The Power of the Word

[serafina20]

I tend to swear a lot. Not all the time, but words like "damn" and "fuck" pepper my language quite often. And, since it's what I do, I sort of forget that those words are considered "taboo" for a reason. They have power as I remembered today.

Six years ago, I entered college a frightened, insecure, neurotic freshman. I was undeclared, but leaning towards English since I love literature, I love to analyze things, and I love to write. I took I think one literature course my first semester because I was trying to get my GE's out of the way, namely English 100w, pre-algebra, and whatever else I could get because I registered late and all the classes were filled. At the end of the second semester, I declared my major as theater arts and continued to take GE's.

Stupid, stupid me. Because one semester later I changed my major to Liberal Studies because I knew I wanted to be a teacher. When you teach in California (and probably anywhere else, but I live here) you have to prove your subject matter competency by either taking a test that will test you in all area a teacher is supposed to know, or completing a waiver program. Liberal Studies is a wavier program because you take classes in all subject matter areas relevant to teaching and cover the material in sufficient depth.

I chose to go the Liberal Studies route rather than English because I doubted (and still doubt) my ability to pass a five hour long, multiple subject test that includes math. Remember how I said I took pre-algebra my first semester? The year before, I passed trigonometry and discreet math with a B in high school. I did very, very poorly on both the SAT and the Entry Level Math tests, even through I am competent in algebra and geometry. Also, since I know people who have taken the MSAT up to six times without passing, I really didn't want to put myself through that. I would get a better education and be better prepared to be a teacher if I was a Liberal Studies major anyway.

And this is where the fuck comes in. Because three years ago the No Child Left Behind bill was passed, and for three years the California government has fought to get the federal government to recognize the way that teachers are educated in this state as legitimate. However, the federal government in all it's infinite wisdom has decided that my education is not worth shit, and now I must take their test, which many people who have studied long and hard can't pass. Of course, that was the MSAT, and the CSET is supposed to be easier, but ... but ...

I am so fucked. Literally. This is not like the RICA, where I complained about being nervous, because that was different. There, I knew I knew the material, but was afraid that I wasn't going to be able explain it in the manner that they wanted it to be explained. This is ... I don't know if I can pass it. I know *nothing* about this test because, up until three hours ago, I didn't have to take it. I'd proved my competency and was free and clear to get a job once I was done student teaching.

I still don't know where I'm student teaching. I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to pass this fucking test. I don't know why I've wasted my life using the word "fuck" on things that aren't fuck-worth (Lex not included). It's a powerful word and shouldn't be used lightly. When someone cuts me off on the freeway? It's a damn-worthy occasion. When they run out of my favorite donut at Krispy Kreme? Shoot. If Barnes and Nobel doesn't get the book I want, or Smallville is a repeat? Damn, crap, shoot, God damn it.

When I find out I've wasted six years not studying English for a profession I may not ever be able to break into? That's definitely worth of "God fucking damn it."

[Yes, I know I have no option but to pass the test. I have to pass it, there's no other way to think about it. However, if I don't, I could always go back to editing textbooks for the disabled student services and then I could learn Braille and then I could, apparently, make a *lot* of money, but .... I have to pass the test.]

Comments

[meret.livejournal.com]

Good luck. I'll cross my fingers for you. Check out www.sparknotes.com to help you study.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I'll check it out!

[ellenore.livejournal.com]

What? You'll pass it. Don't even worry about it. :)

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

What? You'll pass it.

I hope so. I know so many people who had to take the MSAT multiple times. The test I'm taking has been modfied and some people say it's easier, but I still don't know. *sigh* I've had six years of thinking I didn't have to take the test, and one day of being told I need to. It's been a shock, hence the no confidence. But thanks for yours. It helps. :)

[sabershadowkat.livejournal.com]

Do you have to take the English-specific NTE or the general Education NTE? If you have to take the second, read your Social Foundations textbook and you'll do fine. If you have to take the first, read A) your Strunk & White's guide (or similar) to English grammar, B) a "Who's Who of Literature" book found in the reference section of your library, and C) an English-SAT study guide.

If I'm misinterpreting and you're taking an Elementary Education specific NTE, skim your Reading Fundamentals book, grab an elementary school textbook grade 5 of history, math, and general science, and study those, and you'll do just fine.


The tests aren't as hard as you think they'll be. You'll find you know most stuff just because you went to class.

[serafina20.livejournal.com]

I'm not taking any of those tests. I'm taking the California Subject Examination for Teachers, which has three subtests. Subtest 1: Reading, Langauge, and Literature; History and Social Science, Subtest II: Science, Mathematics, and Subtest III: Physical Education; Human Development; Visual and Performing Arts.

It's not so much that I don't think I know it (although I have a lot of reviewing) as a. it's so much material all at once; b. the format of the test (I'm fine with standardized tests in English and history, but not science and math); and c is totally slipping my mind right now.

Someone who took the test said to study What Every (4th, 5th, 6th) Grader Needs to Know, plus notes and stuff from before. But there are also no study guides for this test that will give me a better clue what the format will be except for what's online, and that doesn't have an example of the whole test. It's just a little overwhelming right now, and I keep hearing mixed reviews on the ease of the test. Some people say it's easier than the previous test, but others say it's harder. I everyone I know who's student teaching was in the waiver program, so none of us had to take it. Supposedly, if you were in the Liberal Studies program, you should be able to pass it, but when you have the director of student teaching standing in front of a audience of 300 students rolling her eyes at the statement, it's hard to take it seriously.

So, I'll study and do my best and see what it's like. It's all i can do.