help think how much I wanted to meet someone who did that to me. Who, even when he was a jerk, or crabby or tried to push me away and I was angry and hurt and wanted to leave, still made me think with all my heart, 'God, I hope he marries me.'"
"Clark..."
"When we first met, I thought you were beautiful. I knew you were going to be, I'd seen pictures, and had that crush on you from reading your articles. But I didn't seriously think you'd mean this much to me until you asked if I wanted to get something to eat. Remember that? After Perry introduced us?"
"I remember."
"I said yes, and then you, very casually and regally told me it was my treat. You were such a jerk, and you meant to be a jerk. It was so adorable. Remember?"
"Yes," Lex whispered.
Clark grinned, his finger caressing Lex's jaw. "The moment the words crossed your lips, I thought, 'God. I hope he marries me.' And I've been thinking that ever since." He took Lex's hand and kissed the palm. "God, I hope you marry me," he whispered. His lips caressed the delicate skin on the inside of Lex's wrist as he whispered the words again, imprinting them into Lex's soul.
Lex ached.
"I know there's a chance you're never going to be ready," Clark said. His raised his eyes again, and they seemed to glow in the moonlight. "I hope you marry me, but if you don't, I'll understand. My life is complete because you let me into yours. Whatever you choose to give me is always going to be enough."
Lex kissed Clark desperately, tugging at his hair. "I feel like I should be perfectly happy with you in my life."
"I know. I wish I could heal that hurt, baby, but I can't. You have to find how to do that. All I can do is help."
"I'm scared of therapy. Scared of reliving it all."
"I know." Clark kissed him, hand at the nape of Lex's neck. "But I'm always here. And I love you." His lips were warm and comforting, tongue tender. "You're my life to be, Lex. My dream come true. And I swear to you I will *never* fade away."
And, in the still of the night, while the world slept around them, Lex truly believed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-08-06 12:34 pm (UTC)*snuggles you tight*
no subject
Date: 2004-08-06 08:56 pm (UTC)Thank you! I was afraid it was too mushy. :)
Bravo
Date: 2004-08-06 01:39 pm (UTC)Re: Bravo
Date: 2004-08-06 08:57 pm (UTC)I'm very happy to have brought a smile to your face. :) Enjoy your day!
no subject
Date: 2004-08-06 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-06 08:57 pm (UTC)Hope that helps.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-06 07:39 pm (UTC)"You fucking asked me to marry you because I happened to get maudlin, that's what. Jesus Christ. You can't just *do* that."
This made me giggle, he's so dumb sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2004-08-06 08:58 pm (UTC)I'm glad you did!
This made me giggle, he's so dumb sometimes.
He really is. *hugs him tight*
no subject
Date: 2004-08-07 01:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-07 11:26 pm (UTC)awed
Date: 2004-08-08 03:05 am (UTC)This was beautiful, hon.
{{hugs}}
Re: awed
Date: 2004-08-08 10:36 am (UTC)I'm glad you're not kidding. I've always wanted to write something so beautiful that it made people cry.
And I love your icon!
no subject
Date: 2004-08-09 04:17 am (UTC)Rai
no subject
Date: 2004-08-10 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-08-11 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-04 09:41 am (UTC)