Grr

[serafina20]

I know I overuse the passive voice when I write, but I literally don't know how to write the sentence, "The windows were open, letting the warm Southern California air drift in," without using it because.... well, they're windows. They don't open themselves. And they're already open when the characters walked in.

I swear, this one guy in my critique group likes to nitpick a little too much.

(unless I'm wrong, in which case, please correct me)

(I need more Untamed icons)

ETA "The opened windows let the warm Southern California air drift in." Still don't see why it matters. They're windows.

Comments

[me_ya_ri]

I'd go with "Warm Southern California air drifted in the open windows" but only because it's the air doing something, not the windows. If I can, I try and let the thing/person/whatever doing something take the verb in a sentence.

But for what it's worth, the first and second versions you did aren't bad, either. It depends on the tone you're going for. If you want a quiet, still scene, the first two are better. The emphasis is on the stillness, the lack of action. My version is a more active version, with more of a sense of movement.

Passive voice is only bad when you use it exclusively. It's got a place. Use it when you want a still, distant feel to the scene. Use active voice when you want, yup you guessed it, an active feel to the passage.

As for the dude who's nitpicking, tell him to go jump off a pier. Seriously, there's better things to nitpick than that sentence.

[solo]

Neither of the instances you mentioned is actually passive.

"The windows were open, letting the warm Southern California air drift in."

Here the 'open' is a participle used as an adjective.

"The opened windows let the warm Southern California air drift in."

Here, 'opened' is a participle used as an adverbial clause.

"The windows had been opened, letting..." would be passive.

I don't actually see a big problem with your original sentence, and your second could be very nice if you replace 'opened' with 'open' - the windows are even 'active' because they are 'letting' the air drift in. :)

Failing that, you can always make the air the agent? The air drifted in through...?

/end grammar geek

I would agree that this one guy nitpicks too much. Your sentences were perfectly fine.

[serafina20]

Thank you so much for explaining all that! I love it when people geek out over grammar.

I think I will make air the agent; it sounds much better.

Thanks!

[serafina20]

I love that sentence. Thank you! I might use it, but it is a kind of quiet scene. The character is noticing what the room looks like when he comes into it.

I'll gladly tell him to jump off a pier next time. I've been dying to.