Why I need to be nicer to my mom always

My mother takes my breath away sometimes. I mean, I complain and fight and get frustrated with her a lot. Like the last two days when she's been silent and sullen and I didn't know why. Only to find out that her backs been killing her. I always feel guilty when she's upset, and I don't know what I did wrong. And, today, because I could tell she was off, and my mind was too muddled to really connect that it was just her back doing, I thought that maybe she was mad at me for going out to a gay bar last night with lesbians and maybe being one myself.

It's not like I haven't told her I'm bi before, but because I hadn't ever been with a girl, not even kissed one, she ... didn't not believe, but she didn't know how I could know. And that's frustrating anyway. And she's really accepting and open and everything, but there's always that it's okay for other people to be gay, I want my kids to be normal.

But she doesn't want me to be "normal". She wants me to be happy. And when somehow everything dissolved into tears before we went out to dinner, she told me that she really hopes this all works out for me because I seem really happy right now and she wants me to be happy.

And then she was crying when she said it and I just ... I've spent so much time being so miserable about my life and my friends and not fitting in, and now I feel I found a niche where I might fit and I'm glad I don't have to, like, fight with my parents to be who I am. For some reason, I got really, *really* lucky.

And now I'm crying again. Crap.