serafina20 | Can't. Stop. Posting

You know, it wasn't even that the show ended with them fighting that I minded. I actually thought that it was a good way to end the show, even though I would have liked to see the gang (reduced) over a heaping pile of smoldering ashes. But that was BtVS, so ...

My problems were many. The first was, having never really cared much for Angel, I didn't give a flying fuck about his surival, his salvation, his lack of salvation or, really, anything. I was never watching the Angel show; I was watching a show about Angel, Wesely, and Cordelia (and then, Gunn) and how they protected the mundanes against the evil of the unknown. But third season, it stopped being that show and became a show about Angel, Angel's baby, Angel's baby getting lost, Angel's baby coming back as a punk kid, Angel being sad for his baby, Cordelia sleeping with his baby, Jasmine, Angel's baby going crazy, and ... Angel. And it was borning. The rest of the characters became people I couldn't quite buy becuase a. I didn't get a lot of the characterization b. didn't care for the frame story and c. hated Fred.

I stuck around because I was waiting for the payoff. In the past, Joss always gave me a reason to keep coming back, and I still expected that of him. I saw glimmers of the Gunn I liked, and of the Wesely I knew. In fact, I could have loved Wes's storyline in another life; I just hated how he got there.

But there was never a payoff. Conner was a wasted character for the most part and, by the time they did something I liked with him (having him regain his memories, but go back to his "parents" and then come back to save Angel) I didn't care. I loved Illyria, but the fact I was excited that Fred died and replaced by something cool was sad. I think Wesely's death was tragic not because he died (I get why he had to), but because he accomplished nothing in his death. I'd rather him kill himself by expending too much magic to kill the demon thing. But, no, it had to be all about Illyra and the big Fred/Wes good-bye.

I'm glad other's got the emotional payoff they wanted, but I did not. I miss the show that was about the Grey guys protecting the little guys from the forces of evil, eevn if they could never win. I wish the final battle had been carried out from the trenches: a small office with bad lighting against the corporate baddies. As far as I'm concerned, S3-5 never happened. To me, Angel will always be about S1 and 2.

Two years ago Tuesday I graduated from college. Today I finished what I hope will be my last class on that campus. I still have 1 more class to take for my clear, but I'm trying to find alterantive ways to do it.

I just feel ... empty. "Graduating" was meaningless enough, but this ... I've done nothing. I did nothing important on that campus. I met no one. I doubt I'll be remembered by anyone. The classes were too easy and the people were incredibly stupid. The drama department was screwed up and, despite tons of encouragement from every teacher/director I'd met, I never felt talented. I"m so depressed right now and just stuck and it's all stupid. I"m never going to do anytihng, be able to put up with anyone, and will never, *ever* matter.