And I'm still here

I made it through the week. By Friday, I started feeling like maybe I've got almost a handle on this. I still feel like I'm not actually teaching anything, that the kids aren't learning. I'm having to bribe the fuck out of them just to stop talking, but... it's getting better.

However, never make the mistake of smiling when the kids are making fart noises behind you. You go from 3 to 20 in a heartbeat.

My neck is killing me today. I think I probably need a new pillow. I've also had migraines all week which, I realized on Wednesday, start in my neck. I woke an hour early with this warning tingling in my neck and realized that I had to take medication right now or suffer. Of course, I couldn't find it, so I ended up taking Midol, but it mostly worked until I was more awake and found the migraine meds. Still, trying to teach with that hasn't been fun.

The crisis at work was the principal. Our grade level met on Thursday and then sent our notes to her. She responded and I thought her response was sharp and rather unhelpful, especially the part aimed at me. Basically, in response to saying that I was having trouble managing the class and praise wasn't working, she told me to post my expectations on the board (where they are), refer to them often (which I do) follow through with consequences (I think I am) and give lots of praise (which... doesn't work, because the kids who hear it immediately turn to talk about being told they're good, and the rest aren't listening). Pretty much, she gave me advice that first year teachers are told instead of... I don't know, being helpful.

She is going through a personal crisis with her mom right now. I knew this. I even told myself that she's stressed, she was writing quickly, she was annoyed at something else and this wasn't personal. But, well. Nearing the end of my rope, in pain, etc. And, the last time a principal walked into my room and suggested I put up something that was already there (in that case, a writing wall), I ended up losing my job. It's not that simple anymore since I'm tenured, but...

Anyway. I'm getting a massage today and then seeing Premium Rush because I have secret fantasies of being a bike messenger (ever since seeing Dark Angel... which I never watched beyond the first few episodes, but whatever). I also need bras (I've needed new bras all summer) and at least one pair of pants (I have no black pants).

And that's my life.

The Internet

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