First Date details
Jan. 8th, 2003 12:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
serafina20Ok, here are the details of the first date. Make of them what you will.
Ok, so the date. It wasn't really a date, per se, but... it worked. He called me at about three thirty on Monday and asked if I wanted to go to his place to watch movies. I said yes before I thought, and spent the next hour stressing about it. How stupid was I to agree to go to a guy that I really didn't know all that well's house? I didn't know if he had room mates, lived in a box, was an drug addict, or what. (I have trust issues). But... I just knew it was going to be all right, so I went.
He asked me to call him before I left, but when I tried to, I got the coffee house where he works. The first time, I just went over to his place, figuring I might be able to find it, but he lives in an apartment complex with a gate in front of it. So I called again. This time a girl answered, so I asked if Kevin was there. She said no, so I explained that he wanted me to meet him at his house and he gave me the wrong phone number. Then she said, "Oh. Are you Sera?" When I told her I was, she gave me his cell and home numbers. Knowing that he'd talked about me at work made me feel better; I didn't think he would have if his sole purpose for getting me alone with him was to rape me or something. (see how bad my trust issues are?)
I called him and he came out and let me in. I love his apartment. Really. If it doesn't work out, I can always hire a hitman to off him so I can move it. It's not like it's big or anything: it's one room, a kitchen, and bathroom, but he's arrange it perfectly so it doesn't feel cramped. The bed pulls down from the wall, and he doesn't have a couch because he does'nt know where he'd put it at night, so that's what we sat on. My brother has a better apartment (two bedroom, two bath), but somehow, tihs place felt perfect. When I do move out, I may try to find a place like this, which will be a disaster, of course, sinc I have too much futurnaiture. But, anyway.
So, he got me a drink, we sat and talked. Watched television. Then he kissed me. And i liked it, which is a huge deal because I can't remember ever liking being kissed, at least no like this. It was all very comfortable, but I still got nervous, becuase I'm me, and it's what I do. He asked if I was ok, and I sort of blurted out, "I'm nervous because I'm not experienced and I've had boyfriends who really turned me off to kissing and I'm not sure what I'm doing." His first question, of course, was, "Did I turn you off?" I assured him he hadn't. Then he told me it was cool, that he didnt' want to scare me, and everything was ok. We cuddled a bit, and he told me he liked my hair pulled back from my face, which was nice becuase that's the way I like to wear it and eveyrone is always telling me to wear it down.
A little later he asked if I'd had very many boyfriends (no), if I'd ever had sex (no), and if I was waiting for marriage (big no). He smiled at that, then said, "But you want it to be special, right?" which has to be a yes, because I don't think anyone does'nt want their first time to be special, no matter how it turns out. He told me that it was always going to be up to me, that I had to feel it in my mind and heart (only he didn't say it, just touched me on my head and chest), and it sounds like a line, but it made me feel better.
The only thing that really freaked me out the entire time was when he put his hand on my waist and I realized that he could basically hold me from my belly button to back with one hand. I need to gain weight. I hate feeling small but, even though he can do that., I'm not having as many issues as i usually do. For whateve reason, he makes me feel safe, unlike most guys, who make me feel like I'm in perpetual danger of being crushed.
He had to go to work at seven, so I was there only about an hour and a half. He asked if I'd go back and hang out again, then asked if I wanted to go to dinner sometime this week. I think we're going to plan that today. I'm just so afraid that he's going to decide that I'm not worth it, or he doesn't like me, or something. I know part of it is I keep thinking this is just a big charade on his part, and part of it is me not thinking I... deserve this or something. And it's sill, and I know that, but I can't help it.
Ok, so the date. It wasn't really a date, per se, but... it worked. He called me at about three thirty on Monday and asked if I wanted to go to his place to watch movies. I said yes before I thought, and spent the next hour stressing about it. How stupid was I to agree to go to a guy that I really didn't know all that well's house? I didn't know if he had room mates, lived in a box, was an drug addict, or what. (I have trust issues). But... I just knew it was going to be all right, so I went.
He asked me to call him before I left, but when I tried to, I got the coffee house where he works. The first time, I just went over to his place, figuring I might be able to find it, but he lives in an apartment complex with a gate in front of it. So I called again. This time a girl answered, so I asked if Kevin was there. She said no, so I explained that he wanted me to meet him at his house and he gave me the wrong phone number. Then she said, "Oh. Are you Sera?" When I told her I was, she gave me his cell and home numbers. Knowing that he'd talked about me at work made me feel better; I didn't think he would have if his sole purpose for getting me alone with him was to rape me or something. (see how bad my trust issues are?)
I called him and he came out and let me in. I love his apartment. Really. If it doesn't work out, I can always hire a hitman to off him so I can move it. It's not like it's big or anything: it's one room, a kitchen, and bathroom, but he's arrange it perfectly so it doesn't feel cramped. The bed pulls down from the wall, and he doesn't have a couch because he does'nt know where he'd put it at night, so that's what we sat on. My brother has a better apartment (two bedroom, two bath), but somehow, tihs place felt perfect. When I do move out, I may try to find a place like this, which will be a disaster, of course, sinc I have too much futurnaiture. But, anyway.
So, he got me a drink, we sat and talked. Watched television. Then he kissed me. And i liked it, which is a huge deal because I can't remember ever liking being kissed, at least no like this. It was all very comfortable, but I still got nervous, becuase I'm me, and it's what I do. He asked if I was ok, and I sort of blurted out, "I'm nervous because I'm not experienced and I've had boyfriends who really turned me off to kissing and I'm not sure what I'm doing." His first question, of course, was, "Did I turn you off?" I assured him he hadn't. Then he told me it was cool, that he didnt' want to scare me, and everything was ok. We cuddled a bit, and he told me he liked my hair pulled back from my face, which was nice becuase that's the way I like to wear it and eveyrone is always telling me to wear it down.
A little later he asked if I'd had very many boyfriends (no), if I'd ever had sex (no), and if I was waiting for marriage (big no). He smiled at that, then said, "But you want it to be special, right?" which has to be a yes, because I don't think anyone does'nt want their first time to be special, no matter how it turns out. He told me that it was always going to be up to me, that I had to feel it in my mind and heart (only he didn't say it, just touched me on my head and chest), and it sounds like a line, but it made me feel better.
The only thing that really freaked me out the entire time was when he put his hand on my waist and I realized that he could basically hold me from my belly button to back with one hand. I need to gain weight. I hate feeling small but, even though he can do that., I'm not having as many issues as i usually do. For whateve reason, he makes me feel safe, unlike most guys, who make me feel like I'm in perpetual danger of being crushed.
He had to go to work at seven, so I was there only about an hour and a half. He asked if I'd go back and hang out again, then asked if I wanted to go to dinner sometime this week. I think we're going to plan that today. I'm just so afraid that he's going to decide that I'm not worth it, or he doesn't like me, or something. I know part of it is I keep thinking this is just a big charade on his part, and part of it is me not thinking I... deserve this or something. And it's sill, and I know that, but I can't help it.
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-08 02:05 pm (UTC)1. No, you are not displaying trust issues, you are showing some sense. Keep it up. Don't go over to see him without letting a friend know you're going. The kind of friend you can giggle about the date with, afterward.
2. Buy condoms & foam and make sure you know how to use them. But remember, Non-Penetrative Nookie (NPN) is your friend.
3. If you keep dating, make sure he meets your friends and you meet his.
4. You deserve happiness *and* respect.
no subject
Date: 2003-01-13 12:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-20 03:33 am (UTC)I'm a wreck around guys, I hope maybe I'll find one who can look past inexperience too.